Dave Barry's Blog

IN THAT CASE, MA'AM...

Enid woman arrested after leading officers on chase, claiming she had to have bowel movement and it was her birthday

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'WHAT POLE, OFFICER?'

Two men caught with stolen power pole on SUV in Jacksonville

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Update: Upon further review, it turns out that this item is from 2017. Judi has of course been fired.

'SURPRISING EVERYONE'

In a new study, an Australian-led team has for the first time confirmed what actually happens to those calcium atoms: surprising everyone, the calcium goes underneath both the upper graphene sheet and a lower 'buffer' sheet, 'floating' the graphene on a bed of calcium atoms.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

AUSTRALIA....

Even the trees will hurt you.

(Thanks to Al Barkafski, Godot51, Woozy Barnes and The Perts)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

Making a knife out of frozen human feces is not an effective way to make a knife.

(Thanks to Kevin Smith)

AT LEAST IT'S SPELLED CORRECTLY

Sign welcoming people to Dania Beach actually located in Hollywood

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FORTUNATELY THERE'S NOTHING TO COLLIDE WITH UP THERE

A Canadian man has been charged with dangerous driving for allegedly taking a nap while his self-driving Tesla car clocked up more than 90mph

(Thanks to Barry Nester, pharmaross and Rod Nunley)

AS THE JOKE GOES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO OUTRUN THE BEAR

This is a video from Glacier National Park in Montana of a group of hikers that encounter a grizzly bear, prompting them to all run in different directions screaming, which is apparently exactly what you’re NOT supposed to do, as it may “trigger a natural predator-prey attack response.”

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WAIT... THAT WORKS?

Man arrested for jumping drawbridge in southwest Detroit as it was rising

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY SHIMS

Spotted at my neighborhood Menard's store.

And happy holidays to you and the family!

Steve Roberts

IT'S AS IF WE DIDN'T EVEN *HAVE* A CONSTITUTION

Dentist who extracted tooth on hoverboard sentenced to 12 years in prison

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AUSTRALIAAAAAA

Deadly snake found wrapped around gas pump in Australia

(Thanks to Bob Brogan, who says "Maybe I will get an electric car after all.")

AND IN CORK SPORTS

“Niall Cahalane was the only player sent off and I remember Dave Barry being struck from behind with the ball about 60 yards away."

WE SAW M.P.S. OPEN FOR PHISH

Route shut after major potato spillage

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SIX OF ONE

Moment Covid conscious pensioner mistakes slushy machine for HAND SANITISER

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DAD: 'IT'S JUST A RESTAURANT'

Florida fifth-grader asked to remove Hooters-themed mask

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

The rapper was recently on set when someone handed him a semi-automatic weapon of some sort to use as a prop...

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE HOLIDAYS ARE AROUND THE CORNER

Vintage Miller Lite delivery truck with 6 pack-shaped fridge listed for sale

(Thanks to pharmaross)

FLORIDA CRIME REPORT

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Florida Crime Report.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SQUARE GROUPER, DUDE

Naples man finds 8 pounds of pot while fishing in Florida Keys

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOA

Oregon woman holds suspected arsonist at gunpoint as wildfires rage

(Thanks to Ranald Adams, who says "Do not mess with them.")

This blog hopes you West Coasters are staying safe.

ANYBODY MISSING ANYTHING?

Man finds possible brain wrapped in foil on Lake Michigan beach

(Thanks to Geoff, who says we should send it to Washington.)

BUT NOT THE ONES YOU THINK

A Florida man walking his dog was attacked by an alligator. He used 2 fingers to escape

(Thanks to Barry Nester)

RETAIL VALUE: $4.38

Chuck E. Cheese wants to destroy 7 billion prize tickets

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

HUGH HEFNER

Scientists find world's oldest sperm in Myanmar amber

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

TASTEFUL

Florida condo for sale has Budweiser cans covering walls, ceilings

(Thanks to Bob Brogan and Ralph)

YES, IT HAD A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A beaver received a police escort after it was spotted wandering a busy street in Zirndorf, Germany, on September 9.

(Thanks to Ralph)

GUYS IN ACTION

Would-be lumberjack chops tree down directly onto house

Advisory: Bad language, which is totally understandable.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

HEINOUS

Inside Florida’s alleged flying squirrel smuggling operation

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

'THERE'S A F***ING FLYING SPACESHIP!'

Dozens of People in New Jersey Stop Their Cars, Mistake Blimp For a UFO

Advisory: Bad language, although not all that bad, for New Jersey.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

THEY BOTH GET THE JOB DONE

Gunpowder Vs. Dynamite for Pumpkins, Which is Better?

You can skip to 4:28 and 7:24.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE HAS INVITED HIM TO CLAIM IT

Sheriff: Fleeing suspect abandons winning lottery ticket

(Thanks to The Perts and DaninDallas)

'DO NOT USE AS A CHOPPING BOARD'

Dunelm shopper baffled by chopping board sticker saying he can't actually use it

We're guessing lawyers were involved.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT WAS HILARIOUS UNTIL IT STRANGLED HIM

Man is spotted wearing a SNAKE instead of a face mask as he takes ride on the bus

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HOW FAST CAN CROCODILES SWIM?

Too fast.

(Thanks to Doug Shedd)

CASA DE CHALUPA

Taco Bell is now selling its own custom wine

(Thanks to Rick Day)

AS WELL AS AN AMAZON ORDER FOR 17 MILLION BANANAS

A Malaysian man says he found monkey selfies and videos on his missing phone a day after retrieving it in the jungle behind his house.

(Thanks to Steve Bradford)

MALES HAVE BRAINS?

Scientists discover gene, area in male brain that controls sexual desire

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Allen at Division, both of whom say "All of it.") (Also thanks to Mad Hatter)

THOSE WILD AND CRAZY SCIENTISTS

Realizing that the acidification step of the process appeared to work even with simple reagents such as water, the team repeated the reaction using locally brewed Würzburger Hofbräu beer. To their delight, they were able to detect the pre-ammonium product in the reaction mixture.

Some of us just drink it.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WE'RE NOT SURE THIS IS REAL, BUT IT'S FLORIDA, SO...

Man Charged With Public Nudity At The Peabody Auditorium

"Brock Barnicle?"

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

TIME TO USE THAT 'POTS AND PANS' CYCLE

Suspect defecated in dishwasher while residents slept: police

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

BETTER THAN SQUIRRELS

Huge Herd of Elk Walk Straight Through Neighborhood Street

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

2:39 p.m. A man was worried about the letters he keeps getting from China.

DEPARTMENT OF THINGS THAT ONLY GUYS DO

"From then on we've been texting farts to each other fairly frequently."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

DUH

Police: 'Why are you holding an iron out the car window? Passenger: 'To cool it down obviously'

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

KEEP US POSTED

Researchers investigate the benefits of a wet dog nose

Key Finding: Researchers have recently investigated the noses of animals and determined that it is normal for a dog’s nose to be cold and wet, but it’s also normal for a dog to have a warm and dry nose.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says "We may be running out of things to research.")

HIGH-SCHOOL-FOOTBALL PLAY OF THE MONTH SO FAR

Just the way the coach drew it up.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

'TECHNOSEXUALS'

14% Of Men Are Aroused By Amazon Alexa

(Thanks to B'game)

THIS IS TOO EASY

How to see Uranus without a telescope this week

(Thanks to B'game and Unholy Slacker)

JUST STOP

Brutal moment dad-to-be takes a direct hit in the crotch from a flare at a gender reveal party

(Thanks to John Lobert)