Dave Barry's Blog

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

I just spent some time on your website.

Though it is all better, we can give your website an improved look & feel.

CAREFUL WHAT YOU REACH FOR, DUDE

Nile crocodile found in massive stash of fentanyl pills, guns and cash, Arizona cops say

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW

LED Gaming Chopsticks

(Thanks to Ralph)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

If it's not the snakes or the spiders, it's the kangaroos.

(Thanks to Ralph)

ATTENTION, CUSTOMERS OF ITA AIRWAYS:

You'll want to skip this.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'THEY FOUND MANUELA!'

Missing Pet Tortoise Found In Attic 30 Years Later — Still Alive And Well

(Thanks to Al BArkafski)

UPDATE ON THE WORLDWIDE COORDINATED EFFORT BY SQUIRRELS TO DESTROY OUR FUNDAMENTAL AMERICAN INSTITUTIONS

They are relentless.

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen and GJ)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Swimming rats 'size of cats' sneaking up toilets to invade homes sparks pest control warning

(Thanks to Emily Leslie and w)

JUST STOP

For the first time, scientists have edited the genes of cockroaches to create ‘knockout cockroaches’.

(Thanks to EricY)

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good one. But please take a moment or two to remember why it's called Memorial Day.

YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

Fast-food workers flee from python found behind fryer

Incredibly, this did not happen in Australia.

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

OOPS

Couple inadvertently broadcast themselves having SEX to Minneapolis bat mitzvah for 45 minutes in Zoom blunder

(Thanks to Roberto)

A GREAT OPENING ACT

Gene-editing experiment turns fluffy hamsters into ‘aggressive’ mutant rage monsters

(Thanks to Alkali Bill and Chuck)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Animal rights activists ‘sprayed with cow poo’ at meat industry event

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Artificial Intelligence Can Now Accurately Describe Your Poop

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THANKS, BUT WE PREFER TO WASTE THEM

Don’t waste banana peels: Turn them into tasty vegan ‘pulled pork’

(Thanks to John Gregg)

SHE CELEBRATED BY TURNING THE PROSECUTOR INTO A TOAD

Last Salem 'Witch' Finally Pardoned

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

CASE CLOSED

Two men capture clip of 'Bigfoot running through the trees' as they drive in forest

(Thanks to John Lobert)

HE IS NOW FREE TO DATE OTHER WOMEN

A 99-year-old Italian man is divorcing his wife of 77 years after he stumbled across letters she had written to a secret lover in the 1940s.

(Thanks to DEATH ROW DOC)

WE LIVE IN WONDROUS TIMES

A vibrating pill for constipation heads to the FDA after completing phase 3 study

(Thanks to Joshua Lutes)

HE'S GONNA NEED A BIGGER UMBRELLA

A man who became famous in Turkiye three years ago by flying with a giant umbrella being blown by strong winds has announced his intention to become an astronaut and "the first Turk to go into space".

(Thanks to Ralph)

ISN'T THIS HOW THEY MAKE 'LIGHT' BEER NOW?

Could beer made from urine help water shortages?

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WE'RE GUESSING HE'S A SINGLE DOG

Japanese man spends $15,700 on dog costume to fulfill lifelong dream of transforming into an animal

(Thanks to Roberto and klezmerphan)

IT LOOKS EVERY BIT AS APPETIZING AS IT SOUNDS

Truck crash leaves 15,000 pounds of hot dog filler on road

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "Crews worked their buns off to clean it up.")

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Marlborough residents have been warned of possible sewage “blow backs” coming up their toilets as work begins to clean the region’s wastewater pipes.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

Yellowstone Visitors Cause Traffic Jam Watching Majestic Bull Elk… Pee On His Own Face

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, who sent this in and is getting full credit for it.)

OH, BOTHER

Somebody is making a slasher movie featuring Winnie the Pooh.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

JUST CORN FLAKES FOR US, THANKS

Feminine care brand Intimina developed its raspberry-flavoured 'Period Crunch' to encourage families to discuss menstruation more openly at breakfast.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

International Team Creates Paper Plane Able to Glide Over 77 Meters

(Thanks to Ron T)

MORE THAN FAIR

Bermuda Triangle cruise offers all guests full refund - if the ship disappears

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

HUH

A jury in Portland has convicted a self-published romance novelist — who once wrote an essay titled "How to Murder Your Husband" — of fatally shooting her husband four years ago.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi, I know how busy you must be answering a lot of emails day by day.

OUR GUESS IS, THEY'RE HAVING SEX

Why California’s rattlesnake population is booming

(Thanks to Ranald Adams and Le Petomane)

THEY SHOULD PUT WINDSHIELDS ON THOSE THINGS

US submarine that crashed into an underwater mountain in the South China Sea ran into a pier months earlier

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "The helmsman had a valid etc.")

WITH A NAME LIKE WWW.WELSHITALIANPIZZA.CO.UK, IT HAS TO BE GOOD

Pizza company mortified over 'worst name ever' after website blunder

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

EXCEPT WHEN THEY'RE OPENING FOR CARDI B

Skydiving salamanders live in world’s tallest trees

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko and Al Barkafski)

WHY THE DIAPERS HAVE LONG NAILS WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Cardi B drops a tutorial video showing how to change diapers with long nails

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WHY THE SNAKE WAS PLAYING A VIDEO GAME WE'LL NEVER KNOW

Snake Bites Man on Butt as He Sat on Toilet Playing Video Game

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN FLORIDA, IT WOULD BE DRIVING

Cow sits on family’s lap in backseat of car

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

NEBRASKA: WHERE THE ACTION NEVER STOPS

Pool noodle fight over the name Josh again attracts hundreds

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

CSI: IBERIA PARISH

Two arrested in Louisiana for illegally transporting house, abandoning it in road

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SO HOW WAS SCHOOL?

Nine-year-old boy discovers puma in school toilet cubicle

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

HI THERE...... DENISE!

Dolphins Recognize Each Other By Tasting One Another's Urine

(Thanks to GJ)

WE FEEL OLD

Crews remove last functioning pay phone in New York City

(Thanks to Alan Dean and The Perts)

EVERYBODY STAY INDOORS

Asteroid the size of 350 giraffes to fly past Earth this week

(Thanks to Paul, and to Fabian Marson, who notes that "comets are measured in hippos.")

HEARTBREAKING NEWS FOR GOURMANDS EVERYWHERE

Gourmet boiled peanut restaurant Randeez Nutz Express closes in south Jacksonville

(Thanks to Rick Stevenson)

LET'S NOT HEAR ANY MORE WHINING ABOUT SPIDERS

Wisconsin couple kills bear that attacked them in their home

(Thanks to Bill Ostroot)

IT CONFESSED AFTER THEY TIED IT TO A STOOL

Peruvian police catch “narco pigeon” trying to smuggle marijuana into prison

(Thanks to B&C)

SPOILER ALERT: IT WAS A FLIP PHONE

Japanese teen calls cops on man she thinks is holding a knife

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Try Peeing On Your Plants, Say Experts

(Thanks to EricY)