Dave Barry's Blog

IT LOOKS EVERY BIT AS APPETIZING AS IT SOUNDS

Truck crash leaves 15,000 pounds of hot dog filler on road

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Crews worked their buns off to clean it up.")

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Marlborough residents have been warned of possible sewage “blow backs” coming up their toilets as work begins to clean the region’s wastewater pipes.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

Yellowstone Visitors Cause Traffic Jam Watching Majestic Bull Elk… Pee On His Own Face

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, who sent this in and is getting full credit for it.)

OH, BOTHER

Somebody is making a slasher movie featuring Winnie the Pooh.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

JUST CORN FLAKES FOR US, THANKS

Feminine care brand Intimina developed its raspberry-flavoured 'Period Crunch' to encourage families to discuss menstruation more openly at breakfast.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

International Team Creates Paper Plane Able to Glide Over 77 Meters

(Thanks to Ron T)

MORE THAN FAIR

Bermuda Triangle cruise offers all guests full refund - if the ship disappears

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

HUH

A jury in Portland has convicted a self-published romance novelist — who once wrote an essay titled "How to Murder Your Husband" — of fatally shooting her husband four years ago.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi, I know how busy you must be answering a lot of emails day by day.

OUR GUESS IS, THEY'RE HAVING SEX

Why California’s rattlesnake population is booming

(Thanks to Ranald Adams and Le Petomane)

THEY SHOULD PUT WINDSHIELDS ON THOSE THINGS

US submarine that crashed into an underwater mountain in the South China Sea ran into a pier months earlier

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "The helmsman had a valid etc.")

WITH A NAME LIKE WWW.WELSHITALIANPIZZA.CO.UK, IT HAS TO BE GOOD

Pizza company mortified over 'worst name ever' after website blunder

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

EXCEPT WHEN THEY'RE OPENING FOR CARDI B

Skydiving salamanders live in world’s tallest trees

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko and Al Barkafski)

WHY THE DIAPERS HAVE LONG NAILS WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Cardi B drops a tutorial video showing how to change diapers with long nails

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WHY THE SNAKE WAS PLAYING A VIDEO GAME WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Snake Bites Man on Butt as He Sat on Toilet Playing Video Game

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN FLORIDA, IT WOULD BE DRIVING

Cow sits on family’s lap in backseat of car

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

NEBRASKA: WHERE THE ACTION NEVER STOPS

Pool noodle fight over the name Josh again attracts hundreds

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

CSI: IBERIA PARISH

Two arrested in Louisiana for illegally transporting house, abandoning it in road

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SO HOW WAS SCHOOL?

Nine-year-old boy discovers puma in school toilet cubicle

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

HI THERE...... DENISE!

Dolphins Recognize Each Other By Tasting One Another's Urine

(Thanks to GJ)

WE FEEL OLD

Crews remove last functioning pay phone in New York City

(Thanks to Alan Dean and The Perts)

EVERYBODY STAY INDOORS

Asteroid the size of 350 giraffes to fly past Earth this week

(Thanks to Paul, and to Fabian Marson, who notes that "comets are measured in hippos.")

HEARTBREAKING NEWS FOR GOURMANDS EVERYWHERE

Gourmet boiled peanut restaurant Randeez Nutz Express closes in south Jacksonville

(Thanks to Rick Stevenson)

LET'S NOT HEAR ANY MORE WHINING ABOUT SPIDERS

Wisconsin couple kills bear that attacked them in their home

(Thanks to Bill Ostroot)

IT CONFESSED AFTER THEY TIED IT TO A STOOL

Peruvian police catch “narco pigeon” trying to smuggle marijuana into prison

(Thanks to B&C)

SPOILER ALERT: IT WAS A FLIP PHONE

Japanese teen calls cops on man she thinks is holding a knife

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Try Peeing On Your Plants, Say Experts

(Thanks to EricY)

MEANWHILE DOWN UNDER

Why Australians are voting in their budgie smugglers

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

AW

Over 100 Young Crocodiles Find Refuge on Their Father’s Back in India’s Chambal River

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "He’s hoping they’ll move out after college.")

THEY ARE ATTACKING OUR BEDROCK INSTITUTIONS

Richard Bland's ball stopped and rolled off green by squirrel at PGA Championship

(Thanks to B&C, Ralph, pharmaross, Le Petomane, Doug in Sacramento, The Perts, Bill Hudgins and Woozy Barnes)

WITHOUT STUDIES WE WOULD KNOW NOTHING

Wearing sunglasses makes you more likely to OGLE: People stare at sexually provocative images when they think others can't see their eyes, study finds

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

Women more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors with more attractive partners

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

PARTY INSECTS

Fruit flies keep having sex when they are dying

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE WEST: STILL WILD

Loving County judge arrested for cattle theft

Excellent Name For Suspected Cattle-Thief Judge: "Skeet Jones"

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT POLE, OFFICER?

Florida man drives car up pole, arrested for DUI

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SPLISH SPLASH, DUDE

Detroit customs officers seize over 2,000 pounds of marijuana labeled as ‘pool toys’

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Pass the flotation aid, bro.")

DON'T THANK ME; I'M JUST DOING MY JOB

Here I am preparing to do battle with one of New York City's notorious giant cement squirrels.

UPDATE

Wichita Woman Accused of Pooping on Beauty Store Wigs Is Allegedly a Serial Fecal Offender

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Warzone players find XP glitch in King Kong's testicles

Doc shocked to find money up patient’s butt

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE FLATHEAD COUNTY DATING SCENE

5:08 p.m. A woman who tackled a man off of a scooter later told law enforcement they were not in a romantic relationship, but everything was okay.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

The Russian military fired a rocket at Odesa and destroyed the beach toilet.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NEEDLESS TO SAY THE HORSE PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Ohio deputy encounters 'drunk Amish guy' slumped over in moving buggy: 'The horse knows how to get home'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'LEARN TO MONETIZE'

National bank hit by ransomware trolls hackers with dick pics

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

TRY UNPLUGGING IT, THEN PLUGGING IT BACK IN

NASA engineers trying to figure out strange readings from aging interstellar spacecraft

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WHAT'S IN THE U-HAUL, DUDE?

Man busted with nearly 1 ton of marijuana near Florida border, officials say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN COVID-RELIEF ACTION

Rather than return the $360,000 in Covid-19 aid that his small town mistakenly wired to his personal bank account, Sho Taguchi gambled most of the money away online, police said.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, EricY and The Perts)

WHY WE AVOID CAVE EVENTS

Man hauled to safety after hanging from tree at cave event in place known locally as Devil’s Arse

(Thanks to Adrian Hope)

WAIT, WHAT?

Coke's new bottle cap doesn't come off

OK, it turns out that's not actually what the story says.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WILL WE EVER LEARN?

Apparently not.

(Thanks to Fearless Phil)

IN LIEU OF A DRIVER'S LICENSE

Slippery Florida woman throws fake snake to avoid arrest, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross and Jeff Meyerson)

MAINLY BIG MACS

Ancient poop reveals what the builders of Stonehenge liked to eat

(Thanks to GJ and Alkali Bill)