Dave Barry's Blog

VETERANS DAY

To our veterans: Thank you for your service and your sacrifice. May this be a good day for you and your families.

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Pittsburgh Police Investigating Another Portable Toilet Explosion

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THIS IS TOO EASY

Men who add nuts to diet can significantly improve sperm quality

(Thanks to Michael Parry and Allen at Division)

BECAUSE IT RAISES FRANCE'S ALERT LEVEL

Why Germans love getting naked in public

(Thanks to Michael Parry, who says "They love their sausages?")

LET'S TRANSPLANT IT INTO A HAMSTER AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS

First complete brain of a dinosaur revealed after scientists find ‘perfectly preserved’ skeleton

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, who says "And it's big enough to qualify it for membership in Congress.")

PEOPLE OF SAVANNAH:

I'll be virtually visiting your book festival tomorrow to talk about my book, War and Peace. No, wait, that's Tolstoy. I'll be talking about Lessons From Lucy. Tolstoy is doing the Festival Thursday.

OTHER THAN THAT, AN IDEAL NEIGHBOR

Perth man threw faeces, bottles of urine and Pot Noodles out of window for more than a year

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

LONGER, BUT NOT NECESSARILY HAPPIER

People who regularly eat chilli peppers live longer, research suggests

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Brawl breaks out in Tesco eggs aisle during Remembrance Sunday two-minutes silence

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS SHOULD BE A NATIONAL DAY OF REMEMBERANCE

Fifty years ago today, the whale went boom.

(Thanks to pharmaross and B'game)

SHE TOLD THE COPS 'HER CREDENTIALS WERE ELECTRONIC ONLY'

Woman demands free Chick-fil-A after claiming she is an FBI agent, gets arrested

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Philadelphia Is Now Home to a Yarn Vending Machine

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

IT WAS A SMALL GUN

Someone questioned a driver’s penis size, so he flashed a gun, Key West police say

(Thanks to phrmaross)

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!

Man on 'spiritual journey' steals deputy's cruiser, credit card

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT CHOICE DID SHE HAVE?

Woman angry about lack of breakfast at Jacksonville hotel takes truck, crashes it into pond

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WAIT, WHAT?

Cyborg cockroaches are designed to complete tasks inside your HOME

(Thanks to Ralph)

WONDERING WHAT TO GET THAT SPECIAL GUY ON YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT LIST?

Wonder no more.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

IT'S A MY PILLOW COMMERCIAL

Astronomers Tracked Down What's Causing Those Strange Space Radio Bursts

(Thanks to The Perts)

WE WANT IT TO FIGHT GODZILLA

Hokkaido city deploys 'monster wolf' robot to scare bears away from residential areas

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Belper's mass moo returns for second lockdown

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BOLO

The getaway car was easy to spot, Oregon cops say. It had a sofa on top

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SET FIRE TO THE BILL OF RIGHTS

Man banned from Yellowstone National Park two years after trying to cook chicken in hot spring

(Thanks to many many people)

WE'LL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE AWFUL NEWS

No Backstreet Boys Christmas album this year, says AJ McLean

(Thanks to The Perts)

THESE KIDS TODAY

Surprising percentage of young Americans say they've never seen a cow in person

(Thanks to John Lobert)

DO NOT MESS WITH EAST HADDAM WOMEN

East Haddam woman fights coyote off with pitchfork, aided by donkey

(Thanks to John Lobert, who asks "How many times a week are we going to see stories like this?")

GO FIGURE

Smoking bans don't work when not enforced, study finds

(Thanks to MOTW)

ATTENTION, BATHERS IN THE FLORIDA KEYS

Get out of the water.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NEEDLESS TO SAY IT'S AUSTRALIAN

Beach ball-sized jellyfish capable of damaging boats spotted in South Carolina

(Thanks to Ralph)

THEY BOUGHT APPLE AT $27 A SHARE

Bats can predict the future, researchers discover

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE WAS ADMITTED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Bear Tries to Gain Entry to Canada from U.S. In 'Forceful Attempt' at Border Crossing

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WHY WE FAVOR MANDATORY GUN-SAFETY TRAINING FOR PETS

Dog shoots Plano man in the leg

(Thanks to Dorkfish)

WE DO THAT TOO, III

Ants Slurp Their Own Butt Acid to Protect Themselves From Germs

(Thanks Unholy Slacker)

PLEASE TRY TO REMAIN CALM

This Fruitcake Is Still Good After a Century in the Antarctic!

(Thanks to Lucky Jack, who says "That depends on your definition of 'good.'")

NOW THEY'RE JUST MAKING STUFF UP

Squid-like creature that looked like a giant paperclip lived 200 years

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Angry youths burn down pastors' buildings because 7 men can't find their penises

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE DO THAT TOO, II

Wombats' deadly bums: how they use their 'skull-crushing' rumps to fight, play and flirt

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WE DO THAT, TOO

Earth Keeps Pulsating Every 26 Seconds. No One Knows Why.

(Thanks to coscolo)

SO THEY'RE GOING TO SWIM ALONGSIDE THE SHIP?

CDC Says Cruises Can Set Sail Again But Passengers Will Not Be Allowed On Board

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WE'RE GONNA NEED A STURDIER UMBRELLA

‘Gargantuan’ hail struck Libya last week. It was nearly 7 inches across.

(Thanks to wiredog)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

3:35 p.m. Spinning brodies went horribly wrong and now three ducks are dead.

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

World's biggest iceberg is on collision course with British Atlantic island South Georgia, posing grave threat to local penguins and seals

(Thanks to coscolo and Le Petomane, who says "Authorities are trying to decide which has the right-of-way.")

PROBABLY IMPORTED BY THE SQUIRRELS

Mysterious 'snake' spotted in Virginia turns out to be invasive worm

Virginia Wildlife Management and Control posted photos to Facebook that were sent in by a caller to the company's Snake Identification Hotline after the creature was spotted in Midlothian.

Virginia has a Snake Identification Hotline! We wonder if it's manned around the clock. 

(Thanks to Ralph and MOTW)

HE'S NOT STUFFED, HE'S RESTING

Czech police catch man in South Bohemia walking a stuffed dog in attempt to skirt curfew

(Thanks to Ralph)

MAYBE A LITTLE *TOO* FULL

A Florida man was mauled by a leopard after paying $150 for a 'full-contact experience'

(Thanks to John W.)

OOPS

Michigan station gets wakeup call after airing unfortunate typo

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

THEY WERE TOO SALTY

Humpback whale scoops up kayakers in Avila Beach, spits them out

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SEEMS APPROPRIATE

A 41-year-old man assaulted a detective sergeant, threatened to burn down his home and exposed his buttocks to him and his colleagues during a violent incident in Buttevant.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

GUY DADS IN ACTION

New York state dad builds 50-foot pirate ship in front yard

(Thanks to MOTW)

WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE A BILL OF RIGHTS?

Car stopped in Polk County for unsafely transporting snowmobile

(Thanks to Ralph)

ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Airport Staff Find 119 Live Tarantulas Hidden Inside A Pair Of Shoes

(Thanks to Ralph)