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September 29, 2022

‘NOT AN IDEAL SOLUTION’

An international team led by researchers from the University of Otago in New Zealand were able to show that castration of male sheep delays the aging of DNA, and the same principles could apply to humans as well.

(Thanks to Roberto)

IN OTHER BAT-RELATED NEWS

Trailer filled with hundreds of pounds of bat droppings stolen from Lincoln business

(Thanks to Steve Bradford) 

SCIENTISTS FINALLY DO SOMETHING USEFUL

Scientists Create AI-Powered Laser Turret That Kills Cockroaches

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

MAKE IT A HALLOWEEN THEME

California school dance postponed due to bats in gym

(Thanks to Ralph)

Rats are basically winged squirrels.

BOLO

He can blend right in.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AFTER HE CONSUMED THEM

Man attacks restaurant employees after being denied refund for his tacos

(Thanks to Bill Carver, who says “What choice did he have?”)

September 28, 2022

THIS IS HUGE

The purple M&M is here, but not the way you might think

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "I've always hoped I'd live long enough.")

UPDATE

American Airlines says a mechanical issue was responsible for strange sounds coming from a plane’s public announcement system during a flight from Los Angeles to Dallas.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

"Mechanical issue" is code for "evil spirit."

AND IN SPORTS

Diamondback rattlesnake interrupts Florida high school football game

CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Ontario driver busted with insecure load of carrots

(Thanks to Ralph)

We believe Insecure Load of Carrots opened for Strawberry Alarm Clock.

THEY ARE RELENTLESS

Red squirrel shuts down Scottish bakery for two days

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Parcel thieves fought back against a Texas couple who tricked them into stealing dirty diapers by spraying their house with cow manure.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

September 27, 2022

IF YOU SAY SO

ADDING ROBOTIC GOOGLY EYES TO SELF-DRIVING CARS MAKE THEM SAFER

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

(Not to nitpick, but it should be "makes.")

THAT'S ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE WHAT THEY DO

Water-filled condoms bring 'mermaid vibes' to Paris Fashion Week

(Thanks to Joshua Evans and Allen at Division)

BLOG STATUS UPDATE

To answer your questions:

  1. No, we don't know why the blog went away for a while there.
  2. No, we don't know what the hell this means:
  3. Screen Shot 2022-09-27 at 11.46.18 AMYes, judi has been fired.

WE GOT YER UPDATE RIGHT HERE

Hello,

Can I get an update on this?

Waiting for your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Mon, Sep 26, 2022 at 6:44 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hello,

Hope you had a good weekend. Can I get an update on this?

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Fri, Sep 23, 2022 at 6:22 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

Hope you are well

Just wanted to follow up on my previous emails. Did you get a chance to see them?

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker


On Thu, Sep 22, 2022 at 1:41 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hello,

Can I get an update on this?

Waiting for your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Patrick Parker

On Tue, Sep 20, 2022 at 6:28 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

Have you given this a thought?

Regards,
Patrick Parker


On Mon, Sep 19, 2022 at 6:50 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

Any new updates on this? Waiting for your response.

Regards,
Patrick Parker


On Fri, Sep 16, 2022 at 7:13 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

I hope you are well. Can I get any update on this?

Regards
Patrick Parker

On Thu, Sep 15, 2022 at 7:43 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hi,

I hope you are well.

I just wanted to follow up on my last email. Did you get a chance to see it?

Regards
Patrick Parker


On Wed, Sep 14, 2022 at 6:31 PM Patrick Parker wrote:
Hello Miami Herald Team,

I know you probably receive tons of emails every day, so I’ll keep it short.

I see that you publish some really great content on miamiherald.com. I am writing a well-researched, data-driven, and in-depth blog post, which might be a great addition to your blog.

IAN

We're getting a LOT of rain in Miami, but the worst of Ian appears to be headed for the Tampa-St. Pete area. We hope the folks up there get through it OK. And we urge everyone to heed the words of Walter the Weather Oosik, who reminds you to make sure you have enough emergency supplies on hand to last until you pass out.

IMG_0799-cleaned

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

New fully self-driving Volkswagen allows you to work, eat and SLEEP

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

ADVISORY TO CHIHUAHUA OWNERS:

Keep your mouth closed while you sleep. Trust us, you don’t want to know why.

(Thanks to Rick Day and Matt Filar)

WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE

Cobra regurgitates entire snake after eating too much for lunch

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE HAVE BEEN ON MANY, MANY FLIGHTS

But this is a new one.

(Thanks to Moe Money, who says “Not your captain speaking.”)

WHO’S UP FOR SOME OLD-FASHIONED PUFFIN TOSSING?

Why it's perfectly normal to see baby puffins thrown off cliffs in Iceland each year

(Thanks to vee)

September 26, 2022

WE SAW GATHERING OF NIGELS OPEN FOR THE CLASH

Gathering of 372 Nigels eases fears of mass ‘Nige’ extinction

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE SCIENCE IS (BURRRRRPP) SETTLED

Drinking beer every night may lower your risk of dementia, scientists claim.

(Thanks to Emile, Leslie and w and Michael Moyers)

Is it just us, or do "scientists" release a new study on this subject -- often contradicting the previous study -- roughly every 17 minutes? 

NOT BITTER AT ALL!

New Jersey man is caught making daily visits to PEE on grave of ex-wife he divorced 48 years ago

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

MEANWHILE IN CANADIAN SPORTS

The Kelowna Kinsmen Club hosted a cornhole tournament over the weekend open to the public, with hopes of drawing attention to the sport while also attracting new members.

(Thanks to BigUke)

RATS ARE BASICALLY GROUND-BASED SQUIRRELS

Over 1,500 Virginia Residents Left Without Power Because Of Rat

(Thanks to Rick Day)

IT’S ESCALATING

Woman fires shot during fight at Chuck E. Cheese in Brandon, deputies say

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, EricY, John Lobert and Ralph)

THERE ARE NO WORDS

A British soldier who was captured while fighting in Ukraine has revealed how he was forced by the Russians to listen to ABBA and Cher on repeat while a prisoner.

(Thanks to David Snoke, who says “at least it wasn’t ‘Copacabana’”)

September 25, 2022

TO YOU ALL YOU BLOGSTERS WHO BELONG TO THE TRIBE:

Shana tovah!

AND THE SO-CALLED ‘UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL’ DOES NOTHING

The British UFO Research Association (BUFORA) has been sent a report of a pocket-sized alien with fears the mini 'Martian' could be a scout for an extra-terrestrial force

(Thanks to Ralph)

FOOL

Scots man saves squirrel trapped down toilet in heroic rescue mission caught on camera

(Thanks to Ralph)

”Heroic.”

JUST STOP, RESEARCHERS

Japan-led researchers develop rechargeable cyborg cockroach

(Thanks to John Grant)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Cow poops, sits inside ATM vestibule as man covers nose and withdraws money

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

Woman who brought raccoon to North Dakota bar is charged

(Thanks to EricY)

WE HAVE MANY QUESTIONS

Number one is, what if the guests have to go to the bathroom?

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Loch Ness Monster 'may live' in Stranger Things-style parallel universe

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says”We finally get an explanation that makes some sense.”)

September 24, 2022

IT’S WHY WE’RE HERE, EH DUDE?

Michigan man asks border officer if he could buy pot

(Thanks to The Perts)

CLOSE ENOUGH FOR GOVERMENT WORK

DC Misspells ‘Virginia' on Street Sign

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

SPIDERS GET DIARRHEA?

Toilet user's horror as huge spider perched on top of loo roll after 'bout of diarrhoea'

You know the continent.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN OUR DAY WE’D DISSECT ’EM

Snakes and mice are falling from the ceiling of a Lexington high school

(Thanks to Rick Day)

September 23, 2022

TRAGEDY IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

6:15 p.m. After being struck by a vehicle, a raccoon passed away and its raccoon friend seemed “worked up.”

Thanks to Mary Smith)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi {First Name},

WE THOUGHT WE ALREADY POSTED THIS, BUT WE CAN’T FIND IT, SO JUST IN CASE WE’RE POSTING IT AGAIN

A squirrel terrorism update.

(Thanks to John Grant)

YOU’LL WONDER HOW YOU EVER MANAGED WITHOUT THIS SKILL

Learn how to crush walnuts with your butt from Japan’s Guinness World Record holder

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY’RE ASSUMING ELVIS IS DEAD

AI Portraits Imagine How Celebrities Would Look If They Were Still Alive Today

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

Man treks globe in search of the world’s worst public toilet

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

THE SPACE FORCE HAS AN OFFICIAL SONG

And it aint Rocket Man.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

September 22, 2022

COPACABANA?

Salt Lake City sewers emit mysterious music in homes

(Thanks to Zaphod)

CSI: WILDWOOD, FLA.

As detailed in a Wildwood Police Department arrest report, the Schell family had “ordered Chinese food but the takeout containers were not labeled,” which upset Schell since he did not know “which container of food was his.”

Schell’s son, police reported, said that he argued with his father and sister over the Chinese food “due to the fact that the victim had eaten [his father’s] food unknowingly.”

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

 
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