Dave Barry's Blog

WE HAVE REACHED A COMFORTABLE CRUISING ALTITUDE

Pilot caught watching pornography on laptop during flight to Florida

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, who says “After all he was in the cockpit.”)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Kellogg partners with DoorDash business on cereal-dispensing robots

(Thanks to Dave N.)

THEY’RE WELCOME TO OURS

B.C. researchers request hummingbird poop to help measure planet's health

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT’S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY DISCOVER BEER

Two Bees Work Together To Open A Bottle In Jaw-Dropping Clip

(Thanks to Ralph)

AWW

Divebombing killer flies lose control and miss their target, study shows 

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE WAS ALSO CAUGHT DOING NAKED YOGA

Man in rabbit mask indecently exposes himself to fire crew helping a woman

(Thanks to John Lobert and Allen at Division, who says “But we thought Hugh Hefner was dead.”)

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good one. But remember (and tell your kids) why it's called Memorial Day.

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

A Major Study on How Sperm Move Has Been Retracted

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Australia’s ‘cannibal mouse’ epidemic about to get worse – with snake plague

(Thanks to DaninDallas and pharmaross)

THAT COULD EXPLAIN WHY THE SNAILS WERE MOVING SO FAST

After high-speed chase over border, Oregon police seize meth and ... invasive snails

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE'RE WITH THE BASS

Kayaker rescues red squirrel under attack from spawning bass in river

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

WE ASSUME THESE ARE VISIBLE EUROS

The “invisible statue” in Italy was sold for 15 thousand euros

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WISCONSIN HAS A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF 'EXCESSIVE'

Every county in Wisconsin has a high percentage of excessive drinkers

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT....

Fiat Chrysler said Friday that it is recalling more than a half-million heavy-duty Ram trucks to fix a problem that can cause the wheels to fall off.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

1. STAY OUT OF THE WATER

How to stay safe from shark attacks this summer

(Thanks to The Perts)

POINT OF ORDER

A member of Canada's Parliament apologized after he was spotted urinating during a House of Commons meeting on Zoom.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, pharmaross, Suzie Q Wacvet and Doug Ogg)

Related: Faith No More’s Mike Patton explains why he urinated on Axl Rose’s teleprompter in 1992

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

STAY CLASSY, JERSEY SHORE

Philadelphia ABC affiliate WPVI broadcast mooned by boardwalk jogger

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS SICK

An Argentinian TV news channel delivered a stunning, if slightly flawed, scoop on Thursday night when it reported that William Shakespeare, “one of the most important writers in the English language” had died five months after receiving the Covid vaccine.

(Thanks to Roberto and pharmaross)

IT ONLY HAD A COACH TICKET

Air India Delhi-Newark flight returns midway after bat found in business class

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

WHILE YOU’VE BEEN WATCHING NETFLIX RERUNS

A 2-year-old from California is the youngest American to become a member of Mensa

(Thanks to Steve K,, who says “Maybe she can fix my computer.”)

NOW YOU KNOW

I found an article that said "The microwave was invented to heat hamsters humanely in 1950s experiments." And I thought, no it wasn't. ...was it?

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THE SCHOLARSHIP IS SETTLED

How Civilization Was Built on Getting “Drunk”

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

'VAXED AND WAXED, BABY'

Are we heading towards a summer of sex?

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "Let's hope so.")

*YOU* TELL THEM TO LEAVE

Seven bears crash high school pool party in Tennessee

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOT A HOBBYIST DAD ON YOUR FATHER’S DAY GIFT LIST?

Here’s a possibility you should definitely rule out.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT DOES DAD WANT FOR FATHER'S DAY?

Probably not this.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Queensland Snake Catcher Removes Python From Children's Playhouse

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CSI: DUNDAS, WIS.

Warning for events staff after fake $100 bills passed at Testicle Festival

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

FYI

Yes, that ‘gentle rain shower’ you’re feeling might be cicada pee

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

WHO DOESN'T?

Want to roam Toronto as a raccoon?

(Thanks to Ralph)

FORTUNATELY, MAINE HAS A LOT OF WOODS

Maine faces port-a-potty shortage

(Thanks to Jay Brandes, Chuck Cody and pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR CLAPTON

A thick blanket of ‘sea snot’ is wreaking havoc on Turkey’s coast

(Thanks to GJ and Rick Day)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Virginia dad invents spittle-free way to blow out birthday candles

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "Nobel Prize alert.")

DIDN'T HUGH HEFNER PASS THAT?

Researchers believe they have identified the upper limit of human mortality: 150 years old.

(Thanks to pharmaross and Rod Nunley)

ROUTINE HOME MAINTENANCE IN AUSTRALIA

Astonishing moment a massive 10kg snake is found hiding in a Brisbane home before it chokes and bites the catcher who removed

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

SUV powered by 150,000 litres of sewage has hit the road in Australia

(Thanks to Allen at Division and Emily, Leslie and w)

NO, NOT THAT KIND OF COUGAR

Cougar breaks into Ephrata home, then tranquilized in kitchen sink

(Thanks to B’game)

SO NO NEED TO CLEAN OUT THOSE GUTTERS

Solar storms are back, threatening life as we know it on Earth

(Thanks to Susie Q Wacvet of Doom)

THE INTERNET TACKLES THE ISSUES

Disney fan claims Goofy is actually a cow not a dog and sparks heated debate

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WE'VE ALL HAD THOSE LATE-NIGHT CRAVINGS

New unstaffed store in Tokyo sells entrails 24 hours a day

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALERT LEVEL: MAXIMUM

Extreme Metal Band Ultra Vomit Perform for French President Emmanuel Macron

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS WHERE

One of the deadliest snakes in the world has been found hiding inside a rat-infested air conditioning unit.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FINALLY

Grand Canyon National Park issues wildlife safety warning: Watch out for squirrels

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

THEN WHY EVEN HAVE 911?

Georgia county asks residents to stop calling 911 about cicadas

(Thanks to Ralph)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

'The snakes will follow': Ominous sequel to NSW mouse plague

(Thanks to Ralph)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A Sioux City man is in custody and charged with arson after allegedly setting his neighbor's house on fire because they didn't mow his lawn.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

INCLUDING 'SOILED DOG PADS'

In Florida, Anything Can Be A Weapon

Related: A Florida Man yesterday struck his daughter in the face with a slice of pizza, resulting in his arrest for battery, police report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

LOVES PETS AND SMALL CHILDREN

'Very docile' alligator missing from Wisconsin zoo

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THEY TOURED WITH THE COWSILLS

Radioactive rhino horns set to add to anti-poaching arsenal

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

An American Airlines flight from Tokyo Narita to Dallas Fort Worth was placed into “Level Three Lockdown” and diverted to Seattle Tacoma Airport after a passenger assaulted a flight attendant and banged on the flight deck door because the phone charger at her seat stopped working court documents allege.

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "What choice did she have?")