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September 14, 2020

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

2:39 p.m. A man was worried about the letters he keeps getting from China.

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The guy playing music so loud it shook a nearby house should be at minimum stripped naked and dragged through the city at the heels of a horse to the Elms at in Smithfield. Hanged, drawn and quartered—strangled by hanging, but released while he was still alive, emasculated, eviscerated and his bowels burned before him, beheaded, then cut into four parts. His preserved head (dipped in tar) was placed on a pike atop London Bridge."

Just shoot them all and let the grim reaper sort out the good from the bad.

The man worried about letters from China shouldn't open any. They could contain an Asian fart.

nursecindy's take on 5:03 should be interesting.

And I admit I initially misread that one as the Poison Walmart.

Did he find out Hu sent them ?

Hou sent them, Hu's on first.

12:04 and 12:58 -- Anyone shooting cats or not feeding the dog should be strung up and shot.

5:03 -- Reminds me of an episode of Emergency! where Johnny and Roy were disgusted because by regulation they had to transport the "victim" to the hospital but she was feeling so well that she scarfed down a bag of potato chips during the trip.

Is Wal-Mart now carrying IV Contrast Dye? Just asking for a friend.

I’ve got to say the relatively new Flathead Police Blotter writer - Andy Viano - has been getting into their work and cranking out the columns almost daily. There must be a lot of material in Flathead.

@man tom--It's small solace, but at least the guy playing the loud music didn't crap in your dishwasher.
However, we feel your pain. In Texas, playing extremely loud music (Waylon and Willie excepted) used to be a hanging offense.

BTW, it's been a while since we have had an update on the adventures of your neighbor,the Iranian bar girl.

Sheeba the Iranian bar girl? Ayatollah took her car away about a month ago. She approached me out in front of the house asking me to, "answer her phone for her." She was literally drooling from the triple meds. I mean drooling, frothing at the mouth. Kind of like expecting Linda Blair to pop out of the bushes and twist her head around and puke at me. So, Sheeba calls a cab most days. She obviously gets a ride to the gas station to buy cigarettes. I haven't been playing my guitar much. She bought a set of drums a few years back. If I play power cords, she chimes in banging on the drums. She sounds a lot like what Led Zepplin would sound like if the band members swapped heads and played the wrong instrument. Zepplin has never seen the drugs this woman is on. She is scary man. Hides at the bottom of my front door, rings the bell, then tries to barge in when I open the door. Then when I slam the door on her arm locking in there, she screams "Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuch, you are the best guitar player ever."

I suspect she would be a lo like he unibomber leaving a package at my front door with my name on it, Jimmy Page, if she could stay out of the mental hospital long enough to make a bomb. Well, we had an iron fence erected in front of our door a year or so ago. She'll probably throw the bomb through a window or just drive er car through the front of my house when Ayatollah gives her back the keys.

You know those Roswill space cadets you refer to often. They ain't nothin' compared to Sheeba. She's insane. I live next door to a nut house. I have always tried to keep on good terms with my neighbors. Even if I have to run away and hide with cover when I see them.

man tom--Thanks for the update. Your off-center comments are priceless.
I'll check with the Roswell space aliens and ask if they could do a pro bono abduction to help you out.

On a serious note, I worked 7 years as a mental health counselor and you can never predict what druggies will do. I spent a lot of hospital when a patient on angel dust attacked me. He had inhuman strength.

I was in the waiting room of amental hospital room many years ago. I wasn't being admitted, but there with someone checking on a person. I looked up from my seat and a woman in a night gown, kid of like what Vampira would wera, but much less attractive ran out the front door flailing her arms around. She escaped! Now long after her escape two employees went running after her and tracked her down and brought her back. She didn't birte anbody from what I could tell. There was also a guy there with a huge slash on his mark on his throat who immediately reminded me of Leatherface.

Le Petomane - my daughter has a Master's in Clinical Psychology and is a licensed mental health therapist. She doesn't mess with crazy people, although she has in the past especially during the time she was doing her apprenticeship to in order to stand for the license. My major in college for a couple of years was psychology. I met a lot of part time airline stewardess in those classes. But they were too busy following the professors around trying to get gain permanent status in the teacher's bedroom. I sympathize with you. Seven years spent with the inhabitants of a mental hospital has to be an unforgettable experience.

I used to have a Cerwin-Vega t-shirt that said, "Loud is beautiful, if it's clean." Of course at that time 90% of Cerwin-Vegas were playing disco, so there's room for debate.

The letter from China, loosely translated, says, "Did you plant those seeds we sent you?"

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