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June 03, 2022

LOOKING FOR A SPECIAL GIFT FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE?

How about a set of hostage-negotiation telephones?

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE ALL HAVE SKELETONS IN OUR CLOSETS

Utah attorney says he’s wrongly accused of cannibalism amid reelection bid

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

WE'RE GONNA NEED THICKER SUNBLOCK

Sunbather is BITTEN by wild boar on packed Costa Blanca beach

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAA

Woman performing oral sex on driver causes vehicle to crash into FedEx truck, officials say

(Thanks to pharmaross, Mary Smith and DaninDallas)

THE BACKSTROKE BOYS

FROGS form 'boy bands' and sing together to woo females into their pools, study finds

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

CSI: EAGLESHAM PAVILION AND PLAYING FIELDS IN EAST RENFREWSHIRE

Bride-to-be wearing inflatable penis costume repeatedly stabbed on her hen do

Technically it was the costume that was stabbed, but whatevs, it was a totally fun event.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

There's a lot going on:

1:59 p.m.  A person called 911 to say that the police officers currently with him were trying to “unofficially” arrest him and he wanted new ones.

2:02 p.m. A dog killed its owner’s brother’s chickens and he was upset about it.

The dog was upset?

2:27 p.m. A man who lost his job for drinking decided to try to cope with it by drinking more.

4:39 p.m. A woman called to complain about crimes against humanity.

AND IN SPORTS

Florida man, 77, punches friend, 84, over golf etiquette at The Villages, deputies say

(Thanks to Frank)

Tennis star 'smashes himself in balls' with racquet five times and doesn't even flinch

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU WILL BE STUNNED TO LEARN THAT ALCOHOL APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Jet2 passenger dragged off plane after 'urinating on his brother' before fist fight

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'HAVE THEY CRACKED IT?'

Kardashian fans all have the same theory about why Kim ‘REFUSES’ to have her butt photographed from behind

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "It's like a real MENSA meeting going on.")

 
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