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July 02, 2022


Grape-Doling Tourists Gave Endangered Iguanas High Blood Sugar

(Thanks to Ralph)

Announcer: Are you Northern Bahamian Rock Iguana with high blood sugar? Have you ever consumed grapes doled out by tourists? If so, call the number on your screen now.


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Grape-doling Tourists opened for Moby

This is nothing. We have hummingbird feeders, and the squirrels climb up the pole and suck the sweet juice from the feeders.

We are going to have diabetic squirrels.

And yes, I know that Diabetic Squirrels opened for The Who.

Nothing worse than seeing a bunch of aging, triabetic, one-legged iguanas perched on the railngs begging the passing tourists for more grapes.

If you are a Northern Bahamian Rock Iguana being fed grapes by tourists as if they’re paying tribute to Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, and find yourself lonely with a weak metabolism just needing to talk and to meet that 'someone', call us.

If the grapes are chilled, do the iguanas start falling from the trees?

They should be fed Mediterranean jellyfish.

"The tourists are given lettuce and grapes to hand-feed the iguanas, who scurry up to grab the food."

The grapes have become the iguanas' raisin d'être.

Isn't indescriminate graping what put Harvey Wienstein in jail?

Grape-Slinging Tourists .. hmm. Tourists fêting iguanas creates ecotourism disaster.
".. the endangered lizards are flourishing .. maybe they’re thriving in an unhealthy way."
Let me wrap my brain around that.

If the tourists fed them grapes that had been fermented, Those Bahamian lizards would really rock (and roll).

No one saw Grape-Doling Tourists open for the Beach Boys?

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