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May 27, 2022

HUH

A jury in Portland has convicted a self-published romance novelist — who once wrote an essay titled "How to Murder Your Husband" — of fatally shooting her husband four years ago.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

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She was working on the sequel, "And How To Get Away With It" when they captured her.

Will the second edition have any revisions?

She was able to deduct her legal expenses as "a business expense, doing research"

"Crampton"?

She was also an abounding 'How to' author.

So it was an autobiography rather than a novel.

I saw this at my local bookstore! It was on the shelf right next to O.J. Simpson's book, "If I Did It".

Sounds like a self-help book.

Things like this are a great reason not to self-publish. A good editor would have ordered revisions to guide her around the literary land mines and she wouldn't have gotten caught.

She'll be getting out of prison in 10-30 years, and she's planning to perfect her technique. In unrelated news, she's also single and looking for a new husband.

Doesn't anyone value research anymore?

This post made me recall some of my favorite romance novel passages:

"Their eyes met, and they both knew at that very moment that the night would be filled with passionate cries!"
"Yes, the cat was in heat again!"

"At dinner, the wine was arrogant yet fruity...much like the waiter....."

"She turned to him with a wistful look, and said 'Please kiss me where I've never been kissed before!'...so that night he drove her to a small town just west of Albuquerque......"

Wasn't this the plot of every third episode of Murder, She Wrote?

Shows the effectiveness of her methods. Sales will be through the roof!

To continue Death Row Doc's bad romance novel lines:

"Her breasts heaved like a stormy ocean, and her pointed nipples were like hypodermics washed up onshore."

"Chery's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, changing her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell into a growing pile of memories"


The second printing title will be changed to "How NOT to murder your husband" and feature a chapter entitled "What I did wtong the last time"/

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