Dave Barry's Blog

WE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYBODY IN AUSTRALIA IS EVER SHOCKED BY ANYTHING

A Queensland family has been shocked to find a large carpet python curled on the rear-view mirror of their car.

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

World's first living robots can now reproduce, scientists say

(Thanks to Alan West, pharmaross, B&C and The Perts)

AN EXCITING TIME TO BE AN OLD MOUSE

Poop transplant rejuvenates brain of old mice

(Thanks to many people)

GOT A GUY ON YOUR GIFT LIST?

That guy wants this.

(Thanks to John Gregg and Gregory Snow)

Or if you want to spend a little more, this.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WITH AN OASIS TRIBUTE BAND

Dozens of customers at Britain's highest pub are set to spend a third night trapped by heavy snowfall brought by Storm Arwen.

(Thanks to MOTW and Peter Metrinko)

WE'RE A LITTLE LATE WITH THIS, BUT:

Happy Hanukkah, blog people of the Tribe!

THIS IS WHY SAFETY EXPERTS SAY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS KEEP IT IN THE MICROWAVE

Ammo stored in toaster oven ignites at assisted living site, South Carolina cops say

FLORIDA MAN WORKS OUT

An affidavit states that the sisters were using an exercise machine while the man, identified as 78-year-old Robert Edward Dvorak, was waiting for his turn. Authorities said the man then sat on one of the women to use the machine instead.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Woody the talking Christmas tree returns to N.S. mall after 15-year hiatus

(Thanks to EricY)

NOPE

Retired Men’s Nude Beach Volleyball League announced for Steam

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE HARDLY KNEW YE

Mr Goxx, the cryptocurrency-trading hamster, dies

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WHEN YOU REALLY GOTTA GO

Behold the Boeing Jet-Powered Outhouse That Runs a 31-Second Quarter-Mile

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO STOP

Woman found ‘breastfeeding cat’ onboard flight

(Thanks to pharmaross and Suzie Q Wacvet)

IF THAT THING DOESN'T PROMOTE ROAD SAFETY, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

Opinions divided after Melbourne council splashes $22k on bizarre sculpture as part of road safety grant

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WITHOUT LAWS, WE WOULD HAVE ANARCHY

They Say She Rigged a Homecoming Queen Contest. She Faces Decades Behind Bars.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DUH

All cats have ‘an element of psychopathy’, according to new study

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WHEW

McDonald’s accused of maggots in soda machine — but they’re just ‘earthworms’

(Thanks to Tom Meerschaert)

EVEN IF YOU’RE A WOMAN!

Brushing your teeth twice a day can boost your sperm count.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HAS THE INTERNET DESTROYED JOURNALISM?

Why do you ask?

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WELCOME TO HELEN, GA.!

“They can truly kick me out in the middle of the night, from a hotel for giving a review of three and five?” Leger asked the police officer. “And he says, ‘yes, ma'am. It’s within the law.’”

(Thanks to B&C)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Cat Alerts Owner to Deadly Snake Hiding in Shopping Bags

The family were setting up their tree on Wednesday when they discovered a snake had slithered among the tinsel and decorations.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Florida Mom Pulls Giant Python Out of Car Wearing Flip Flops and Apron

(Thanks to Geoff Scot, who says "So...the Python was wearing flip flops?")

(Looks to this blog as though the car was wearing the flip flops.)

YOU MEAN THEY HAVEN'T ALREADY?

The swine bomb: is 2021 the year wild hogs take over the world?

(Thanks to The Perts)

BIG DEAL. THEY CAN ALREADY DRIVE LEGALLY IN FLORIDA.

The UK Will Finally Officially Recognize Octopuses And Crabs as Sentient Beings

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THIS IS GONNA MESS UP THE SUPPLY CHAIN, DUDE

4,000 Bongs, $23K In Unreported Cash Seized At Dulles Airport

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Pigs injure golfer and force Lightcliffe Golf Club closure

(Thanks to B&C)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BLOG PEOPLE!

Don't spend the day here.

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE CRICKETS

Meat-eating vulture bees have evolved special gut bacteria to feast on flesh

(Thanks to Steve K.)

AUSTRALIA: EVEN THE COWS ARE WEIRD

Cow caught chewing on a large python in outback northern Australia

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet)

(We don't know why the headline says "caught." The cow does not appear to be hiding the fact that it's chewing on a snake.)

IS WE, AS A NATION, GETTING EVEN STUPIDER?

Are TikTok users pretending to be the Kool-Aid Man by running headlong through fences?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHRED THE BILL OF RIGHTS

Walmart pulls children's toy off its website that swears and sings in Polish about doing cocaine

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS IS WHY WE NEED DOCTORS

I’m a doctor and this is the strange place you never knew you could have a nipple

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT CHOICE DID HE HAVE?

On Tuesday, WVLT reported that a Knoxville, Tennessee man held up a Little Caesars in Cedar Bluff with an AK-47 rifle after being told his pepperoni pizza order would take ten minutes.

(Thanks to Rick Day)

SOUNDS LEGIT

Preacher claims ancient reptile imitated her husband so it could have sex with her

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS II

Pillow fighting enters combat sports arena

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AND IN SPORTS

After a four-hour drive back to West Point, they unveiled not Bill No. 37 but Bill No. 34, an arthritic, 14-year-old retiree with only one horn

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Venomous Snake Found Hiding Under Child's Bed Where Girl Was Sleeping

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JUST STOP

Dirt bike gender reveal goes horribly wrong as man almost runs over expecting mum

(Thanks to Ron T)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Drinking beer CUTS men’s risk of erectile dysfunction, study finds

(Thanks to Roberto)

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM...

A Florida Woman arrested Saturday on a felony narcotics charge told police that she sells fentanyl to make money to pay for an attorney “for a pending drug charge,” according to an arrest report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICERS?

A drunk driver was arrested last weekend after slamming into a police cruiser while it was on the scene of another crash.

You know the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

A Florida family is in trouble with their homeowners association for putting up their Christmas lights too early.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA: STATE OF ROMANCE

Couple caught having sex in FHP trooper’s car

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Kings’ fan throws up on court, forcing delay in eventual Jazz win

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

LOCOMOTIVE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Locomotive of the Week So Far.

(Thanks to Mike Leone)

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Don’t overspend on sexed semen

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

West Ham fans are the most flatulent in the Premier League with Newcastle, Brentford and Man United also full of hot air, survey reveals

(Thanks to Roberto)

KIND OF LIKE ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF LITTER, IT’S SNAKES

Video shows man throwing snakes off road

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOPE

California-made fake chicken has ‘skin’ and ‘bones’ — and Nestle is investing

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE THE NATIONAL GUARD

The video shows a very large squirrel at Iuka Park off Summit Street, three miles away from where Big Squirrel was first said to be seen at Clinton-Como Park.

(Thanks to pharmaross)