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November 01, 2021

HARSH

A man under house arrest in Italy showed up at a police barracks asking to be put behind bars because life with his wife at home was unbearable, police said Sunday.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

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When living with a woman who exasperates you, always go to the police and asked to be jailed before you are dead, expired 'and' even more exasperated.

Can't You See

If he breaks prison rules, all they have to do is threaten to send him back home. No solitary confinement for you!

To borrow from a Jack Benny skit:

Texas judge to defendant--

"you have been found guilty by a jury of your peers. I sentence you to be hanged or 10 years of house arrest with your wife."

The defendant tilts his head and looks confused.

Judge--"What will it be? I need a decision!"

Defendant--"Hey, I'm thinking it over, OK."

As many wives thinking about their choice of spouses lament nearing their 25th wedding anniversary: "If only I had murdered the SOB I'd have been out on good behavior over 15 years ago!"

There's the old Jewish joke about the woman who wants to show off to her visiting friends that she has control over her husband.

"Crawl under that table!" she orders her husband. He does so without a word.

She smiles triumphantly, then orders him "Crawl back out and stand up!"

"I won't! I won't!" he says. "I'll show you I'm still in charge here!"

The curse of the Plockmunn diamond: A young woman sitting next to an elderly lady on a trans continental flight notices the lady's humongous diamond ring. "That's the famous Plockmunn Diamond", says the elderly woman, "it is lovely but it comes with the most despicable curse!". "What can be such a terrible curse with so beautiful a ring"? The old lady answers. "PLOCKMUNN!"

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