Dave Barry's Blog

FYI

Picking your nose may raise the risk of DEMENTIA, study suggests

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, Fabian Marson and Bob Devine)

DAD GUYS IN ACTION

Man In China Eats Live Crab As "Revenge" After It Pinched His Daughter

The crab got even: The doctors sent his blood samples for test, and it revealed that the man had been infected by at least three parasites from eating the crab.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ralph)

WE'VE ALL BEEN TEMPTED

Israeli passenger sets toilet on fire during El Al flight to Bangkok

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

'BASICALLY A RELIGIOUS OBJECT'

Jerry Garcia’s Lost Pipe Has Been Found After 30 Years — and It Still Smells Like Weed

Always the last place you look: A major piece of counter-culture history was wedged behind a bed in Merl Saunders’ San Francisco house. 

(Thanks to Rick Day)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, ALLOW US TO RETURN YOUR SYRINGE WITH OUR APOLOGIES

After a sheriff’s deputy found an uncapped syringe and a crystal substance among his belongings, a Florida Man demanded that the cop call the FBI and local police since he was purportedly “allowed to carry methamphetamine,” according to an arrest report.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

FREE THE TREE

The individual who serves as the Stanford Tree mascot has been suspended after unfurling a banner that read "Stanford hates fun" during the Cardinal's football game against Arizona State on Oct. 22.

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who asks "Doesn't this prove his or her point?")

PERHAPS WE'RE STRETCHING THE DEFINITION OF 'REAL LIFE'

Inside the world of real-life vampires in New Orleans and Atlanta

(Thanks to The Perts)

AND IN SPORTS

After knocking a golf ball into the Grand Canyon and appearing to lose her driver, an influencer who posted a video of the episode on TikTok now has charges and a court appearance pending.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

What would we do without influencers?

BECAUSE YOU NEED MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

Ancient microbes like 'Conan the Bacterium' may be sleeping beneath the surface of Mars

(Thanks to Ralph)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Georgian man arrested by Turkey for smuggling 1,100 bees on his body

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOUNDS.... FUN!

Kayakers stumble across 'land of the spiders' on Sunpoke Lake

(Thanks to The Perts)

HE HAS OUR VOTE (WE'RE REFERRING TO THE BEAR)

Tahoe candidate blames 'bear' for arrest, felony charge

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

'PROFESSIONAL'

A self-proclaimed professional witch has opened up about how she'll be celebrating Halloween this year, from holding a 'feast of the dead' with deceased loved ones to casting 'fire banishing spells'

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "*Another* career my high school guidance counselor didn’t mention.")

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Cambridge botanic garden reveals rare orchid that smells like dead rats and rotting cabbages

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "For your prom date!")

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

Feral pandemic goats to be managed by Welsh task force

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who believes they opened for Ozzie.)

MEN WHO FOR WHATEVER REASON INTEND TO GO TO IKEA:

Beware the chairs.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

NO DOUBT EN ROUTE TO FLORIDA

Lawnmower driver facing charges

(Thanks to The Perts)

AND IN AUSTRALIAN SPORTS

An Australian teenager participating in a surf ski race escaped injury when a suspected great white shark approached and bit a hole in his surf ski.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

MINNESOTA HIGHWAY REPORT

He's just resting.

HALLOWEEN IN MINNESOTA

This blog is in Minnesota to visit relatives of Mrs. Blog before they are buried under the glacier. We were driving around and remarking on the fact that, compared to Miami, where Halloween is HUGE, there were hardly any Halloween decorations in people's yards.

Then we went to the quaint little river town of Stillwater. And whoa.

 

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Last message I promise!

OOPS

Mondrian painting has been hanging upside down for 75 years

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

NO, OFFICER, I HAVE NOT BEEN DRINKING

Autobrewery syndrome

(Thanks to GJ)

FYI

Something spooky is happening at the edge of the solar system

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THEY WERE RELEASED AFTER ETC.

Pakistani police arrest 6 donkeys for helping timber smugglers

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "arresting your ass.")

IN FLATHEAD COUNTY, DEAD PEOPLE GROAN

10:14 p.m. Someone believed that there were dead people in a camper because of the “groaning noise” coming from inside it.

(Thanks to Roberto)

FLORIDA DRIVER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A Venice man was accused of causing a crash while driving drunk and then leaving the scene to get shots at a nearby bar, according to authorities.

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

PROBABLY BECAUSE THE YANKEES WERE ELIMINATED

Photo from NASA satellite shows the sun was 'smiling' this week

(Thanks to Alan Dean)

IT CAN NEVER BE BIG ENOUGH

Just How Big Is America's 'Strategic Cheese Reserve'?

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AMEN, SISTER DUDES

California's cannabis-growing nuns pray for profits

(Thanks to GJ and Michael Parry)

Possibly Related: Pope urges priests and nuns to delete porn from their phones

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

North Carolina Woman Shooting Mountain Dew Bottles in Her Backyard Cited by Police

(Thanks to Rick Day)

(Has anybody seen nursecindy?)

THIS CHECKS OUT

There May Be 4 Quintillion Alien Spacecraft Buzzing in Our Solar System

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

SCIENTISTS ARE EASILY SPARKED

Nose-picking primates spark scientific quest

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w and GJ)

IS OUR CRIMINALS LEARNING?

Jersey City ATM robber left behind his Hudson jail inmate ID

(Thanks to Neil Sullivan)

IT'S AN OUTRAGE, DUDE

Marijuana company sued for not making customers high enough

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

'Horrible' jackdaw called Derek is terrorising a Yorkshire village

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, who asks "Didn't Derek play bass for Black Sabbath?")

AND IN SPORTS

Bar-tailed godwit flies 13,500km from Alaska to Tasmania, breaking world record for non-stop bird flight

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Rick Day)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

NASA instrument detects dozens of methane super-emitters from space

(Thanks to Robert Moats, who says "In space nobody can hear you fart.")

WITH A PLAYSTATION

Man lives in shopping centre for four years by making 'secret flat' in unused room

(Thanks to Rick Day)

CSI: COWETA COUNTY

One suspected burglar, Gerald Bennett, left behind a trail of Milky Way wrappers in the woods that led investigators straight to his house

(Thanks to MOTW, who says "Way to go, GERALD.")

(SHH. DON'T TELL OREGON)

A bloated dead humpback whale was discovered on the coast of Malcolm Island, B.C., just north of Port McNeill.

(Thanks to B&C)

BEFORE WE HAD THE INTERNET, THIS WAS ONLY A DREAM

Moist Towelette Online Museum

(Thanks to Chris)

AND IN SPORTS

Brawl erupts after NYC’s first Miss Sri Lanka pageant

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

THEY’RE ALSO A FINE OPENING ACT

Pig vomit toxin key to Martian meteorite mystery

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

CHICAGO DEMANDS A RECOUNT

New York is not America’s rattiest city

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, a Chicagoan, who says “#1 for rats AND we don’t have LaGuardia.”)

HEY, IT’S SIX YEARS OLD

A Billionaire Is Demolishing a Perfectly Good $110M Mansion. Locals Aren’t Happy.

(Thanks to Tim Couch)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Iranian man who didn't wash for half a century dies at 94

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEBODY INVENTED THIS

The chainsaw clarinet.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SUCH A DEAL

A Russian company is offering customers the chance to participate in their own funeral and experience being buried alive for 3.5 million rubles, about the equivalent of $57,000.

(Thanks to John Gregg)

ONLY 789,000 TO GO

230 Pythons Taken From Florida Everglades In Annual Contest

(Thanks to EricY)