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February 20, 2021

IT’S TIME TO STEP UP, PEOPLE

We’re not telling you whom to vote for. Because we know you already know.

IS THE OWNER STILL IN THERE?

Florida vet team removes sneaker from 341-pound crocodile's stomach

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

TOO MANY MACHBOOS

Bahrain's seagulls too fat to fly after feasting on leftover national dish

(Thanks to Ralph)

‘…A FEW LINES BY THE FIREPLACE AT THE END OF THE DAY’

Columbia professor: I do heroin regularly for ‘work-life balance’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DEVOUT

Ohio man forgoes food for 46-day Lent 'beer diet'

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

A REAL WAKER-UPPER

Cereal flakes frosted with cocaine seized by Cincinnati CBP

(Thanks to pharmaross, Mike Leone and Gregory Snow, who asks “Why can’t Johnny blink?”)

February 19, 2021

O THE HUMANITY, DUDE

Thousands of pounds worth of cannabis strewn across road after car crash

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR CHUMBAWAMBA

Wandering wallaby pays visit to Australian hospital's emergency room

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS TURNS OUT TO BE INCURABLE

Man on hospital bed sends internet into meltdown as he turns out to be a cake

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

OOPS

A newlywed South Korean couple say they are undergoing counselling after being told that the windows in the luxurious spa of their five-star resort hotel were of one-way glass – only to discover on the final day of their stay that they had been walking around naked in full view of other guests.

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

MAYBE IT WAS SNAKE POO

Woman finds a snake in the toilet. The police realize it’s just a poo

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE BEARS WERE LEAKING GAS?

A gas leak led this Tennessee family to discover a FAMILY OF BEARS living under their house

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

EVERY GUEST GETS FREE LOTION

‘Silence of the Lambs’ Buffalo Bill house to become a bed and breakfast

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

WE WERE PROMISED FLYING CARS

Panasonic made a farting cat robot!

(Thanks to David Emery and pharmaross)

Mass Layoffs Said To Hit Terrafugia Weeks After Its Flying Car Was FAA-Approved

(Thanks to Dave N)

February 18, 2021

THE NEWS FROM ALASKA

Bear injured woman’s backside while she was using an outhouse near Haines

This has been The News From Alaska.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE SUREFIRE WAY TO ANY WOMAN'S HEART

Emirati arrested for stealing camel for gift to girlfriend

(Thanks to pharmaross and EricY)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

MINNESOTA BUSINESS SELLING SELF-CLEANING UNDERWEAR

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JERSEY GUYS IN ACTION

N.J. man set fire to his lawn to get rid of snow and ice

(Thanks to Art Kraus and Ralph)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR STING

An army of parasitic wasps has been deployed to battle moths inside a British stately home

(Thanks to Le Petomane and Ralph)

IT WILL BE HIS FRIEND FOR LIFE

An Indian man came to the rescue of a thirsty -- and potentially deadly -- cobra by pouring water from a bottle into the venomous snake's mouth.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

This standing electric scooter goes 0-50 mph in 4.8 seconds, and that’s not even its top speed

And it's only $3,499!

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WHEN YOU GOTTA GO, YOU GOTTA GO

Man blocks Bristol traffic by sitting on a toilet in the middle of the road

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says "Here's a traffic blockage of a new order.")

Imagine doing such a thing.

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TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Indonesian woman claims she was impregnated by the wind while praying

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Jim Kenaston)

JUST ANOTHER DAY DOWN UNDER

Millions of giant beetles with a VERY unusual name descend on a property - as Australia's wet summer creates perfect breeding conditions

(Thanks to Michael Moyer and Roberto)

February 17, 2021

WE DON'T NEED NO MICROWAVE

Just a Can of Ravioli Being Slowly Engulfed by Lava

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

9:14 a.m. A man accused his neighbor of trying to “run him out of the neighborhood” by knocking on his door between two and six times every night. The man further added that if the neighbor didn’t stop doing this, he would shoot him “when the weather gets better.”

Several excellent items in this report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS IS VERY INSENSITIVE TO THE FAMILIES OF THE MANNEQUIINS

The California Highway Patrol said troopers responding to a report of body parts floating in the water next to a highway ramp were relieved to discover the limbs and torsos actually were mannequin parts.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IS THERE ANY VEHICLE IN AUSTRALIA THAT DOESN’T HOUSE A SNAKE?

An Australian couple have been slammed for setting their car's window wipers onto a carpet python that slithered onto the windscreen while they were driving.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman and Ralph)

AND IN FLORIDA SPORTS

Gator nabs golfer’s ball in Estero

(Thanks to pharmaross and Ralph)

BUT IT’S AN EXCELLENT DRIVER

Florida Has a New Invasive Species. And It Is Big—and Ugly

(Thanks to Static Joeage, Rick Day and Sean T)

February 16, 2021

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Russian scientists probe prehistoric viruses dug from permafrost

(Thanks to Rodney Bertelsen and Roberto)

OF COURSE

New mosquito species found in South Florida. It’s an aggressive biter, of course.

(Thanks to wiredog, who asks "Why do people live there?" To which we answer: "Do you have access to a national weather map?")

OR, AS WE SAY IN MIAMI, TUESDAY

Miami lawyer whose pants caught fire during arson trial arrested on cocaine charge

(Thanks to Alkali Bill)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR R.E.M.

'Revenge bedtime procrastination' could be robbing you of precious sleep time

It's a good thing we have medical experts to inform us that if we stay up late, we get less sleep.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NEXT STOP: ANARCHY

French workers can now eat lunch at their desks without breaking the law

(Thanks to The Perts)

CSI: EXMOUTH, DEVON

Bird spotters who breached lockdown restrictions to catch a glimpse of a rare bird have been handed fines.

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND THEN THEY TOOK A CELEBRATORY HIT OFF THE OBSERVATORY BONG

...astronomers have confirmed that the planetoid Farfarout is now the farthest known Solar System object.

(Thanks to Dave N)

AND THEY WONDER WHY GODZILLA KEEPS ATTACKING

Japan unveils chewing gum-flavoured chips!

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

BRILLIANT

A Ukrainian man reported a fictitious murder in the hope that police would clear his snow-covered road when they came to arrest him, regional authorities said on Monday.

(Thanks to uncle johno and Bob Brogan)

February 15, 2021

WE'RE NOT SURE WE *WANT* TO SURVIVE

How To Make Reusable Toilet Paper For Survival

(Thanks to Bill Ostroot)

IS THIS COVERED BY INSURANCE?

Escaped cow charges into hospital waiting room and attacks patients

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

UNDER ORDERS FROM THE SQUIRRELS

Woman says blackbirds at truck stop were stalking her

(Thanks to Ralph)

DUDE, DON’T, EH?

Manitoba RCMP has one word for anyone thinking about smoking weed on frozen lakes: Don’t

(Thanks to EricY)

WE HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

Parasitic worms could hold key to anti-ageing, researchers suggest

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

February 14, 2021

PRETTY COOL

How we got here.

EVERYBODY’S GONE SURFIN’

Surfing with goats at the San Clemente Pier

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE

The abrupt halt in the traffic was caused by a snake trying to cross the road.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW D.B.S. OPEN FOR E.L.O.

Dead Butt Syndrome emerges during pandemic

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BOLO

WA launches investigation into 200,000 missing cows

(Thanks to Steve Bradford and Tim Couch)

 
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