Dave Barry's Blog

UH-OH

Japanese 'killing stone,' said to contain an evil spirit, has split in two

(Thanks to Steve K.)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Dad finds ‘mutant’ five-inch crisp in his cheese and onion Aldi snack

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS THING WOULD LAST 30 SECONDS, MAX, ON THE STREETS OF MIAMI

Robot dog carrying loudspeaker barks COVID safety instructions in China

(Thanks to Roberto)

On this blog's computer, the video was preceded by a short ad for dog food. Really.

WELL HOW ELSE WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO GET THERE?

Woman arrested for car theft drove another stolen car to court appearance

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON

Zebra mbuna fish and stingrays can add and subtract

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AS OPPOSED TO A GUILTY FLOCK OF SHEEP

He forced a number of motorists to swerve out of his way to avoid striking him before he ended up in the field haranguing an innocent flock of sheep.

(Thanks to Ralph)

SADDEST HOTEL PROMOTION EVER

A Kentucky hotel is offering houseplant-loving tourists the chance to bring them along to the "World's First Plant-Friendly Hotel experience."

(Thanks to Ralph)

TENNIS UPDATE

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bring you the Tennis Update.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

IT HAS RECEIVED SEVERAL SCHOLARSHIP OFFERS

Alligator seen swimming with football in mouth in Florida

(Thanks to Rick Day and pharmaross)

NO JURY WOULD CONVICT HER FOR MURDERING HIM

Man brings entire gaming console to hospital for his partner's labour

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Bathe in poop with Japan’s latest weirdly wonderful bath bomb

(Thanks to Ralph)

'THIS IS NOT YOUR PARENTS' SEWAGE PUMP STATION'

New sewage pump station in Ballard will feature 80-foot-tall steel lattice with shimmering lights

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "Grand Forks must challenge this!")

SO IT'S GOING TO STAY UP

Work begins on restoration of North Philly's historic 'Boner 4ever' building

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU'LL HAVE TO PRY IT FROM OUR COLD, DEAD FINGERS

The battle for your toilet paper is on

(Thanks to Chris Elzi, Le Petomane and Frank)

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PERSON YOU SUSPECT

1:51 a.m. — A 67-year-old woman called 911 to report that she observed an unknown subject in her house on her security camera. Upon reviewing the footage with the complainant, it was determined that she saw herself on the footage.

(Thanks to Regan Wieland)

DOES IT COME WITH VETO POWER?

Mexico to rent out presidential jet for weddings, parties

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "an actual air bnb.")

SNORKELERS WELCOME!

Scientists have discovered a secret great white shark social club in the clear blue waters of Guadalupe Island, off the western coast of Mexico.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'OH, *THESE* BICYCLES, OFFICERS?'

A man in Oxfordshire, England is currently being investigated about a pile of over 500 bicycles in his backyard, a stash so big it literally shows up on Google Earth.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and The Perts)

THIS IS EVERY DAY IN THE BLOG'S 'HOOD

It's Manatee Appreciation Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T SERVE THEM TEQUILA

Herd of deer runs amok at Wisconsin bar

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'D BE PRETTY COOL TO DECLARE A TANK

Ukrainian authorities say citizens don't need to declare captured Russian tanks and military equipment for tax purposes

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

ALL PART OF THEIR PLAN

Homeless ‘squirrel man’ who lives in Manhattan tree arrested in attack on Post reporter

(Thanks to Frank)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

5:16 a.m. A caller said they were “tired of Congress.”

(Thanks to Roberto)

WE'VE HAD LAYOVERS CLOSE TO THAT LONG

Chinese man has lived in an airport for 14 YEARS so he can get away from his family plus smoke and drink as much as he wants

(Thanks to Roberto)

FATHER’S DAY IS COMING

Taxidermists Are Seriously Turning Deer Butts Into Assquatches

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEN WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW

Is a recession coming? Alan Greenspan says the answer is in men's underwear

(Thanks to Dave Emery, who says "I'd rather peer into a crystal ball.")

FLORIDAAAAAAAA

Florida Man Found Stuck And Screaming In A Port-A-Potty Arrested On Drug Charges

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Why Men Might Start Getting Their Own Sperm From 3D-Printed Testicles

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IN LIEU OF A TIP

Customer leaves full set of teeth at UK pizza restaurant

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

'THERE ARE NO COMPLICATIONS TO THIS DIET'

‘Real-life Wolverine’ credits ripped physique to raw brains and testicles diet

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

KRAZY GOO

The only fully biodegradable glue made purely from pasteurized horse and oxen semen.

(Thanks to EricY)

DUDE, THAT'S EVERY DAY

Today is National Weed Appreciation Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WAIT... THE POLICE ARE IN UNDERWEAR AND SOCKS?

Dorset Police hunt prisoner on the run in underwear and socks

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Corpse on way to funeral home flies out of van in multi-car pile-up involving horse

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOPE

Rescue Snake Helps Out His Mom Out By Pretending To Be A Scrunchie

(Thanks to Ralph)

'HE'S LOOKING AT ME AND I'M LOOKING AT HIM'

Escaped donkey surrenders to police officer's mustache in California

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

AND IN SPORTS

A 71-year-old man has been released from jail after being arrested for using a permanent marker on a basketball court at Central Park Rec Center to identify the boundaries used for pickleball.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE F&#%ING KNEW IT

Swearing like a trooper eases pain just like pills, study shows

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Two arrested with multiple drugs after crashing into cop car

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Snake Catcher Breaks Wall to Catch 6ft Black Mamba Hiding There for Weeks

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'USING SPECIFIC TOOLS'

Fire and Rescue Department personnel came to the rescue of an eight-year-old boy in Semporna who had managed to get his genitals stuck in the zipper of his trousers on Thursday (Mar 24) evening.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ART UPDATE

David Cronenberg to Unveil Kidney Stones as NFT

(Thanks to Ralph)

ATTENTION, PEOPLE SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN NEXT TO FLORIDA

Get out.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Update: We are informed in the comments that according to the actual story (which we did not have time to read, as we were busy posting it) the shark is in the Gulf of Mexico, not the ocean. Judi has of course been terminated.

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Border patrol agents found about 60 lizards and snakes tied up in small bags, “which were concealed in the man’s jacket, pants pockets, and groin area.”

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento) 

UH-OH

Tiny Hebrew ‘curse tablet’ including name of God uncovered by archaeologists

Paging Indiana Jones...

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CHIHUAHUAS ARE THE DOG VERSION OF SQUIRRELS

Town living in fear of pair of chihuahuas that even bullied a police dog

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS IS PRECISELY THE KIND OF EMERGENCY FOR WHICH 911 WAS CREATED

On Tuesday evening, Lisa Castro called 911 to report being “upset because she only got 4 pieces of chicken instead of 8”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CANADA: A NATION ON THE BRINK OF CHAOS

Dozens of benches across B.C. have been branded with the same crude tribute, to municipalities' displeasure

(Thanks to Roberto)

WYOMING POLITICAL REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Wyoming Political Report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE DOWNSIDE IS, THEY KEEP FORGETTING TO TAKE IT

Male Contraceptive Pill Found 99% Effective in Mice, With No Observable Side Effects

(Thanks to Frank)