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June 24, 2022

FIRST MONKEYPOX, NOW THIS

'Tongue-eating parasite' discovered in box of imported fish in Suffolk

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Heroin pusher caught red-handed after his ringtone sang 'Hello, it's your drug dealer'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Chinese researchers have reportedly developed a device that can detect when a man is watching pornography by ‘reading his mind’.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski and Barry Nester)

June 23, 2022

THE WHAT?

Trail enthusiasts will soon have more ground to cover as construction of Phase 6A of the Dick and Willie Passage will get underway next month.

(Thanks to Don Murphy)

SUCH EXCITEMENT: FIRST THE EEL PIT, AND NOW THIS

History was made in Massachusetts recently when two TikTok stars created the world's largest chicken nugget.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

TIKTOK’S HIGHLY ANTICIPATED EEL PIT IS FINALLY REVEALED

This blog, for one, has never anticipated an eel pit more highly.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE'RE CLAIMING 'A' AND 'AN'

Ohio State gets approval to trademark ‘The’ for merchandise

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAN REAL-ESTATE AGENT OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately, our strict etc.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS

PUD Introduces new squirrel mascots Zip and Zap

(Thanks to Chris from the Northwest)

WE'VE WANTED TO DO THIS TO MANY APPLIANCES

Swedish man throws washing machine more than 14 feet

(Thanks to MOTW, who says "It was asking for it.")

FLORIDIANS: ANYBODY MISSING A HORSE?

Giant Florida Burmese Python Had Hoofs in Stomach and Was Carrying 122 Eggs

(Thanks to klezmerphan and pharmaross)

INSTEAD OF LEMONADE...

...kids in the blog's neighborhood sell homegrown mangoes, honey and rose apples.

Signs

Table

Mangoes

June 22, 2022

THE DAY WHEN THE DOGS RISE UP AND KILL US ALL...

...it's coming soon.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'DETAILS OF HOW EXACTLY THE RULE WILL BE ENFORCED ARE UNKNOWN'

Swimmers face £645 fine for peeing in the sea

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAN POLITICAL REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Australian Political Report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: PHUKET

Phuket police play down Patong tuk-tuk driver brawl

Screen Shot 2022-06-22 at 8.24.11 AM

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU'D THINK THEY'D STEP OUTSIDE

International Space Station smells awful because astronauts fart more in space

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

JUST A LITTLE TIDBIT TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY:

The Mites That Live and Breed on Your Face Have Anuses

(Thanks to vee and DaninDallas)

OF COURSE

Squirrels Could Make Monkeypox a Forever Problem

(Thanks to Frank and wiredog)

June 21, 2022

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Dear Dave​, In brief, we're working with a fast-growing dairy-free cheese brand

ATTENTION, PEOPLE SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN:

Get out NOW.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WE NEED TROOPS GUARDING THE BORDER *NOW*

Celebrate summer all season long with the Frenchsicle – a French’s® Tomato Ketchup flavoured popsicle, popping up across Canada for a limited time.

(Thanks to wiredog)

AND IN GUY SPORTS

This.

(Thanks to Steve Stone)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Osoyoos rattlesnake hitches ride to Vancouver in Ferrari

(Thanks to The Perts)

'THERE IS A LOSS OF DIGNITY'

Church of England clergy not permitted to perform baptisms while wearing only underpants, tribunal rules

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Devils jump over babies in Spanish village's unusual festival

(Thanks to MOTW)

June 20, 2022

THAT'S GONNA KNOCK A STAR OFF THE YELP REVIEW

Giant Floating Hong Kong Restaurant Tips Over In South China Sea

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "On the bright side, the lobsters got away.")

I WANT TO INSERT MY TRASH IN YOUR INITIATIVE

RUBBISH BINS groan in pleasure and make sexually suggestive comments when trash is inserted in new Swedish initiative

(Thanks to many people)

JUST LEAVE IT RAVELED

After Manistee River infestation, scientists try to unravel the mystery of ‘rock snot’

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark, who thinks they should open for the Remainders)

IT WAS THE MACRAME THAT PUT HER OVER THE LINE

After a young woman in Quebec City was hassled by multiple police officers for sitting on a blanket topless doing macrame while smoking a cigarette on a sunny day, a topless demonstration took place on Sunday in Montreal.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT NOT WHILE SEATED

In a pinch, you might be able to breathe through your butt

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ralph)

June 19, 2022

CSI: FLATHEAD COUNTY

It's hard to pick just one incident out of this excellent batch, but we'll go with this:

10:01 p.m. A parent who had previously reported their missing two-year-old, called back to say the kid had been found in the kitchen cabinet.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YUM!

Chilean experts try to innovate children's diet with 3D printed food

Come and Get It, Kids! ...nutritional experts hope a nutritious menu of 3D printed food with ingredients of some dehydrated "cochayuyo" seaweed, some instant mashed potatoes and hot water, will revolutionize the food market, particularly for children.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

ROCK BOTTOM REMAINDERS NANTUCKET REPORT

To recognize Nantucket's whaling history, we did an original song about Moby Dick. Mr. Alan Zweibel played the role of Mr. Dick. 

IMG_2231

WE'RE SURE THERE'S A PERFECTLY LOGICAL EXPLANATION

Florida man dressed as cow among several arrested in drug house bust

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

ONE DAY THEY WILL REVOLT AND KILL US ALL

Dogs Wearing Tights: Weird Instagram Trend

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT ONE

Texas man brandishes pool noodle to fend off emu

(Thanks to AmoebaStampede and Janice Gelb)

ATTENTION, INSANE PEOPLE:

Have you ever wanted to become a snake hunter in the Florida Everglades? Now’s your chance.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AFTER THAT DOES HE GET HIS METH BACK?

The Florida Man who gave police two baggies of methamphetamine and asked them to test the stash for him will have to perform community service and refrain from using alcohol and drugs as part of a deal with prosecutors, according to court records.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FATHER'S DAY

Have a good one, fellow dads. Take a nap. Maybe two naps.

June 18, 2022

REMAINDERS IN NANTUCKET

Here's most of the band onstage at the Chicken Box after rehearsal today. From left: Erasmo Paolo, Scott Turow, Sam Barry, Alan Zweibel, Susie Essman, Mary Karr, The Blog, Josh Kelly, Mitch Albom, Janine Sabino, Ridley Pearson. (Not shown, but here, is Roy Blount.) We sound every bit as organized as we look.

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ADVISORY

No more blogging today, as we are preparing for the first ever and almost certainly last ever performance of the World Famous But Not For A Good Reason Rock Bottom Remainders at Nantucket's finest concert facility and dive bar, the  Chicken Box. 

WE MISSED IT

Dang.

(Thanks to B'game)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR WHITESNAKE

Meet the Peecyclers.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer, Le Petomane and Roberto)

SOUNDS BETTER WITH KETCHUP

ELECTRIC GUITAR MADE OUT OF MCDONALD’S FRENCH FRIES

(Thanks to John Lobert)

JUST A BEER FOR US, THANKS

Invasive Green Crabs Turned Into Whiskey By Tamworth Distilling

(Thanks to Ralph and Le Petomane)

June 17, 2022

OOPS

Kids given floor sealant mistaken for milk at summer school breakfast

(Thanks to James Flynn)

DECEASED GUYS IN ACTION

Family hides a VERY rude message on their father's gravestone in tribute to the late 59-year-old's wicked sense of humor

(Thanks to James Flynn)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man Will Attempt to Make History by Pushing a Peanut up Colorado 14er With His Nose

Note To You Perverts Who Need To Get Your Minds Out Of The Gutter: A "14er" is a mountain.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, GJ, Charles Cates and Rick Day)

'HE HAS A SWEET TOOTH'

Bus driver says he didn’t know his gummy snacks included THC

(Thanks to EricY, who says "Dude! Here's your Florida drivers license.")

 
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