Dave Barry's Blog

THEY’RE EVERYWHERE

Here’s a YouTube video posted by this blog’s old pal Jeffrey Berkowitz, who swears this actually happened.

WE BLAME CLIMATE CHANGE

A dark gray-brown Bean goose flying upside down was snapped by an amateur photographer near the Dutch town of Arnhem.

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

CSI: COLUMBIA, S.C.

SCHP later told News19 that a truck carrying chicken had a relatively small spill on the road which someone apparently mistook for a deceased person.

(Thanks to Vernon Bowen)

THIS JUST IN

Senedd could consider Welsh dragon penis petition

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

AS RECOMMENDED IN THE OWNER’S MANUAL

A 31-year-old woman is recovering after she accidentally set herself and her car on fire this week while trying to kill bed bugs.

(Thanks to Geoff Scott and pharmaross)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Nasa to launch slime into space as part of ‘blob’ experiment

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

SO WHAT’S YOUR MAJOR?

Students Are Getting Paid to Poop at a South Korean University

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SEND IT TO WASHINGTON

Perfectly preserved 310-million-year-old fossilized brain found

(Thanks to EricY)

ALERT LEVEL: HIGHEST

French Courts Side with Rabbits Over Army

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEREBY FREEING HUMANITY FROM THIS ONEROUS BUT VITAL TASK

Robot arranges 100,000 dominoes into a Super Mario Bros. mural in one day

(Thanks to Dave N.)

WELL IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Scientists from the Faculty of Physics of the University of Warsaw have demonstrated exciton-polariton lasing and parametric scattering of exciton-polaritons in a system of coupled optical microcavities.

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan, who says “Does that mean that I can finally get my flying jetpack?”)

BUT BEES BUZZING ON BEER ARE HAPPIER

Bees buzzing on caffeine are better at their jobs, a study finds

(Thanks to Nancy Gill and Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

Big Sticks keep the Knockers at bay

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

WE'RE GUESSING IT'S THE HEADLIGHTS OF A CAR WITH A FLORIDA PLATE

IN A BIZARRE TWIST, ASTRONOMERS DETECT LIGHT COMING FROM BEHIND BLACK HOLE

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

CSI: NEATH

Live camera set up to record crime and anti-social behaviour in Neath is stolen

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE WELCOME THEM WITH OPEN, UM, ARMS

Freaky ‘Penis Snakes’ Have Finally Made It to the U.S., and of Course They Chose Florida

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA MAN: AT ONE WITH NATURE

Man ‘swiped’ by jaguar after he put his hand in exhibit at Jax Zoo

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOME OF YOU NEED TO STEP UP

Which NFL Fans Drink The Most?

(Thanks to Dave N.)

THIS SHOULD RESOLVE THE ISSUE

A Washington state man wearing a yellow dress was arrested after he stole a school bus and later drove a front-end loader construction vehicle through the home he shared with his estranged wife, authorities said.

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

AND IN SPORTS

The Headless Olympics

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

A woman whose photograph of a naked man in pursuit of a wild boar at a Berlin lakeside went viral has said she might take legal action against a company that has immortalised the spectacle for model railway enthusiasts.

(Thanks to Ralph)

‘CONSTITUENT MEETING’

Michigan lawmaker reports $221 campaign spending at strip club

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

THEY ALL PRODUCED VALID ETC.

Hundreds of monkeys clash on a road in Thailand, bring traffic to halt

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

EVEN MORE CLASSY!

‘Bring your house and share your spouse’: New swinger trailer park opening in Louisiana

(Thanks to Doug Ogg, Static Joeage and Nancy Gill)

CLASSY!

Pizza Hut debuts 'streetwear' collection with gold chain, track suit

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE, STAY INDOORS

Shocking Video Shows Man Survive Sidewalk Explosion in Queens

(Thanks to Dave N.)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

Yakima man shoots fridge after soda can explodes

(Thanks to B'game)

WE WILL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE NEWS

Butter cow sculpture returns in 2021

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

After hearing clattering sounds in the middle of the night, a woman woke up to find a 10-foot scrub python wreaking havoc in her living room.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

This is the moment a sex shop worker chases a thief out of the store with a long double-ended dildo. 

(Thanks to Roberto and pharmaross)

AS THE JOKE GOES: BETTER THAN FINDING HALF A LIZARD

A Seattle woman says she was eating a salad she bought from Evergreens when she discovered a dead lizard halfway through eating.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

German lawyers wrangle over pensioner's WW2 tank in basement

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Pogo-stick crutches.

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

The Below Zero ice cream machine uses a unique technique to freeze alcohol, which allows you to turn beers, cocktails and even spirits into delicious soft-serve ice cream.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

OMAHA: HOTBED OF TERRORISM

Council Bluffs park hit by repeat bubble vandals

(Thanks to pharmaross)

We saw them open for the Troggs.

THEN STRAIGHT TO THE ER

Woman Celebrates 50th Wedding Anniversary By Drinking 50-Year-Old Coors

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE LABOR SHORTAGE IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

2 dogs, no driver found in tractor-trailer that crashed into Braintree home, neighbor says

(Thanks to Ann Farr)

ALWAYS CONSULT THE TIDE TABLES BEFORE DRIVING AT NIGHT

Tesla's Full Self-Driving Feature Mistakes Moon For Yellow Traffic Light

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "This is probably a good thing.")

DO NOT MESS WITH MOM

Mother makes roadblock to force drivers to stop at her children's lemonade stand

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THIS WILL ACTUALLY IMPROVE THE OVERALL BQE EXPERIENCE

The BQE Is Covered In Peppers Following Major Crash

(Thanks to Ashe Scheiner)

THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO CONVICT HIM

Michelangelo's fingerprint possibly found on butt of wax statue

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

‘CHASE YOUR DREAMS’

The Flagler County Sheriff's Office said a strange vessel washed ashore on Saturday morning. It turned out to be a Central Florida man who was ‘walking on water’ for charity. 

(Thanks to Dave N.)

'DON'T MESS WITH US'

A group of Gisborne "hero nannies" sprang into action, wielding chairs, handbags and kicking over tables, to fight off two wannabe thieves who tried to rob them of $700 during their bingo night.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

HENCE THE NAME

In-flight lightning strike grounds 2 F-35B Lightning II jets

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Couple's anniversary dinner interrupted when nudist cruise pulls up beside them

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

Note that this blog is not making note of the name of the male member (Hah!) of the couple.

'I DON'T KNOW IF HE WAS PRETENDING TO BE A BADASS OR SOMETHING'

O'Riley's Uptown Tavern customer accidentally shoots himself while showing off gun

Guess the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

SOMEBODY'S GONNA LOSE HIS SMARTPHONE PRIVILEGES

14-Year-Old Forced to Do House Chores Reports His Father to Police for “Illegal Child Labor”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED

Ministers have privately pointed to evidence that Covid could be spread by people breaking wind in confined spaces such as lavatories.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

WHO SAYS NEBRASKA ISN'T EXCITING?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "There will be some sore winners.")

PROBABLY NOT WHAT THEY HAD IN MIND WHEN THEY DECIDED TO BECOME FIREFIGHTERS

Fire crews called to Huddersfield Royal Infirmary to cut metal ring off man's penis

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

California man busted in stolen porta-potty truck

(Thanks to Ralph)