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October 31, 2021

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM MIAMI

Lucy -- wearing a dog costume -- is inspecting our lawn flamingo, who of course is a skeleton for Halloween.

Image3 (1)

FIRST AMENDMENT, SCHMIRST AMENDMENT

A South Florida woman says she was warned by a local police officer not to wear a Halloween costume that is designed like a condo building project that she and others oppose since it would be considered a protest for which she needs a permit.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU KNOW WHO GAVE THE ORDER

Jellyfish attack nuclear power plant. Again.

(Thanks to Ralph) 

THAT WOULD DEFINITELY INFLUENCE US

Influencers in Shanghai are posing at Costco, pretending they're in L.A.

(Thanks to The Perts)

October 30, 2021

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello,

Did you receive my previous email?

CSI: WALMART

A 52-year-old Chambersburg woman was hit in the back of the head by cold chicken when it was thrown at her, according to Pennsylvania State Police.

(Thanks to Ralph and Le Petomane)

THE BEAR BROKE IN WITH HIS FISTS?

Muskoka man, 80, fights off bear that broke into cottage with his fists, wins bravery award

(Thanks to Bonni and Craig Harden)

WE’RE GUESSING IT INVOLVES SQUIRRELS

The remarkable story of a man who found 162 bowling balls under his house

(Thanks to Doug in Sacramento)

LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HAVE A BABY?

You might want to rule out Keonjhar.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

TRICK OR TREAT, DUDE

State attorneys general issue a warning for Halloween about marijuana-type treats

(Thanks to pharmaross)

EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Educational Institution of the Week So Far.

(Thanks to Peter Romanowski)

IT WAS TALKING TO A CALLER ABOUT ITS CAR’S EXTENDED WARRANTY

Elusive sperm whale off California coast found using underwater hydrophone

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

HEY, NOBODY WAS USING IT

Two men were arrested after state officials said they were caught cutting chunks of wood from a bridge with a chainsaw in Jefferson County.  

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

October 29, 2021

'WE KEPT HEARING THE WATER SPLASH'

A professor at Hanyang University allegedly gave an online class while taking a bath, Wednesday.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY CONSTANTLY WHAP THEMSELVES WITH TINY SPIDER MAGAZINES

Some spiders also suffer from arachnophobia, study suggests

(Thanks to Bonni and Craig Harden)

WHETHER YOU WANT IT OR NOT

Apple Patent Outlines Direct Retinal Projection To Beam AR Images Onto Your Eyeballs

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THATS THE BEST PART

Woman finds chicken head in order of wings

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

October 28, 2021

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hunter’s Creek Elementary principal tried to run over neighbor, Orange County deputies say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

O SOLE MIO, DUDE

Venice sees its first ever gondolier doping scandal after prize-winning rower is stripped of his award after testing positive for marijuana

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR...

A Wyoming man told police he couldn’t have been driving drunk because his 4-year-old son was behind the wheel when they were pulled over Saturday.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FLORIDA DEMANDS A RECOUNT

The Best and Worst Drivers by State

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AS RECOMMENDED BY THE AAA

Florida man found with live grenade, clown mannequin inside truck

(Thanks to Le Petomane, pharmaross and DaninDallas)

HEALTH ADVISORY

Masturbation will leave hands pregnant in afterlife: Muslim televangelist

(Thanks to Ralph)

THAT’S ONE DEFINITION

Torpedo Factory plans could include cafe, maker-space, and ‘gloryholes’

Ruggiero also said that the glass studio would include “gloryholes” — spaces for reheating glass to soften it up.

(Thanks to Albert W. Turnbull)

BEST SHOW AND TELL EVER

Child Finds Massive Venomous Snake Hiding in School Backpack

You know the continent.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE ARE DEVASTATED

Hello davebarry Team,

Hope this email brings you a better business opportunity.

While making a thorough analysis we found your website is not fully updated as per the latest guideline from Google.

October 27, 2021

WE SAW THE ILLEGAL-VOMIT SEIZERS OPEN FOR CHER

17 Pounds of Illegal Sperm Whale Vomit Seized by Police in Sting Operation

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT CHOICE DID SHE HAVE?

A resident of a high-rise condominium in Thailand cut the support rope for two painters, apparently angry she wasn't told they would be doing work, and left them hanging above the 26th floor until a couple rescued them, police said Wednesday.

Name We Do Not Find In Any Way Amusing: Pol. Col. Pongjak Preechakarunpong

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THEY WANTED TO SPEAK TO US ABOUT OUR CAR WARRANTY

Mysterious ‘alien beacon’ was false alarm

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THIS DOES NOT SOUND GOOD

Hackers Using Squirrelwaffle Loader to Deploy Qakbot and Cobalt Strike

(Thanks to Sean T)

REPLACING WALTER MONDALE

Giant beaver wins Science Museum contest to become Minnesota’s state fossil

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THESE SHARKS TODAY

Baby white sharks can't tell difference between humans and seals: Study

(Thanks to The Perts)

DOG SHOWS IN MIAMI

They’re a little different.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

October 26, 2021

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS THIS BLOG DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi Dave,

Hope you are doing well! I just wanted to get in touch to see if you had seen my email below.

TO PROTECT AND SERVE

Police deflate inflatable penis carried by hen party in York

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'HOLD UP' HEH HEH

Benefits of Post-Op Penile Traction Therapy Hold Up Over Time

(Thanks to B'game)

THE CRITICAL LEGAL QUESTION: HARD OR SOFT SHELL?

Braiden Lankford, 20, was arrested late Saturday evening for allegedly striking her mother in the head with two thrown tacos inside the family’s residence in the Tampa Bay area.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Le Petomane)

THAT'S WEIRD, DUDE, BECAUSE WE CAN NEVER KEEP THEM LIT

Seattle police bust lucrative Lego trafficking scheme

(Thanks to Fabian Marson)

WHOLE LOTTA SHARPENIN' GOIN' ON

As part of the precautions, voters at Ota’s polling places will take the pencil they’re given to fill in their ballot home with them, so that each writing instrument will be only be used by one person. Complicating matters further, the starting date for early voting was brought forward to October 20, meaning that the specially treated, bacteria-resistant pencils needed to be ordered in a hurry to meet the deadline. And the pencils in question don’t come pre-sharpened.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT HAS THIS BLOG’S VOTE

Bat ‘winning by quite a lot’ in New Zealand’s Bird of the Year contest

(Thanks to The Perts)

THEY ALSO DO A KILLER ‘FREE BIRD’

These lemurs could win a Grammy for their rhythmic singing abilities

(Thanks to vee)

October 25, 2021

NOT A MUSIC LOVER

79-year-old father accused of shooting son for playing guitar too long

Well In That Case: He allegedly said he was only trying to shoot the guitar but hit his son in the side of his stomach.

(Thanks to Gregory Snow)

ATTENTION, CONSUMERS:

The pros and cons of using Fluffy Foam Soy Sauce

(Thanks to Ralph)

This seems like a good time to link to this, which you old-time blogsters no doubt recall fondly.

HARD PASS

Meet The New Russian Environmental Protection Mascot!

(Thanks to John Lobert)

YET ANOTHER REASON WHY YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH A CAR

Woman sues GEICO for $1 million after contracting STD during car sex

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WE SAW EMERGENCY SWEATPANTS OPEN FOR THE VOGUES

California haunted house is so scary, it keeps emergency sweatpants just for ‘accidents’

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

‘BIG MONEY IS INVOLVED’

Inside the jaw-clenching world of cricket fighting in China

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Rod Nunley)

October 24, 2021

HAPPENS ALL THE TIME

Man In Court After Using Another Man’s Penis To Impregnate 3 Women

(Thanks to Barry Nester and pharmaross)

WE KNOW WHY: THE SQUIRRELS

Buzzards that vomit when threatened and leave piles of acidic dropping have invaded a small town and nobody knows why

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THAT’S A LOT OF LEGISLATING

Members of Parliament (MPs) in Malawi are reported to use at least 10,000 condoms at the end of every month.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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