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December 30, 2021

CANADA: A NATION GRIPPED BY TERROR

Police look for leads in Christmas butter heist in Trenton, Ont.

(Thanks to wiredog, The Perts and pharmaross)

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Looks like a job by Slippery Sam, the butter bandit.

That mother and daughter who were hiding the butter knives in the stuffed toy are looking pretty suspicious right now. Somebody needs to tip off Burt Macklin, FBI.

Butter thefts are spreading in Canada.

Detectives churning through clues have no margarine for error.

The Burglar of Banf-f!

This is just the first in a series of butter burglaries now that the thieves have the process down pat.

The victim didn't press charges. He decided to churn the other cheek.

Someone is going to need more popcorn.

Well, if they run short of popcorn, there's always lobster.

I think they should keep their eyes out for someone who has suddenly started baking a s**t load of pound cakes. Since this happened in Canada instead of pound cakes they would be baking .45 kilogram cakes so they should look out for those too.

To quote Jay Leno, "You want SIX pound cakes?" Also, you can include vast quantities of butter in bread stuffing.

Showdown in Slippery Town

Butter Bob ran his butter business with a heavy hand
He controlled all butter business in Slippery Town
All went well for Butter Baron Bob
Until that fateful day Mad Margarine Mike Rode into town
On a fiery-eyed black horse named Red
Mad Margarine Mike declared he was going to
Be the new sheriff of Slippery Town
The townsfolk braced for the coming showdown
Then, suddenly, into town on a green electric scooter
Came Healthy Sam, the olive oil man
Tension rolled across Slippery Town
Like a building black storm
The townsfolk held their breath
There would be a ballet of death
They would meet to at high noon
This had to be decided soon
That dark and stormy night thieves struck Slippery Town
All the butter was stolen
The margarine too
Healthy Sam made it past the city limits
Before his scooter batteries ran down
Now Slippery Town is a gloomy ghost town
No butter, no margarine, no reason for folks to remain
There would be no ballet of death to entertain
The ghosts of Slippery Town

Wow! ^5 to Le Petomane and Honorable Mention to many others!

Could it be that some wealthy oligarch has started his own private art collection of sculpted butter cows, meaning all those cancelled state fair butter cow displays not held during the 'rona crisis were part of some vast conspiracy?

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