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May 23, 2022


Try Peeing On Your Plants, Say Experts

(Thanks to EricY)


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I'm getting some strange looks from the neighbors as I garden now but your in (urine) for bumper crops of peas (pees), wheat (weeet), and large blooms on the peonies (peeonknees).

I found its better to fertilize the roses from a distance.

Let it grow, let it grow. Let it blossom, let it flow.

"But officer, I wasn't being publicly indecent. I was just responsibly fertilizing my lawn."

@Farmer D.: Are your neighbors wearing sunglasses?

I tried that last year and all my vegetables smelled like asparagus.

Just don't pee in the pool.

I can't afford this. It pisses me off.

I'm off to Home Depot later this morning. New water heater. I can't afford it either. My current leaking water heater has in black marker '5-5-2002'. I paid about $250 22 years ago I believe. I will get the royal shaft at Home Depot later this morning.

Won't it make them soggy?

*Written in black marker on the unit the day of installation, 5-5-00, 22 years ago. Has to be some kind of record. Had to buy a new refrigerator two weeks ago. The one it replaced was bought in 2002. 20 years old. Im sure I will need a new dish washer in a couple of days.

Please don't tell Jeremy Clarkson about this or he'll have Caleb and Cheerful Charlie all over it for his Diddly Piddly Squat Farm Shoppe.

This is why I only buy canned vegetables from the grocery store. I wonder if the Jolly Green Giant ever does this? I may have to switch to Del Monte if he does.

Call me crazy, but I prefer a nice dressing on my salads.

@nc: Rumor has it the JGG got fired for taking a pea.

Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is a pee-pee and tinkle
And a really full bladder...

New water heater installed. Posting from the poor farm where I still have to water the crops which are doing outstanding with the new fertilizer. You should see the tree, how big it's grown
but friend it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big.

All I can tell you is my partner is now very unhappy about the dining table centerpiece.

This advice was unclear. I have a friend who thought it was OK to pee on his houseplants. His wife left him, then his dog ran away. Now, even the pizza delivery drivers refuse enter his house because of the smell.

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