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November 15, 2021

THESE DAYS YOU CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY

A Michigan woman pleaded guilty Friday to trying to hire someone to kill her husband last year through what turned out to be a fake murder-for-hire website called "Rent-A-Hitman," according to reports.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT YOU KNOW THE SQUIRRELS WILL COLLECT THE RANSOM

New Zealand possum holds woman ‘hostage’ at her home

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

MOST EXCITING CORRESPONDENCE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

We recently received this email:

Dear Mr. Barry,
In the 12/21/1992 edition of The Job Seeker, we placed a job available notice for ‘Curator of Farm Implements’. We received your letter of interest dated 1/22/1993 and were quite excited about your experience and qualifications. We received one other (total n=2) response but quickly rejected it (the applicant had all kinds of degrees, extracurricular work blah blah….boring), but your application…….oh boy! We are delighted to inform you that, after years of consideration, we would love to have you on our team of one (that would be you). We actually hired you in 1993 but didn’t tell you, now we owe you $500,000,000,000 but you will not be receiving it. We spent it all on your food allowance. Your first task as COFI for WANKER is to find the spot we were referring to in the announcement and get to curating the stuff. We don’t know where it is so good luck. Perhaps start by looking for rust colored dirt somewhere in the world. All of the canines and amphibians are dead, so forget about that, and the Velcro is all gummed up with detritus so forget that too.

We hope you have fun in this career you had, but didn’t know you had, we are just now using technology so some of it might be our fault. But it isn’t. Congratulations on your new position and thank you for your service in the position (upright) over the years as well.

Please refer to the attachments hereon affixed to refresh your memory regarding your employment with us.

Other positions with WANKER might ‘come up’ in a few decades, please pay attention as you might be able to move laterally in a serpentine array of………..

Peter Capainolo, D.D., Ph.D.
Marie Eckl, D.V.M.

Here is the original job notice:

Thumbnail_IMG_4895

And here is the letter we apparently sent in response to this notice. We have no memory of writing this, but it sure sounds like us:

Thumbnail_IMG_4898

Update: Mozart explanation here.

THE FORECAST:

Windy, with a chance of scorpions.

(Thanks to Rick Day, who says he saw Plague of Scorpions open for the Scorpions.)

THEY ALL HAVE THIS BLOG’S FULL SUPPORT

Philippine voters were bracing on Sunday for more drama in a presidential race that already features a "Bong" vs "Bongbong" match-up and a potential 11th-hour challenge by President Rodrigo Duterte against his own daughter for the No. 2 post.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

CSI: MADHYA PRADESH

Farmer files police complaint after buffalo refuses to be milked

…he suspected it to be under the influence of witchcraft, an official said on Sunday.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AW

A terminally-ill dad who mooned a speed camera for his bucket list has been honoured with a suspected Banksy painting.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ANYTHING TO DECLARE?

Cocaine worth $44 million found in onion rings cargo at UK border

(Thanks to Steve K., who says “Pass the ketchup, dude.”)

 
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