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December 26, 2020

THIS IS WHY IT IS OUR POLICY, CRUEL THOUGH IT MAY SOUND, NEVER TO TRY TO HELP A CONSTIPATED ELEPHANT

Poo Explodes In Vet’s Face As He Tries To Help A Constipated Elephant

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

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No good deed goes unpunished.

Pretty sure I shared this before, but it's good for a repeat.

The final episode of the first season of the original Twilight Zone TV series was a lighthearted Richard Matheson story about a playwright (Keenan Wynn) with the ability to create anyone or anything by describing it into his dictaphone. In one scene, he explains this to his wife (Phyllis Kirk) and she then tries to leave the house, but he causes a full-size elephant to materialize in the front foyer, blocking her way.

In production, the crew tried using rear-projection and superimposing images, but none of it looked good -- the only way to shoot the scene properly was to bring an actual elephant onto the set. Producer Buck Houghton later recalled the incident: "I came around the stage corner and there was the elephant. And the elephant man was having him go on his nose and then on his back legs, and on his nose and then on his back legs, and then his nose -- I stood there wondering what this guy was beating this poor elephant to death for. Finally -- he didn’t give the next order -- the elephant shit a bale of hay. And he says, 'Now he’s good for two hours.' So I went in and I told (the episode’s director), 'You’ve got two hours to use the elephant or we’re in trouble.'"

Didn't have your CoVid faceshields on, eh?...

Everyone who has read or seen "All Creatures Great and Small" knows that veterinarians (especially rural) are heroes. Acorn has a show called "The Yorkshire Vet" where Herriot's practice still continues. One vet gets an emergency call to assist with a Caesarean birth--on a cow. They can't be given general anesthesia, so it has to be done standing under local. You see the two vets pulling the enormous calf out of the cow, who's being held by three other adults. Natural birth would certainly have killed both. It was amazing.

2020 in a nutshell.

And some people believe being a veterinarian is a glamorous profession.

We once had to call an emergency vet to a horse stable for a pregnant mare with colic, which can be deadly. She "gloved up" up to her shoulder ("always use protection!") and was soon 3 feet deep under the mare's "tail".

As she was probing, I walked over and asked her "I bet this was the onle lab in veterinary school you really must have hated."

Her response? "How did you know?"

The mare was fine after she was "hosed out", and foaled normally a few weeks later.

"Curses! Foaled again!"

I saw Constipated Elephant open for Fleetwood Mac.

Where's a fan when you need one?

I should have stopped at the headline. I did NOT need to see the video -- especially right before I was going to eat.

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