Dave Barry's Blog

THIS HAS TO BE A VIOLATION OF SOME INTERNATIONAL TREATY

Barry Manilow hits deployed to flush out vaccine protesters in New Zealand

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Steve Bradford, John W., Rick Day, Steve K. and Asher Scheiner)

FOR THE COWS?

How hugging cows can help with mental health

(Thanks to ThePerts)

AND THE BARTENDER SAYS...

Loose pig wanders into British social club

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

Tesla owners cannot make their cars fart at pedestrians, says U.S. gov't

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER THE ALLIGATOR PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Man pulled over by cops had active felony warrant — and alligator in his car

(Thanks to pharmaross)

REPORT FROM THE FIELD

PAGING SAMUEL L. JACKSON

Snake Spotted Slithering on Plane by Passengers, Forces Flight to Make Emergency Landing

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YUM

Rack of squirrel, anyone?

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins and Rick Day)

SECOND PRIZE: A LONGER TRIP TO NEW HAMPSHIRE

Massachusetts game show winner gets trip to New Hampshire

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, LOVERS OF FASHION:

Vetements is releasing a collaboration with Levi's that includes a pair of jeans with a zipper that runs straight down your derrière. Yes, a zipper that you can zip up — or down — to expose your bare butt. If

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

AND IN SPORTS

The Portland Pickles have found themselves in a dilemma after their beloved mascot Dillon was stolen by a porch pirate.

(Thanks to MOTW)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Idaho Potato Commission releases limited-edition potato perfume

(Thanks to MOTW and Ralph)

BOLO

60,000 bees stolen from grocery company’s pollinator field

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello,
I am a professional blogger outreach service provider.

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

 Wisconsin driver going 112 mph told cops he was ‘running late for a party’

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

AS NIGHT FOLLOWS DAY

Hudson Mayor Says Ice Fishing is a Slippery Slope to Prostitution

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, Ann Farr, Geoff Scott, Ralph, Steve K., Charles Cates and Peter Metrinko)

WELL IF A ‘UFO ENTHUSIAST’ BELIEVES IT, THAT’S ENOUGH EVIDENCE FOR US

UFO enthusiast believes they spotted alien craft over Earth in NASA photo

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NOT WEIRD AT ALL!

Meet Sam Barsky: He Makes Matching Sweaters Of Places He Visits

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

The event proved full of surprises, though, when a fire alarm was triggered and caused Barry and the entire audience to be evacuated from the Van Wezel. The crowd stood in the chilly weather until officials confirmed it was a false alarm.

THAR SHE BLOWS

A lot of “sea serpent sightings” could actually be whale boners

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "Moby Dick Part 2")

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF, OFFICERS

A Florida man police say declared he was Mick Jagger while drunk in downtown Naples was arrested on Monday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'MOTHER NATURE WAS CALLING'

SUV slides into Michigan river when driver gets out to relieve himself

(Thanks to pharmaross and Geoff Scott, who says "I suspect it scared the cr*p out of him too.")

AND IN SPORTS

Golfing cockatoos reveal ability to use combined tools

(Thanks to Ralph)

YEAH, NO

‘Inspired by Che Guevara and Fidel Castro,’ a New York restaurant missteps in MiamI

(Thanks to wiredog, who says “Business School Grad of the day so far.”)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Asda car park in Llandudno blocked by fighting goats

(Thanks to Steve Bradford, who says he saw them open for Black Sabbath)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

'Alien' spotted watching Mars rover in certain 'proof of life', expert claims

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "The Nessie hunters should start showing us photos this convincing.")

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi Dave,

Just wondering if you saw my last email?

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

Leaf blowing feud ends with 2 stabbed, Florida woman arrested

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY HAVE A MANILOW IMPERSONATOR STANDING BY IN CASE THINGS GET OUT OF HAND

Marvin Gaye impersonator serenades monkeys to help them 'get it on' in mating season

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BOLO

Nearly 250K fish escape from Washington fish hatchery

(Thanks to MOTW)

THE NEWS FROM EUROPE

Marie Antoinette hit by ‘flying human poo’ at Palace of Versailles

This has been The News From Europe.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THANK GOODNESS SHE’S OK

Life-sized doll mistaken for 'deceased female' on Georgia trail

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ralph)

HEADED FOR FLORIDA, NO DOUBT

In the 22-second clip, a snow buggy dragging a boat makes for a bizarre image on the deserted, icy road - as a person wearing skis hitches a ride on the back of the vessel.

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

AND IN SPORTS

An Arctic hare travelled more than 388 kilometres over seven weeks in Canada’s Far North, the longest distance ever recorded for any hare, rabbit or similar animal.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL, DUDE?

Fish feces key ingredient to marijuana for Michigan grower

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says “That's some good sh*t, Dude!”)

TEENAGE GUYS IN ACTION

According to LPD, a 17-year-old male, in possession of the vehicle, was lighting and throwing fireworks out of the vehicle at around 10:31 p.m. While attempting to throw one of the lit fireworks out of the vehicle, the firework bounced into the back seat where it landed next to a one-foot-by-one-foot box of fireworks.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OPTIONAL ON YOUR TESLA

Elon Musk’s Neuralink 'Brain Chip' could give users orgasms on demand

(Thanks to Static Joeage)

AN EXTREMELY FLORIDA STORY

Port St. Lucie man arrested after train hits stolen car, car flies into nearby home

Some key excerpts:

• Bradford Weitzel, 38, told officials he couldn't locate his car after leaving a Martin County bar early Saturday morning. Weitzel reportedly stole a vehicle in an effort to locate his own.
• He also claimed the stolen vehicle stopped suddenly on the tracks as a train was coming. Weitzel said he got out of the vehicle, leaving it on the tracks.
• Officials report that Weitzel continued on to a nearby fruit stand, where he vandalized the business.
• They say he also attempted to steal a forklift.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HOW COLD IS IT IN TEXAS?

It's So Cold in Texas That Trees Are Exploding

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, who says "Exploding Trees would have been a good name for a rock band with Ronnie Wood and Steve Winwood.")

BOLO, ME HEARTIES

Florida Man, Dressed As ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’ Wanted For Stealing Amazon Packages

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

'Angry spouse' throws iMac out of window, kills pigeon

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

TP Tracking Toilet Paper Holder Shames Excessive Wipers

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: EAST STROUDSBURG

A Pennsylvania man was arrested in connection with the theft of a 22-year-old bobcat from an animal farm.

(Thanks to Karen)

ALWAYS CHECK BEFORE DRIVING

I found a naked man in my car trunk – he had been there for 3 days

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OR ELSE

STOP SAILING SHORT LOW BALLS

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU CAN GET THEM WITH YOUR PRIME MEMBERSHIP

Pineda is accused of ordering counterfeit bills from Amazon, swapping them with money taken from store cash registers and sealing them in bags for transfer to the bank

(Thanks to Dave Vander Ark)

THE WHALE IS STILL AT LARGE

Gujarat man caught with 830gm ‘whale vomit’

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

'NO ONE WANTS TO RIDE WITH HIM'

Man finds giant spider in his car and decides to keep it there as a pet for entire year

You know the continent.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MINNESOTA GUYS IN ACTION

‘Troy Sucks At Fishing’: Friends Buy Billboard In Brainerd To Trash Talk

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NOPE

Chicken of the Trees: The Ultimate Guide to Catching and Cooking Iguanas

(Thanks to pharmaross)