Dave Barry's Blog

THEY HAVE ALWAYS HATED HER

Sarah Jessica Parker perfume blamed for Melbourne kangaroo attack

(Thanks to Ralph)

PETA WILL BE FURIOUS

Deer hunters in action.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OUR ANNUAL HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Ho ho, ho.

SOUNDS BAD

Space Race for Moon and Mars May Cause Catastrophy

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "Including, apparently, loss of ability to spell.")

EWE KNOW WHO'S BEHIND THIS

Sheep caught roaming empty hotel after working out electric doors

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

PHILADELPHIA ECONOMIC OUTLOOK IMPROVING

An exploding ATM sent cash into the air in a parking lot on Roosevelt Boulevard Wednesday morning.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

PERHAPS HE MISTOOK IT FOR A BANANA

Florida fruit salesman arrested for pointing gun at competitor

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ATTENTION, BUCKEYE STATERS:

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Ohio has been added to the Ohio Department of Health’s COVID-19 Travel Advisory map, meaning the state is recommending Ohioans avoid traveling to Ohio, and those entering Ohio after traveling from Ohio are advised to self-quarantine in Ohio for 14 days.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT WAS IMMEDIATELY EATEN BY THE SNAKE IN THE MISTLETOE

Australian woman finds wild koala in her Christmas tree

(Thanks to Le Petomane and pharmaross)

WE'D RATHER SHOOT A ZOOM SCREEN

Scrap car company will let you shoot, destroy cars to let out 2020 rage

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SET FIRE TO THE SO-CALLED 'BILL OF RIGHTS'

Driver pulled over for using folding lawn chair as car seat

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

Driver busted for using flashlights as headlights on his car

(Thanks to Flathead County Frank and Bill Carver)

BUT YOU KNOW WHO STARTED IT

East Bay cops respond to burglary call, discover dozen raccoons brawling instead

(Thanks to Ralph and Le Petomane)

HARD PASS

Drake is selling a scented candle that smells like... Drake

(Thanks to Steve K.)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

9:03 a.m. Someone in South Carolina coerced a Marion man to share nude photos of himself.

...1:38 p.m. A woman called back to clarify that the item that hit her windshield was a metal Yeti coffee mug and not a rock because it left a mark “the perfect circle size of a tumbler.”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE NEWS FROM CERES, CA.

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you The News From Ceres, CA.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CRIME DOES NOT PAY

UK suspect trying to flee cops lands neck-deep in cow manure pit

(Thanks to DaninDallas, who says "What's that smell, guv?")