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May 04, 2021

'E'S NOT TRAPPED, 'E'S RESTIN'*

Parrot Trapped On Roof Keeps Telling Fire Crew To 'F*** Off'

(Thanks to Rick Day)

*With apologies to Monty Python.

HE HAS OUR VOTE

A Photorealistic Image of George Washington If He Lived in the Present Day

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SO BASICALLY SPRING BREAK

Downtown Miami Appears To Be Destroyed In A New Movie Set In 2051

NEEDLESS TO SAY THE MEANS OF IDENTIFICATION WAS A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Mysterious, new tarantula-like spider identified in the Florida Everglades

(Thanks to vee)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Belgian farmer accidentally moves French border

(Thanks to wiredog and Mitch Miller, both of whom point out that France, obviously, is on high alert.)

WE'D ELIMINATE THE LAST THREE WORDS

Japanese firm installs vending machine selling nothing but munchable insects

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANADA: A NATION WRACKED BY TERROR

Dead weasel in toilet leaves P.E.I. homeowners baffled

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

IF THAT DOESN'T PROVIDE RELIEF, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

This town used its $228K in COVID relief funds on a giant squid statue

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

MIAMI DINING REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Miami Dining Report.

PERFECT

A House Appropriations subcommittee hearing was delayed Monday when 22 minutes of audio from the movie Galaxy Quest played while members were speaking.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT'S ALMOST MOTHER'S DAY...

A museum of oddities is being forced to sell off some unusual items due to the impact of the pandemic with a dodo bone, a unicorn skull, and even Queen Victoria's knickers on sale to the highest bidder.

There is also this.

(Thanks to Ralph)

NOTHING TO SEE HERE, DUDES

Troopers find 426 pounds of marijuana inside ATMs, safe and totes in I-80 stop

(Thanks to Steve Bradford)

 
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