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January 24, 2022

KENTUCKY TRAFFIC REPORT

A Limo With A Trunk-Mounted Stripper Pole Crashed Into A Creek

No doubt en route to Florida.

(Thanks to James Flynn)

ATTENTION, DETROIT LIONS FANS:

Trophy drought: A cow must be sacrificed to reverse the bad luck on Black Stars – Prophet

(Thanks to pharmaross)

UPDATE

Nephew who took uncle's corpse to post office for pension 'didn't know he was dead'

Totally plausible.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w

IF IT WAS 'COPACABANA,' WE'D UNDERSTAND

Man divorces wife in record time after her song choice at their wedding sparks family row

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WARREN

The great Warren Zevon would have turned 75 today. He played many times with the Rock Bottom Remainders, possibly because he learned so much about music from me and Steve King.

Dave Steve Warren Zevon

THAT SHOULD FIX HIS CREDIT RATING

Man Sets Bank Branch on Fire After Being Denied Loan

(Thanks to Ralph)

WONDER WHY

Is Old Music Killing New Music?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and pharmaross)

HARD PASS

...it’s time to meet Rémy Vicarini who likes to make tiny helmets for his cat.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

January 23, 2022

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

9:38 a.m. A woman at a motel told the housekeepers she was immortal.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

UNUSED, FORTUNATELY

Truck carrying 30,000 pounds of diapers dumps on Highway 401

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THESE TODDLERS TODAY

Toddler clears out mom's online shopping cart, orders $2K worth of items from Walmart

(Thanks to EricY and Jeff Meyerson)

AND IN SPORTS

Frisky Henry Dwyer-trained 2YO jumps out with erection at Geelong

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS INEVITABLE, DUDE

Pot bust made on Stoner Drive in Bakersfield

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE THINK THIS IS IMPORTANT, BUT WE CAN'T READ IT

Doctor Claims It's Possible To Fart Yourself Blind

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEN: LOOKING FOR A VERY SPECIAL GIFT FOR A VERY SPECIAL SOMEONE?

Look no further.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

JUST A BEER FOR US, THANKS

Sheep-Face Pizza On Offer For Farmer’s Day

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR

Dead man brought to post office by friends seeking his pension

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, pharmaross and Roberto)

WHO DOESN'T?

Wish you could lift dumbbells with your feet like you can with your hands?

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

January 22, 2022

BOLO

Robot vacuum cleaner escapes from Cambridge Travelodge

(Thanks to MrX)

THIS SHOULD TRIGGER A LOCKDOWN

Barry Manilow serenaded by fans singing ‘Copacabana’ at NYC hot spot

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THERE IS NOTHING MORE UNNATURAL THAN NATURE

New species of creepy branching worm discovered in Japan is named after Godzilla's three-headed nemesis

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT WAS HIDING FROM THE SNAKES

Australian woman finds scorpion in package of broccoli

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

THEY ALL PRODUCED VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS’ LICENSES

Truck with 100 monkeys crashes, some of them missing

(Thanks to pharmaross, Roberto, Tinkerbell and Nelson from Michigan)

January 21, 2022

SEE IF YOU CAN GUESS THE STATE

Woman sets car on fire after police stop for driving wrong way

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

SURE, THIS WILL WORK

Under new regulations introduced in Belgium, government workers will be entitled to ignore their bosses if they're contacted after hours.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

“Seaberry advised he couldn’t stop due to his [brakes] being out and because he wanted to eat his burger that he just purchased,” Monroe Police Department Officer Dylan Johnson wrote in the probable cause affidavit.

(Thanks to Andrew Mendez)

‘TIKTOK USERS’ IS APPARENTLY THE MEDICAL TERM FOR ‘IDIOTS’

A doctor has issued a warning after TikTok users have been 'cooking' chicken in cough syrup - because they think it can cure a cold.

(Thanks to Ralph)

January 20, 2022

WASN'T THIS AN EPISODE OF 'LASSIE?'

Stranded dog saved from rising tide after rescuers attach sausage to drone

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Roberto)

DUDE WE HAD *NO IDEA*

Using marijuana may affect your ability to think and plan, study says

(Thanks to GJ)

STAND TALL, TENNESSEE

The world’s largest cast iron skillet was spotted en route to a museum being built by Lodge Cast Iron in Tennessee.

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

FINALLY, A NON-SNAKE ITEM FROM AUSTRALIA

Giant "googly eyes" have continued to appear around Adelaide

(Thanks to Ralph)

OH SHUT UP

Daily glass of wine is not good for you, world heart experts say

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "This is why we always drink more than one glass.")

ARE YOU TAKING A SOLO, OR ARE YOU JUST GLAD TO SEE ME?

Man stole $8,000 guitar from store by stuffing it down his pants, police say

(Thanks to B&C)

NEVER MIND

‘Swan in peril’ turns out to be plastic chair

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS IS TERRIFYING

Giant cat looks set to break world record after weighing in at 27.5lb

(Thanks to coscolo)

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY

House Flush With Toilets Listed In South Milwaukee

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and Static Joeage)

January 19, 2022

FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Probation For Man Who Violated Stuffed Unicorn, "Frozen" Doll Inside Target Store

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAA

A man who sleeps in a tent in his yard while his wife sleeps in their bed says their arrangement doesn't affect his marriage

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE HAS OUR VOTE, DUDE

U.S. Senate candidate from Louisiana smokes marijuana in campaign ad

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

‘IT TASTES JUST LIKE CHICKEN’

As the Price of Pork Rises, People Are Turning to Crocodile Meat

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

ART UPDATE

A Russian artist has been arrested for creating a snow sculpture in the form of a giant turd near a burial site in St. Petersburg.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and pharmaross)

WE’RE OK WITH THIS AS LONG AS THE DOG WAS VACCINATED

A locally-owned restaurant in Alberta was temporarily shut down after investigators dined indoors by presenting a photograph of a dog.

(Thanks to B&C)

UN TROOPS ON THE WAY

A neighbor’s noisy toilet is a human rights violation, Italy’s top court rules

(Thanks to GJ and pharmaross)

NO WORD ON WHY

CAMPBELL’S RELEASES SOUP SCENTED CANDLES

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IF HE IS, HE’LL RECEIVE A FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

DNA testing to decide whether 'world's largest spud' nicknamed 'Doug' is a potato

(Thanks to Ralph, and John Lobert, who says “But will we know the father?”)

January 18, 2022

WELL WHAT ROAD IS IT *SUPPOSED* TO TAKE?

Florida Highway Patrol troopers work at corralling 12-foot gator on Alligator Alley

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PRIORITIES

Woman takes selfie on top of her car as it sinks into icy river and rescuers rush to save her in Canada

(Thanks to Corey Smith)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Water buffalo escapes Fresno home, gets involved in low-speed chase with CHP officers

(Thanks to Ralph)

ATTENTION, AUSTRALIANS SEEKING A FUN CAREER OPPORTUNITY:

Seek no further.

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

THERE'S A 'SHORTFALL'

Condom sales limp during pandemic, world's biggest maker says

(Thanks to The Perts)

 
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