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December 07, 2021

WE'RE ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW

Subsequent keynote authors over the years have included Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist the late Dave Barry, Mitch Albom, the late Anthony Bourdain, John Grogan (Marley & Me), Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook), Candace Bushnell (Sex and the City), Kathryn Stockett (The Help), Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl), and Kevin Kwan (Crazy Rich Asians), leaving this year’s speaker in good company.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Comments

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We barely knew you.

Sounds like you're right on time, if not just a bit early.

So is this what we would call a ghostwriter?

I'm sorry for your loss?

He was a swell guy *tears*, He can keep that dollar He owes me.

Huh, forget what I said about that dollar.

This is what happens when you step into the men's room right before they introduce you.

Looks like they fixed it on the web page, thankfully. You had me worried.

Obviously the Miami Herald had Dave exhumed and put on the back of a motorcycle for public relations events.

Judi is really continuing the blog under Dave's byline to keep the book residuals coming in.

Dave, you look great...considering.

If only he had started taking the viagra from the onset!

Dave is in good company. The same thing happened to Mark Twain, who also didn't notice he was deceased, and just kept right on writing.


http://www.thisdayinquotes.com/2010/06/reports-of-my-death-are-greatly.html#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20widely%2Drepeated,%E2%80%A6have%20been%20greatly%20exaggerated.%E2%80%9D

Your secret is safe with us. Just don't sign your final tax return. It's a dead giveaway.

Now you know why your phones have stopped ringing.

Now you know why you were never invited back.

Dave who?

I wouldn't say it was greatly exaggerated.

Maybe they were referring to your career.

Beware of the editor sending a hitman to correct the facts. It's easier than correcting the internet.

And yet he still looks so natural!

Where is the Miami Herald displaying Dave's corpse on the motorcycle during Art Basel?

I'd like to get a few pics for posterity and include them in my coffee-table book about dead celebrities. The hardcover book is in the shape of a coffin.

So what happened?

Was it a shark, gator, Burmese Python, or a rabid iguana in his toilet?

It's his agent's fault. He tried to say Dave Barry "is as great as Mark Twain" and it came out "as late as Mark Twain."

I guess it's true that death makes for great politics.

Dave's epitaph to be inscribed on the tombstone:

"He had a lot of experience with amphibians."

Dave, can you prove that you are not dead yet?

Knocking sound on the door.
"Who's there?"
soft voice--"It's me, Dave."
"Dave's not here, man."
Louder voice--"It's me, Dave, I got the stuff."
"Dave's not here man."
louder voice--"It's me, Dave. let me in, I got the stuff."
"Dave's not here man. I mean Dave's REALLY not here, man."

He's feeling better.

Dave, you're alive? There must be a disruption in the time stream. Stay where you are; we'll dispatch someone to correct the situation.

After extensive research, I have to ask, ARE YOU A ZOMBIE?

You had to know they would never name a sewage lift station after a living individual.

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