IDEALLY BEFORE APRIL 15

End of the world warning as scientists pinpoint exactly when Sun will explode

(Thanks to Le Petomane and James Flynn, who says "When the Cleveland Browns make the Super Bowl?")

Comments

[man tom]

We have waited 5 billion years for a flying car with 0% 72 month financing. Now we know when it comes, 'time will run out soon so better hurry.'

[not Doug Vogt]

Or, sometime close to the Ides of October in the year 2046, give-or-take a few days.

[Clankie]

Oh great... now everyone's going to go empty the shelves of sunscreen.

[Le Petomane]

man tom--The local space aliens here in Roswell warn that the scientists calculations are faulty. They claim when they ran the exploding sun program through Subspace Computer Central, it showed it could be risky for earthlings to buy green bananas. So, lamenting over not yet having a flying car is futile.

Of course, we here in Roswell, NM, know how much the aliens enjoy messing with us.

[MOTW]

Oh yay .. another crisis.

@man tom: here in the great state of Texas there are commercials galore that begin with large bold font IT'S TRUCK MONTH HERE AT fill-in-dealership-name-here, accompanied by the obligatory volume increase.
Then we realized that it's always Truck Month somewhere in Texas.

[The Squirrel Whispherer]

There is a silver lining to every cloud. At last there will be an end to Daylight Saving Time. Changing all the clocks every 6 months is doable with most electronic clocks. By rotating sundials is rough on my back.

[nursecindy]

Will this happen before or after we’re hit by a killer asteroid?

[pogo]

Will it be in the morning or afternoon? I finally got a dermatologist appointment for that morning.

[MOTW]

So it's sort of like playing The Byrds' Turn, Turn, Turn and increasing the rpm from 33 to 78 until they sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks?

[not Doug Vogt]

@ POG0: About 2AM +/- EDT

[not D. V.]

@POGO: (+/- 3 hours)

[not D. V.]

@nc: TBD on the astroid.

[man tom]

MOTW - This explains why there is always going to be a Truck Month in Texas.

The most obvious difference between tales of
apocalypse of the distant past and those that have risen
in the modern world lies in the switch from mysticism to
science. Where there were once rituals and ceremonious
magic to put a hold on the end of days, there now needs
to be an emphasis on recycling and otherwise shrinking
our carbon footprint to keep the temperature of the earth
in check. Instead of offerings in temples to win the favors
of the gods, people need to get their vaccines and shop
organically. Of course, there are the exceptions to the rule, as even the ideas of life and death are being molded
into one stinking creature and the planets are all full of
life bent on conquest. Either way, it seems that the focus
has gone from the Gods to the planet and especially the
role that humans actually play on it. Mankind will never
stop dreaming up ways that the world may end. To us,
as it is undeniable that we began somewhere, it should
be just as much so that we will end.

Works Cited

Le Petomane - The next alien who says I'm lamenting is going to express sorrow then mourning followed by a world of hurt. Put out the word.

[man tom]

MOTW - Works Cited didn't Work as I cited it.

https://hilo.hawaii.edu/campuscenter/hohonu/volumes/documents/TheEndofDays-TalesofApocalypseAcrossTimeandSpaceArielMoniz.pdf

[man tom]

Excerpt taken from Works Cited, both MOTW and especially Le Petomane take notice.

"even the ideas of life and death are being molded
into one stinking creature and the planets are all full of
life bent on conquest."

One stinking creature reference below,

Skipp, John. “The Long and Shambling Trail to the Top
of the Undead Monster Heap.” Zombies: Encounters
with the Hungry Dead. Ed. John Skipp. New York,
NY: Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers, Inc., 2009.
Print.

[Le Petomane]

MOTW and man tom--
Space aliens predictions aside, there was one book of nice and accurate prophecies written many years ago by Anges Nutter, witch. Here is an example:

"In December 1980 an apple will rise no man can eat, invest thy money in Master Jobbe's machine and good fortune will attend thy days."

One problem of being correct all the time is no one will believe you until it's too late.

[man tom]

I have spent years researching the subject and come to this conclusion.

This is the end.

[Le Petomane]

man tom--Douglas Adams made an observation on waiting for the end of the world.

"For a moment, nothing happened, then after a second or so nothing continued to happen."

BTW, the aliens said they were sorry they made you lament.

[Flathead County Frank]

Our local prognosticator who passes gas for a living (He delivers propane) claims one of his distant family who once put shoes on a horse for Nostradamus and gave him powers, claims the scientists predictions were faulty. They were off by one hour because they forgot to factor in daylight saving time which will plague us to the end of time.

[PirateBoy, It's the End of the World and We Know It]

This event will occur about an hour after a cadre of supermodels invites me to an "anything goes" weekend in Vegas. They will flying in from the east coast in about an hour and a half.

[cfjk]

For anyone interested in following up on the rogue planet/asteroid/comet/planet capture connection may I be so bold as to recommend the efforts of one Dr. James McCanney.