Dave Barry's Blog

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

A PENNILESS fisherman has stumbled on possibly the world's biggest blob of rare whale vomit - worth an astonishing £2.4million.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Wizard coming back from coven meeting crash lands on rooftop

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WELL THIS ISN'T WEIRD AT ALL

Twitter user Just Jon Nah fired up his 3D printer and gave his pet chicken these beautiful T-Rex arms.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

AGAINST ALL ODDS, CANADA MANAGES TO DESCEND EVEN FURTHER INTO ANARCHY

Watch this raccoon ‘go shopping’ at Best Buy in Toronto

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Perhaps This Will Help: Canadian Army promotes polar bear to honorary master corporal

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

GOOD FOR SENIORS TO KEEP ACTIVE

65-year-old Chinese martial artist loves to get hit in the crotch with a log

Note that this blog is not making fun of anybody's name.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BOLO

The mysterious silver monolith in the Utah desert has disappeared

(Thanks to vee and pharmaross)

TENNESSEE SOCIAL SCENE

Man goes to cemetery for date, gets shot at

Note that this blog, in accordance with our strict policy, is not making fun of anybody’s name.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

NOBODY TELL THE OREGON HIGHWAY DEPARTMENT

Bizarre dragon-like blue sea creatures wash up on South African beach

(Thanks to DaninDallas)

TOAD VENOM: IT WORKS FOR TOADS, AND IT CAN WORK FOR YOU

Mike Tyson says psychedelic drug inspired his return to boxing

(Thanks to man Tom)

NOW *THIS* IS LEADERSHIP

Mayor of Novosibirsk defends decision to shape city’s main ice rink like a penis for 2nd consecutive year

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

Kid Shoves Metal Coin Into His Nose, Forgets About It For 53 Years

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

UFO SIGHTING OF ‘ALIEN SPACESHIP’ ABOARD ISS TURNED OUT TO BE RUSSIAN URINE

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

TAKE A SEAT, RODENTS OF NYC

This Rat Covers Itself With Poison That Can Take Out an Elephant

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Earth is 2,000 light years closer to supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy than we thought

(Thanks to vee)

IT KILLED IN THE SWIMSUIT COMPETITION

Danish Mayfly named 2021 insect of the year

(Thanks to EricY and The Perts)

'I HOPE YOU ENJOY THAT TIRE BECAUSE YOU COULD HAVE GAVE THAT TURKEY TO SOMEBODY WHO REALLY NEEDED IT'

A man told FOX6 News a tire was stolen from his vehicle -- and replaced with a turkey.

(Thanks to Jane Linderman)

'I'M A NERD. I CAN'T HELP IT.'

B.C.'s 'nerd' premier gives Vulcan salute during swearing-in ceremony

(Thanks to Ralph)

AUSTRALIANS: INSANE, OR CRAZY?

Brave man allows monstrous huntsman spider to live in his house for a YEAR

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SEND THESE LAWMAKERS TO WASHINGTON

Lawmakers throw pig guts, punches on Taiwan parliament floor

(Thanks to Ralph, Chris, Alkali Bill and Jeff Meyerson)

IT WILL HENCEFORTH BE KNOWN AS M*THERF*KING

Austrian village named F–king to change name after unwanted tourist attention

(Thanks to Michael Parry, Asher Scheiner, Doug Ogg, John Lobert and pharmaross)

THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON

New York City SantaCon canceled due to COVID pandemic

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man allegedly caught on building site pretended to be statue when police officers arrived, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert, who says "This usually works.")

2020 STRIKES AGAIN

Pittsburgh pickle balloon popped when it was being installed for the holiday season

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

A FLORIDA TANK-DRIVER'S LICENSE...

...is on the way.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

SOUNDS LEGIT

Man caught with €20k worth of cannabis in Cork told gardaí he was using it to make soup

(Thanks to Ralph)

ENOUGH ALREADY, 2020

‘Zombie’ minks rise from Denmark’s mass graves after COVID-19 slaughter

(Thanks to John Lobert, Janice Gelb, Rick Day and AmoebaStampede)

DO NOT MESS WITH THEM

Woman uses ‘Fresh Meth Tonight’ cyberstalking campaign to target romantic rival, deputies say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE URANUS

Jupiter and Saturn are about to do something not seen for nearly 800 years

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

THEY'RE FIGURING IT OUT

Deer steals hunter's gun, flees into woods

(Thanks to Mary Smith, Le Petomane, Ralph and pharmaross)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, BLOG PEOPLE

It'll be better next year.

Here's a column from simpler times.

GREAT FOR BARBECUE

Chinese residents are terrified to discover their tap water can be set on fire after 'natural gas was leaked into groundwater'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

CANADA: A NATION ON THE BRINK OF ANARCHY

Giant snow penis spotted in Toronto's Riverdale Park

The spots could be an indication of disease.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AW

Good Samaritan tries to rescue 'injured baby owl'… before she realises it's actually a MUSHROOM

(Thanks to Ralph)

OTHER THAN THAT IT SHOULD BE A FESTIVE HOLIDAY

Millions of 'starving giant rats' could invade British homes this Christmas

(Thanks to Ralph)

'OK THAT'S A BEAR... THAT'S A COW... THAT'S ANOTHER COW....'

Face recognition isn't just for humans — it's learning to identify bears and cows, too

(Thanks to The Perts)

GUYS IN ACTION

Florida man tosses Thanksgiving turkey into pool to defrost

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

Florida man loses pants, boxers in wild Wawa fight

The winner will take on the guy who lost his pants fighting over a spot in the In-N-Out Burger line in Colorado.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DUH

Are we in for a turkey uprising?

(Thanks to Ann)

THEY'RE A KILLER OPENING ACT

Dog-Sized Lizards Are Spreading Across Southern United States

(Thanks to John W. and Le Petomane)

THE NEWS FROM DOWN UNDER

Is someone working at the Northern Territory (NT) government responsible for editing the Wikipedia page for Hungry Jack’s to add “Pee pee poo poo yee haw im very cock a doodle do”? Maybe, but not likely.

This has been The News From Down Under.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

VISITING MIAMI?

Stay on land.

(Thanks to John Lobert and pharmaross)

OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A VERY CLASSY AFFAIR

A bride has posted a video on TikTok of the moment her new husband "ruined our wedding" by heel-kicking her in the side of the head during a shirtless dance to the Magic Mike soundtrack

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, GO ON BACK TO SLEEP

DUI suspect thought he was dreaming and that UHP trooper was trying to race him, police say

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

7:01 p.m. A dog has been barking since June.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MORE THAN 15 MELONS IS A FELONY

Surprisingly strong Hokkaido woman arrested for poking holes in 13 expensive melons with finger

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Carpet python trashes Gold Coast family's bathroom

(Thanks to pharmaross)

NOT INSANE AT ALL

Colorado In-N-Out customer loses pants during brawl while waiting in line for newest location

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IT'S STARTING

Mysterious metal object found in Utah desert

(Thanks to Ralph, MOTW and Roberto, who says "I'm not saying it's aliens. But it is aliens.")

Here's the official report from the Utah Department of Public Safety, which states: "It is illegal to install structures or art without authorization on federally managed public lands, no matter what planet you’re from."

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, who says "Our alien overlords need to abide by Utah state policy.")

IN EACH CASE, THERE WERE NEARBY SQUIRRELS

6 Bizarre Turkey Attacks

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

TERROR STALKS THE NORTHWEST

Prolific Oregon toilet paper thief busted in Walla Walla County

(Thanks to B'game and Ralph)