Dave Barry's Blog

RESEARCHERS ARE EASILY DELIGHTED

Native red triangle slugs pop up in Queensland backyards after rain, delighting researchers

(Thanks to Ralph and Roberto)

FINALLY SOMEBODY IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT CANADIANS COMMITTING CRIMES ON THE MOON

Canada’s criminal code to soon include crimes committed on the moon

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO TO CONTROL THE INTERNET

A photo of an echidna’s penis landed in Facebook feeds without warning

(Thanks to Ralph)

HEY, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY TRIED TO GET THROUGH WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER

A US family caused a bomb scare at Israel's main international airport after presenting an unexploded artillery shell at a security check.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, pharmaross, Steve K, Peter Metrinko and Barry)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY ETC?

Watching TV in self-driving cars to be allowed

(Thanks to B&C)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Moose spotted on roof of Polish shopping centre

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOLO

Search underway for suspected thief who has very large, very hairy feet in Georgia

No word on what kind of feet he has in other states.

(Thanks to Ralph)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

OJ Cereal

(Thanks to Clayton Carroll, who says "I'll pass.")

COINCIDENTALLY, CONGRESS IS IN SESSION

It's National Hairball Awareness Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE KNOW, WE KNOW

The picture in the previous post appears to be sideways. In fact it was taken on a very steep hill.

OK THEN!

THEY ARE FIENDS

Police say a 911 caller stated that “a 78-year-old elderly man was actively being attacked by a squirrel, who was eating his hand.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE BARBECUE SAUCE

Truck carrying 40K pounds of frozen chicken nuggets crashes in Bucks County, Pa.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: FLOMATON

Police Seek Woman Seen On Stolen Riding Mower With Trailer Of Stolen Goods

(Thanks to Barry Ott)

IF THAT DOESN'T SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

Visitors to the Statehouse on Thursday were met with an unusual welcoming committee: environmental advocates dressed as giant penises.

(Thanks to Annette)

EASY FOR HIM TO SAY

Be kind to your mother-in-law, urges Pope

(Thanks to Regan Wieland, who says "Says the guy who doesn’t have one.")

OF COURSE THEY HAVE

South American 'Penis Snakes' Have Been Found in Florida

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NEXT TO A PILLOW THAT SAYS 'LIVE THE LIFE YOU'VE IMAGINED'

North Texas family finds rattlesnake coiled on couch that they were sitting on just 10 minutes prior

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALABAMA TRAFFIC REPORT

Raw chicken parts cover road in Tuscaloosa

(Thanks to Ralph, who asks "Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?")

LOOK UP 'FLORIDA MAN' IN THE DICTIONARY

...and you'll see this photo.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

STEM STUDENTS IN ACTION

MIT throws 50th piano from residence hall roof, community cheers

(Thanks to Ralph)

ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

‘Easter Bunny’ listed as prosecutor in hundreds of Iowa court cases

(Thanks to pharmaross and MOTW)

THIS MAY BE WHY THE CRUSADERS LOST*

Ancient ceramic pots from 11th–12th century Jerusalem may have been used as hand grenades during the time of the Crusades, a new study suggests.

(Thanks to Todd Lawson, who asks, after taking a deep breath, "Could this be evidence of the existence of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch used by King Arthur in his battle with the killer bunny as shown in the documentary movie 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail?'”)

*We are assuming here that the Crusaders lost.

BRILLIANT

Prime Minister's department takes down 'phallic' Women's Network logo after criticism

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner, who says "Always run it past thirteen-year-old boys first.")

Note: We're thinking maybe we ran this item already, and therefore, as a precaution, we have fired judi.

YES, IF BY 'HAVING THE BEST TIME' YOU MEAN 'SLEEPING'

Are Baby Boomers having the best time in bed?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS OUR NIGHTMARE

A trip to the deadline cafe in Tokyo, where staff won’t let you leave until you’re done writing

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU KNOW WHO IS BEHIND THIS. (HINT: IT RHYMES WITH 'XQUIRREL')

Crocodile on Key West naval air base causes runway shutdown

(Thanks to Ralph)

LEGALLY AIRTIGHT

Woman marries her cat to get round pet-hating landlords

(Thanks to John Lobert)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi,

Hope you are doing well.

We are a professional tin box factory in China and

GO FIGURE

Fictosexual man who married hologram singer says no family showed up to wedding

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AND IN SPORTS

Massachusetts family wins $5 million verdict from country club after property hit by over 600 golf balls

(Thanks to The Perts)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Spider monkey with 'Batman' markings born at Florida zoo

(Thanks to The Perts)

DITTO

This spider's solution to sexual cannibalism? Catapulting away

(Thanks to The Perts)

'CANDYGRAM'

Alligator found scratching at front door of Florida home

(Thanks to Ralph)

THAT WOULD EXPLAIN RUDOLPH'S RED NOSE

An LAPD investigation is underway over a stuffed animal reindeer found to be hiding three bags of an “off-white powdery substance resembling cocaine”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

DUI driver arrested after colliding with stopped FHP cruiser on US-19 in Palm Harbor

He already has a Florida license.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS II

Third baseman Lucius Fox barfs on field during Nationals’ game against Giants

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

TIME FOR A BENEFIT CONCERT

Chippendales strippers retain DC lobbyist to help secure pandemic aid

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Pigeon interrupts game at World Snooker Championship

(Thanks to Ralph)

DUDE, WANNA DO A SLICE?

NY weighs giving pizza joints, other eateries OK to sell cannabis-infused food

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MOTHER'S DAY IS COMING

Maybe Mom wants WonderSpray.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WRONG

Naturist Stuart, 85: 'You're never too old to be naked'

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BUT THEY'RE HARDER TO CATCH

Women who jog enjoy more intense orgasms -- and the further they go the better the climax

(Thanks to Allen at Division and pharmaross)

HUH

Highway warnings about traffic deaths may increase crashes, study finds

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

 

CRUSHING WHAT?

Poop pill could be the secret to crushing it at the gym

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HEALTH ADVISORY FOR MEN:

Never try to break up a water-buffalo fight.

Also, do not click on that link.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SMART!

A Tesla vehicle using ‘Smart Summon’ appears to crash into a $3.5 million private jet

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Gatorland announces Gatorpalooza, a two-day festival with a 'Florida Man' race through gator-infested swamps

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS PRETTY GREAT

'We're going to be SO rich!' Doorbell camera captures boys' hilarious conversation after woman agrees to pay them $20 to shovel snow off her driveway

(Thanks to Roberto)

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE HAVE THE INTERNET

A Google Maps fan account on TikTok spotted the iconic mascot of the American pizza chain Chuck-E Cheese driving with his head out of the window in California

(Thanks to Ralph)