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July 28, 2022


Why chocolate could be just as good for the heart as high blood pressure medication

(Thanks to Le Petomane)


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I'm sold.

Just wait until they find out about banana pulse.

I want my doctor to give me a prescription for chocolate so that my insurance will pay for it.

Sure, good for YOU, but think what that will do to the price of chocolate for the uninsured.

Soon we will all be driving to Canada to buy our chocolate.

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said, "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Cadbury Egg in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth!

Hey, we knew this all along.

But consider that this advice came from a country that thinks Beans On Toast is breakfast.

Dr. Cadbury prescribes it for me.

This is exactly why I always keep an emergency bag of Cadbury chocolate right next to my first aid kit.

Dr. House:

"Give this patient 100 cc of Hersheys stat!"
"Hang a bag of KitKats and push it!"
"Run a central line for M&Ms!"
"Put in an IV for chocolate milk!"

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