Dave Barry's Blog

BEST SCHOOL TRIP EVER

An IT teacher who threatened pupils and took some to a strip club while he was drunk during a school trip has been banned from teaching for three years.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

NOW YOU KNOW WHY BEES BUZZ

American Honey Is Radioactive From Decades of Nuclear Bomb Testing

(Thanks to wiredog, who says "This explains EVERYTHING.") 

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Big blast for gender reveal in Kingston rocks homes miles away

(Thanks to Stan Ruth and The Perts)

SPOILER ALERT: NOT IN THE WOODS

You Won’t Believe Where Prehistoric Bears Took a Dump

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD THING?

The French prime minister is being mailed ladies' underwear, as lingerie stores protest lockdown rules

(Thanks to Ralph)

PROFILES IN LEADERSHIP

London mayor candidate drank his own urine… twice

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

CLASSY!

Brazen Florida couple try to tie the knot at $5.7million mansion believing it was vacant and even tell guests it's THEIRS - before being busted by IHOP heir owner and the cops on their big day

(Thanks to many people)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Cracking open the mystery of how many bubbles are in a glass of beer

(Thanks to wiredog)

THEY DIDN'T 'RESCUE' IT. THEY PREVENTED IT FROM DRIVING TO FLORIDA.

Firefighters rescue dog alone inside moving vehicle

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HAS ANYBODY SEEN GIUSEPPE?

Italian hospital employee accused of skipping work for 15 years

(Thanks to wiredog, pharmaross and Not My Usual Alias)

MEANWHILE UP IN CANADA

Docs use saw to cut DIY sex toy off junkie's penis

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Man bowls a perfect game with ball containing his father's ashes

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston and pharmaross)

TOTALLY WORTH IT

Airline Accidentally Charged This Guy $770 Million for Extra Legroom

(Thanks to Ralph)

ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT

Hangovers get easier to deal with as you get older, study claims

(Thanks to John Lobert)

FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Florida Man Seems To Get Butt Injection During Zoom Hearing

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, Asher Scheiner, pharmaross, Alkali Bill and Ranald Adams)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING ETC.

Turtle survives flying through windshield on I-95 near Daytona, hitting woman in head

(Thanks to Ralph, pharmaross and Kevin Meerschaert)

FINALLY, JUSTICE

Bad gelati could be illegal under new Italian law

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

ANOTHER SNAKE THAT, INCREDIBLY, WAS DISCOVERED OUTSIDE OF AUSTRALIA

Man bitten while using barbecue tongs to remove rattlesnake

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

This blog has personal experience with attempting to remove a snake with barbecue tongs.

GET BACK TO US WHEN IT CAN FLY

The Audi A6 e-tron concept can project video games with its headlights

(Thanks to man tom)

WE'VE HAD BOSSES LIKE THAT

Prince Harry’s new job title means ‘penis’ in Japanese

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w, John Lobert and pharmaross)

PAGING GODZILLA

Giant Amphibious Centipede Discovered Attacking Prawns in Japan

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Go-ahead for plans to stop pigeons pooing in historic Chester Water Tower

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TAKE NOTE, DUDES

NYPD officers can no longer search a vehicle due to the smell of marijuana alone

(Thanks to Steve K, who says "Leave the windows down, dude.")

WEIRDLY ENOUGH, APEX IS NOT IN AUSTRALIA

A woman stumbled upon a snake while shopping for baked beans at a Target store in Apex Monday.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Related: Melbourne roommates shocked to discover a baby python hiding in their unit

Why would anybody in Australia be shocked to discover a snake?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEN:

Do NOT -- we are serious -- click here.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner and Harlan Johnson)

AS THE SQUIRRELS FIRE UP THEIR LITTLE BARBECUE GRILLS

Ravens Keep Stealing Quality Meats From Costco Shoppers in Anchorage, Alaska

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHATEVER YOU SAY, SCIENTISTS!

Scientists in Switzerland are sending thousands of pairs of white underwear to volunteers, who will bury them in their backyards.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PLEASE CELEBRATE RESPECTFULLY

Today -- we're sure you already knew this -- is National Lima Bean Respect Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JIMBOOMBA TRAFFIC REPORT

Truck spills load of ‘entrails’ on Queensland’s Mount Lindesay Highway at Jimboomba

(Thanks to pharmaross)

We saw Load of Entrails open for Meat Loaf.

WE'RE SURE THIS WILL WORK OUT FINE.

Scientists have successfully grown embryos that contain a combination of human and monkey cells, a major breakthrough in a rapidly advancing field of genetics that researchers say could one day revolutionize our understanding of human development.

What could possibly go wrong?

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan)

HARDLY USED

Homes evacuated after hand grenade found at yard sale in South Jersey

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

EMAILS WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello,

I came across your online learning content and found it to be useful for a lot of people. My company...

SOMEWHERE A SQUIRREL IS LAUGHING

'Narco-cat' intercepted with drug delivery for Panama prison

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS EATEN BY A FRENZY OF HOOKED JAW SEA WORMS

World War II-era plane makes emergency landing in surf off of Florida beach

(Thanks to EricY, who says "The pilot was immediately handed a Florida driver's license.")

YUM!

Frenzies of predatory, hooked jaw sea worms seen along coastal waters – they can break skin

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

UNTIL THE CRISIS IS OVER, EVERYBODY ENTERING THE BUILDING WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE ISSUED A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

The Seward Department of Motor Vehicles is closed until at least June after both of its two employees resigned, Seward Police Chief Alan Nickell announced Friday.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

NOW YOU TELL US

Here’s something else you shouldn’t do if you want to avoid police attention: Don’t drive an SUV in Manhattan with a bazooka bolted to the roof.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Stoke-on-Trent neighbours plagued by 'phantom cabbage thrower'

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

BECAUSE BELCHERTOWN DOESN’T HAVE A HORSE WASH

Officials investigating after horses seen in Belchertown car wash

(Thanks to Ann)

‘BILLY’ FOR SHORT

An office worker in Indonesia has raised eyebrows after naming his newborn son 'Department Of Statistical Communication' - claiming that, amazingly, his wife didn't mind.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says “I suspect this family will be in the news again someday.”)

WHATEVER IT IS, IT HAS A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER’S LICENSE

Florida woman says she spotted a 'baby dinosaur' running through yard

(Thanks to pharmaross and John W, who says “Looks definitive to me.”)

WE’RE STILL WAITING FOR THE GORDON LIGHTFOOT BALLAD

The Erfurt Latrine Disaster

(Thanks to Roberto)

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Driver arrested after car ends up on Las Vegas Strip pedestrian bridge

We assume this bridge goes from Las Vegas to Florida.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY TOURED WITH IGGY POP

Sex-partying drywallers fired

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘LITTLE MR. TRITIUM’

Japan scraps mascot promoting Fukushima wastewater dump

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Kyrgyzstan will use a herbal tonic to treat COVID-19, its health minister said on Friday after his president praised the remedy - despite warnings from a medical expert that it contained a potentially lethal poison.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE THINGS AREN’T BAD ENOUGH

Jumping Worms in Midwest

(Thanks to Barry Nester and man tom, who says “Jumping their way to FL no doubt.”) 

SOUNDS PAINFUL

Ocean Isle Wins Appeal on Terminal Groin

(Thank to pharmaross)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER...

...for Runaway Manure Truck!

(Thanks to pharmaross)

'IT GOUDA BEEN WORSE'

Bee sting leads to cheese truck crash along Columbia Gorge

(Thanks to pharmaross)