Dave Barry's Blog

GOODBYE, 2021

Thanks to all of you blogsters for being part of the vital work that this blog does. And as always,

FLORIDA GOT RID OF THEM 50 YEARS AGO

Indiana GOP lawmaker’s bill would repeal law requiring turn signals

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

Alabama teen says hamster bit him in movie theater as he watched ‘Spider-Man’

(Thanks to Ron T)

DON'T LOOK UP

Unusual phenomenon causes fish to rain from sky in Texas town

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALSO A TANKER FULL OF KETCHUP

U.S. freight forwarder Flexport Inc. will help fly three planes loaded with potatoes to Japan, where a shortage of spuds has caused McDonald’s in the country to ration french fries.

(Thanks to The Perts)

ATTENTION, OYSTER FARMERS LOOKING TO PREVENT THIEVERY:

Here you go.

(Thanks to Rodney Beterelsen)

IT'S ON OUR TO-DO LIST

Don't forget to declare income from stolen goods and illegal activities, IRS says

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan and The Perts)

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Police look for leads in Christmas butter heist in Trenton, Ont.

(Thanks to wiredog, The Perts and pharmaross)

THAT ALEXA, SUCH A KIDDER

Amazon updates Alexa after AI assistant tells 10-year-old to put penny into electrical plugs

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Rod Nunley)

THIS IS WHY THE MEDICAL EXPERTS ALL SAY YOU SHOULD STOP AT A DOZEN

Man Hospitalized After Putting 15 Boiled Eggs Up His Anus

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Update: It has been called to our attention that this item is old. Rest assured that judi will be called out of retirement and summarily fired, just as soon as we find out what "summarily" means.

IT'S A BARGAIN

Elvis's jockstrap.

(Thanks to Charles Cates)

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP

Mom finds crystal meth worth $120,609 in cereal box as she made breakfast for toddlers

(Thanks to Rick Day)

THERE'S A DARTH VADER STUFFED BEAR?

Mom, child had knives inside Darth Vader stuffed bear at Philadelphia airport, TSA says

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WE'RE FINALLY FIGHTING BACK

Bloodthirsty squirrel KILLED after attacking 18 people in 48 hours, leaving families too scared to leave home

(Thanks to Rick Day, Barry Nester and pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Snake wreaks havoc at Australian news station and leaves reporters screaming in terror

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SPECIFICALLY, HARVEY WEINSTEIN

Farmer astonished after goat gives birth to baby 'with face of human'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS BLOG IS ALL ABOUT CHANGING LIVES

Dave,

Just wanted you to know that I followed in the footsteps of greatness!

I remember your article about strawberry pop tarts starting a fire from back with the web was a little baby, but it’s stuck with me all these years.

During a COVID style tele-team meeting about a year ago, the topic somehow came up and i casually threw out the fact that strawberry pop tarts would shoot a flame into the air when held in a toaster for several minutes. After several months of my co-workers occasional questions of proof, I found your article and sent it around, but they weren’t satisfied.

So, when cleaning out my garage a few months ago and coming across an old toaster, I decided it was time to prove you right.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Matthew

MAKES AS MUCH SENSE TO US AS 'BITCOIN'

Cheetos snack shaped like Loch Ness Monster goes on sale for £630k on eBay

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "clearest image I've seen so far.")

AGAIN WE ASK: WHY IS ANYBODY IN AUSTRALIA EVER SHOCKED BY ANYTHING?

A family in Western Australia got the shock of their lives a few days ago when a large huntsman spider climbed out of their child's school sneaker.

(Thanks to Ralph)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS TO THE BLOG THAT WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Dear Dave Barry,

Trusting that you are keeping well amid this pandemic.

I am writing this email to make a sincere follow-up on my previous email below to know whether you had the time to check it.

SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately our strict policy against making fun of names prohibits us from linking to the Scientific Discovery of the Week So Far.

(Thanks to Le Petomane) 

'THE DOGS ONLY LOOKED ON AND DID NOT ENGAGE IN BITING'

Woman bites woman in fight over dog discipline

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE WILLING TO LEARN

You Have No Idea How Hard It Is to Get a Hamster Drunk

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Ralph)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Women who have sex more frequently have better developed brains

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Kent State offensive lineman penalized for puking in bowl game

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE INTENTIONAL NORWEGIAN GOAT CHEESE FIRE

An Accidental Norwegian Goat Cheese Fire Burned For Days

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IMAGINE THE SHRINKAGE

Freezy riders! Pair of NAKED skiers are spotted on slopes of 4,000ft Scottish mountain on frozen -2C morning

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MAKES SENSE TO THIS BLOG

Why is NASA hiring religious experts now?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BLOGSTERS, AND DON'T FORGET:

THERE'S A SIMPLE FIX FOR THAT

Flying squirrels found living on University of Nebraska campus

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

PLAYING THE PENNY SLOTS

55-foot-long Triassic sea monster discovered in Nevada

(Thanks to The Perts)

PROBABLY TRYING TO ESCAPE THE SNAKES

Australia has a surfing chicken.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

A Japanese professor has developed a prototype lickable TV screen that can imitate food flavours, another step towards creating a multi-sensory viewing experience.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, Bill Hudgins and Nigel Grout)

IT'S A HIGHLY COMPETITIVE CATEGORY

7.5-foot-long mushroom canoe earns Guinness World Record

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHEW

No, tardigrades have not been quantum entangled with a qubit

(Thanks to Alan West)

IT'S FESTIVUS!

Time to air those grievances.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR CHUMBAWAMBA

Ham Sniffers Are Pushing Their Noses to the Limit

(Thanks to John Dodds)

They also toured with Bin-Raiding Emu.

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

THE 2021 YEAR IN REVIEW

I'm sorry.

NOT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD

The world's first octopus farm - should it go ahead?

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Chaos As Lady Turns Into Goat While In Bed With Boyfriend

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

WORLD’S LARGEST T-SHIRT CANNON IS CAPABLE OF SHOOTING SHIRTS OUT OF THE STADIUM

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Finally!")

THEY HATE US

Squirrels force St. Paul park to scale back holiday lights

(Thanks to EricY, pharmaross, Jay Brandes, Not My Usual Alias and The Perts)

EVERYONE GRAB HOLD OF SOMETHING

Earth Is Spinning Faster Now Than It Was 50 Years Ago

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

IDEALLY BEFORE APRIL 15

End of the world warning as scientists pinpoint exactly when Sun will explode

(Thanks to Le Petomane and James Flynn, who says "When the Cleveland Browns make the Super Bowl?")

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Precopulatory oral sex found in darkling beetles

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TALLY HO!

Giant millipedes as long as a car and weighing 50kg once hunted across northern England

(Thanks to Ralph)

'YOU'LL NEED TO HAVE DEDICATION'

Pub landlord, caretaker and monarch sought for isolated Piel Island

(Thanks to The Perts)

OUR NIGHTMARE IS OVER

Stolen Ohio bridge found, man facing theft charge

(Thanks to The Perts and pharmaross)

THANK GOD FOR STUDIES

States rushed to loosen alcohol laws in the pandemic. Heavy drinking went up, some studies say.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

NEED TO TRANSPORT PALLETS?

Get yourself a minivan.

(Thanks to John Lobert)