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June 12, 2021

HEY, BIRD PEOPLE:

Mrs. Blog and I saw these owls in the Everglades today. Does anybody know what brand of owl they are?

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FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Naples man calls 911 about McDonald’s order & says he has cocaine ‘in his butt’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THERE’S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS, LIKE NO BUSINESS I KNOW

‘Explosive diarrhea’ halts production on NBC’s ‘Ultimate Slip ‘N Slide’ competition show

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUYS IN ACTION

Man paints massive 'Welcome to Perth' sign on roof of building next to Sydney Airport

(Thanks to Ralph)

HAVE WE CONSIDERED SIMPLY EVACUATING AUSTRALIA?

'Huge' Venomous Snake Found in Child's Toy Basket

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SO HOW WAS *YOUR* DAY?

Humpback whale gulps and spits out Cape Cod lobsterman

(Thanks to Nancy Gill, annfarr, The Perts, Al Barkafski, pharmaross and Rick Day)

BEFORE THE INTERNET, THIS WAS JUST A DREAM

Professional headlice remover shares the worst nits she's ever treated

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says “Why am I not surprised that this is from Australia?”)

June 11, 2021

REALLY? 'SHAKOPEE?'

Shakopee man used toilet tank cover in assault

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MOM OF THE WEEK SO FAR, SPORTS DIVISION

Padres fan makes incredible foul ball catch while holding baby

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

News People Waterlooville street shocked as ice block containing frozen poo crashes into the street from passing airplane

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S PROBABLY THE SQUIRRELS

Earth's core is growing 'lopsided' and scientists don't know why

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THE ONLY WAY TO SETTLE THE MATTER

A High Falls man went to jail for pulling a pistol on a coworker who allegedly peed on the toilet seat on June 1.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WILDLIFE INDEED

Wildlife manager discovers $1.2 million in cocaine washed ashore at Cape Canaveral Space Force Station

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

Miami-Dade County Mayor Daniella Levine Cava recently appointed Jane Gilbert to the unique and brand-new position of interim chief heat officer.

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

PRIORITIES

A Mandan man skipped his niece’s wedding for a Las Vegas poker tournament and came home $367,800 richer.

(Thanks to EricY)

EACH ONE CLUTCHING A TINY BUT VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Soon, it will be raining baby cicadas.

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

NICELY DONE, NH MAN

NH man allegedly crashes car after giving finger to Windsor police chief, faces DUI charge

(Thanks to Camille and Michael)

AN EXCITING TIME TO BE ALIVE

Scientists celebrate Inverte-Butt-Fest, a photographic homage to spineless backsides

(Thanks to John W., who says “Should we be worried about scientists?”)

THIS JUST IN

Chinese trampolinist Dong Dong bounces to record fourth Olympics

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU KNOW WHO WAS BEHIND THIS

Bear found stuck on power pole in southern Arizona city

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

June 10, 2021

THAT'S ONE WAY TO DESCRIBE IT

Chuck E. Cheese was the fever dream of one Bay Area tech executive

(Thanks to wiredog)

OUCH, DUDE

Lobsters doused with pot smoke to test pain during cooking

(Thanks to DaninDallas and pharmaross)

NEITHER SNOW NOR RAIN NOR... YIKES!!

Customer Finds 7-Foot Alligator Inside Florida Post Office

(Thanks to GJ Weaver)

FIRST TOILET PAPER, AND NOW THIS

New Orleans strip club offering contract bonuses due to exotic dancer shortage

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CANADA: LAND OF CIVIC ENGAGEMENT

Voting for the 2021 Canada’s Best Restroom contest is now open!

(Thanks to Roberto)

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?

Thousand-Year-Old Chicken Egg Found Preserved By Human Poo

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT WAS BETWEEN HIM AND FLORIDA

KENNEWICK, Wash. -- No one was injured after a blind man got behind the wheel of a truck, and crashed into the front of a grocery store Tuesday morning, according to police.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THAT SHOULD DO IT

‘Baywatch’ star David Hasselhoff has come to the rescue…to save Germany from COVID-19 in vaccine drive

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

JUST STOP

Exploding device at gender reveal party leads to wildfire in northern Alberta

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS WOULD PAIR WELL WITH SEVERAL GALLONS OF A NICE MERLOT

Man stuck for days inside giant fan at Bay Area vineyard

Key Quote: “After a thorough investigation, which revealed the farm equipment wasn’t antique and the man had far more methamphetamine than camera equipment, the motivation to climb into the fan shaft remains a total mystery.”

(Thanks to vee)

WELL THAT'S A RELIEF

Mystery substance staining beachgoers' feet in Maine identified as bugs

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND IN SPORTS

People Want NASA’s Mars Rover to Fight the Chinese Mars Rover

(Thanks to Dave N.)

THAT’S ALL?

Airline officials say the weight estimates used for passengers and baggage are going up between 5% and 10%.

(Thanks to Steve K., who asks “Have they been to Walmart lately?”)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Balenciaga has teamed up with Crocs to create stiletto crocs

(Thanks to John Lobert and Ralph)

SEND THIS DOG TO WASHINGTON

Dog ejected from car during Sunday crash found on sheep farm, herding sheep

(Thanks to John Lobert, who asks “What was he supposed to do?”)

June 09, 2021

YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLY BEHIND THIS

Cicadas ground White House press plane for hours before departure to Europe

(Thanks to annfarr)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

Misbehaving Goats That Were Forced To Wear Pool Noodles For Everyone’s Safety

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I think they toured with the Cowsills.")

HUMANS HAVE THAT EFFECT ON US, TOO

Cattle that spend more time around humans have smaller brains

(Thanks to Mike B)

JUST AS MEN DID IN MEDIEVAL TIMES

Man stabs another with sword during argument over TV remote, police say

Guess the state.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER RULER

A California nun will plead guilty to swindling over $800,000 from the Catholic elementary school she ran to help pay for her gambling trips, federal prosecutors said.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert, who says "Gambling “habit”?)

THERE IS DISTRACTED DRIVING...

...and then there is this.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY TURNED OUT TO BE CANTALOUPES

New York Times Publishes Then Deletes Article Claiming Watermelons Were Found on Mars

(Thanks to Roberto, Barry Nester, annfar, Le Petomane and ImNotDave)

June 08, 2021

ATTENTION, HOBBYISTS:

So you want to add a jet engine to your project.

Fun Hobby Fact: If you put your hand in the jet stream for even a moment you will get a very bad burn that will probably require you to go to the hospital.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

THEY'RE WORKING WITH THE SQUIRRELS

Amorous cicada blamed for causing car crash in Cincinnati

(Thanks to pharmaross and Jim Kenaston, who says "Ironically, Amorous Cicada once opened for The Cars.")

MEXICO TACKLES THE ISSUES

OnlyFans star promises free boob jobs if she wins election

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE REPORT

MAN FINDS HUNDREDS OF MILLIPEDES IN SHOES AFTER LEAVING THEM OUTSIDE

This is why you should never leave your millipedes outside.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

ITS FIRST ACT UPON RESUSCITATION WAS TO RENEW ITS FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Bdelloid rotifer survives 24,000 years frozen in Siberia

(Thanks to Barry Nester, EricY, Ralph and Not My Usual Alias)

HIS SHIRT SAID ‘I DON’T STOP 4 COPS’

1 in custody after wild motorcycle pursuit through San Gabriel Valley in which rider stopped for gas

(Thanks to man tom)

June 07, 2021

SO YOU THINK YOUR JOB IS STRESSFUL

Working quickly—she has less than a minute before the spider, named Harold, starts to wake up...

(Thanks to MO Mitch)

ALASKA OUTDOORSPERSONS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

US Coast Guard helicopter rescues three on giant inflatable pink flamingo

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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