« March 2021 | Main

April 14, 2021

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETINNNNNN

Average woman pops 4,153 pimples in her lifetime — and pandemic is making things worse!

(Thanks to ImNotDave)

AWKWARD

Twerking dancers overshadow ceremony for Royal Australian Navy’s new warship HMAS Supply

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

LET THE ARGUMENTS BEGIN

All US states ranked from best to worst, according to Americans

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Aldi shopper stunned to find live SNAKE in bag of lettuce

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MOTHER’S DAY IS ALMOST HERE

Japanese Ballpoint Pen Comes With a Live Parasitic Worm

(Thanks to Ralph)

MOVE OVER, R2-D2

Make way for the Beerbot.

(Thanks to Dave N, who says “I would name it after my ex-wife.”)

NOPE

Creepy 'Eyecam' is shaped just like a human EYE and can see, blink, look around and observe you during video calls

(Thanks to Roberto)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE NEWS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

There’s a looming shortage of tea bubbles.

(Thanks to Alkali Bill, who asks “Where will it all end?”)

April 13, 2021

YUP

America’s most stressful road is in Miami.

SO THE HORNETS CAN MOVE, BUT NOT *KNOWINGLY*

The agency seeks to impose a quarantine on all live hornets, which would outlaw the sale, distribution or knowing movement of hornets in Washington.

(Thanks to B'game, who says "This will do the trick.")

SO YOU’RE ALREADY DONE WITH THIS WEEK

Humans Only Need To Work Eight Hour Weeks, Study Finds

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE $82.56, BUT SCHWAB HAD JUST INSTALLED A SOFTWARE ‘ENHANCEMENT’

Louisiana woman refuses to return $1.2M mistakenly deposited into her account

(Thanks to pharmaross and Dave N., who says “I wouldn't have purchased a house and a car.  I would have purchased a one-way plane ticket to a country that does NOT have an extradition treaty with the U.S.”)

CANADA: A NATION IN TURMOIL

Flood-causing beavers must be 'eradicated,' says mayor of Quebec town

(Thanks to The Perts)

YOU CAN’T TRUST YOUR OWN BROTHER

A driver was pulled over at 9 p.m. March 30 and reportedly gave police a false name due to the fact that his license was suspended. However, the name he provided – that of his brother – also returned as having a suspended license.

(Thanks to Stever)

BOLO

'World's biggest rabbit' stolen from owner's garden

(Thanks to Ralph)

SIRI, SHOW ME SOMETHING SAD

Fancy Feast releases cookbook for humans inspired by new cat food line

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says “Thanks, but no.”)

EW

Maharashtra Police busts factory stuffing mattresses with used face masks

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

April 12, 2021

SOUNDS LEGIT

A representative of Dollar General, 3416 Montvale Road, Maryville, reported at 10:24 a.m. April 5 that two women tried to buy several gift cards with a counterfeit $1 million bill. One of the women said she received the $1 million bill in the mail from a church and that she was going to buy items for care packages for homeless people, an incident report states.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GUIDANCE FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

Go ahead, pee in the shower

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SERIOUSLY?

Would You Spend $899 for a Kitty Scratcher?

(Thanks to Art Kraus, who says "Pfft, my cat will scratch me for free.")

THAT'S WHERE IT WOULD HAVE ENDED UP ANYWAY

40K pounds of Bud Light beer spills onto Georgia highway

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SWELL. NOW PLEASE SHOW US TO OUR FLYING CAR.

Boston Dynamics’ robot dog Spot has been taught to pee beer on command

(Thanks to Dave Emery, who says "Presumably pees Sam Adams.")

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

NFT Pet Rocks

(Thanks to Katie Holmes)

No, this blog does not really understand what "NFT" means. We just know it's apocalyptic.

THE HEART OF DARKNESS

Scientists go inside the brains and bloodstreams of squirrels

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 11, 2021

BUT DON'T WORRY: THEY ALL HAVE VALID DRIVERS' LICENSES

Florida is full of invasive species. They’re coming for the rest of us.

(Thanks to Steve K.)

SPREAD THE WORD ON YOUR CB RADIO

It's National Eight Track Tape Day.

(Thanks to pharmaross) 

WE NEED TO SUE SOMEBODY

Tons of Invisible Asteroid and Comet Dust Falls on Us Every Year

(Thanks to Steve K., who says "I could use that to explain my weight gain, except it's not so invisible...")

April 10, 2021

GOOD TO KNOW

Scientists stuck grizzly bears on treadmills and confirmed they hate hills as much as we do

(Thanks to Ralph)

¿HAY ALGÚN PROBLEMA, OFICIAL?

An investigation has been launched after a man drove the wrong way down a highway in Spain with a dead body in the passenger seat.

(Thanks to Steve K., unkle johno and pharmaross)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

There's Now a Tiny Washing Machine to Clean Your Wax-Encrusted Earbuds

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

JUSTICE

Man fined £425 for 'provocatively farting at police officers' in Austria has fine reduced to £85 on appeal

(Thanks to Roberto)

April 09, 2021

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Snake catcher removed a giant python after a couple reported their clogged drain

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OOPS

The University of Kentucky mistakenly sent acceptance emails to 500,000 high school seniors for a program that usually accepts about three dozen students a year.

(Thanks to pahrmaross)

WE LIKE THEIR STYLE

No one in small southwest Missouri town voted on Tuesday

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ALWAYS A SOUND LEGAL STRATEGY

Kansas Senate majority leader was drunk in police chase, called an officer ‘Donut boy,’ authorities say

Bonus Legal Maneuver: “He looked me up and down stating he played state sports competitively" in high school, Shepley wrote in the affidavit, which was reported by the Topeka Capital-Journal and other local media on Thursday. “He stated he could ‘take me.’”

(Thanks to Alkali Bill and Jeff Meyerson)

LET'S PARTY, RHODE-ISLAND STYLE!

Commerce Secretary Stefan Pryor said students will be allowed to dance, but only with members of their “pod.”

(Thanks to Monique)

MANY REASONS

Why Dye Your Hair When You Can Have It Printed?

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

HELICOPTER PARENTING HAS GONE TOO FAR

According to information released by State Police in Schuylkill Haven, a Schuylkill County man allegedly threatened to have his ex-girlfriend beaten up. And he wanted his mom to do the beating.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

CLEARLY THIS PANEL HAS NEVER READ ANY SCIENCE FICTION

Studies that make brainlike structures or add human cells to animal brains are ethical, for now, panel says

(Thanks to wiredog, who asks "What if they use squirrels?")

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

....for the Wobbling Muons.

(Thanks to Alan West)

CANADA: LAND OF EXCITEMENT

Ontario boy with world's longest baby tooth wonders: 'How did it fit into my gums?'

(Thanks to The Perts)

April 08, 2021

IT'S FINE, BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Monkeys reportedly escape private collection in Cincinnati, search underway

(Thanks to Alan West and Roberto)

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE BILL OF RIGHTS?

A home inspector caught pleasuring himself with an Elmo doll has been charged with two misdemeanor counts in a Rochester Hills district court.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT COULD ETC.?

Elon Musk’s firm Neuralink has the tech to build a real ‘Jurassic Park,’ co-founder says

(Thanks to DaninDallas and John Lobert)

GUY HORSES IN ACTION

"You are doing it wrong!"

(Thanks to Roberto)

‘YES, BLOOD’

494 Ramp To Nicollet Avenue Closed Due To Tanker Leaking Blood

(Thanks to unkle johno and Rod Nunley, who says “Did somebody shoot it?”)

IT’S GETTING WORSE

People are shocked, impressed and even a little jealous of a muscular squirrel with an abnormally large scrotum after his photo went viral

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 07, 2021

YOU GOTTA (HEART) NY

Woman wearing ‘love’ shirt pummels Brooklyn laundromat worker with detergent bottle

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SHOPZILLA

Giant lizard goes on supermarket sweep

(Thanks to DaninDallas and Nancy Gill)

STEP 1. DEMAND TO SEE ITS FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

What to do if you find an alligator under your car

(Thanks to Vic Bereskin)

 
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