Dave Barry's Blog

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

CT man claimed DNA was planted at crime scene by aircraft

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

GUESS THE STATE

Deputies said he had an argument with another man over which type of milk was better. Whole milk or almond milk? The debate escalated into a fight. Deputies said Garcia punched the other man in the face, chased him with a pocket knife and cut him.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE INDOOR-SNAKE EPIDEMIC CONTINUES, EVEN OUTSIDE AUSTRALIA

‘Giant’ rattlesnake hiding under bed startles Arizona couple. It was also pregnant

(Thanks to coscolo)

North Carolina woman finds two-headed snake inside her home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS NEVER WORKED FOR US

The pair Ms. Goldin spotted were engaged in what’s known as “mate-holding,” a part of the copulatory process in which a male grips a female’s head in his mouth for hours or even days at a time.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

MAYBE HE WAS OUT OF WASHER FLUID

Florida man seen firing gun through own windshield while driving

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENS FAR TOO OFTEN

3-legged bear takes Diet Coke from Central Florida garage

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHERE DO WE START?

What's the matter with the Universe?

(Thanks to Steve K.)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

David Fisher, founder of Dynamic Architecture Group, designed the 80-storey skyscraper, extending 420m above ground, such that each floor can rotate 360 degrees in both directions while being held firmly to a concrete core.

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "You could drink beer at home and enjoy the same sensation.")

SO, NO PANTS?

Fashion brands design 'waist-up' clothing for video calls

Sure It Is: "Fashion is about reacting to reality," said Miuccia Prada, head designer of Prada.

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS WILL DEFINITELY MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO VISIT

American faces prison over bad Tripadvisor review of resort in Thailand

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'MAMA BEAR MODE'

Kickboxing etiquette teacher fights off ninja costume-wearing mugger in Manhattan

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FRANCE ON HIGH ALERT

Parrots removed from UK wildlife park after they started swearing at customers

(Thanks to Mad Hatter and Roberto)

FYI

It's a myth that women don't want sex as they age, study finds

(Thanks to Rod Nunley and Catherine, who describes herself as "a woman who is aging.")

Related: Sex after heart attack may boost survival

(Also thanks to Rod Nunley and Catherine)

THAT SHOULD DO IT

US cyclist rides from Poo Poo Point to Pee Pee Creek to raise cash for Yemen humanitarian crisis

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT DOES NOT BELONG IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Port Charlotte man arrested for slapping girlfriend with slice of pizza

(Thanks to pharmaross and DaninDallas, who says "At least there was no pineapple.")

NO HARM, NO FOUL

A Utah man allegedly stole a truck he said he needed to rendezvous with aliens but felt bad for stealing it and returned it to a 7 Eleven store.

(Thanks to Lea Nicholson and pharmaross)

CLEANUP IN STALL 3

Man shot 'in the buttocks' by stray bullet while in the restroom

(Thanks to pharmaross)

GO FIGURE

A schoolteacher whose body, face and tongue are covered in tattoos and who has had the whites of his eyes surgically turned black said he was prevented from teaching at a French kindergarten after a parent complained he scared their child.

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

GUYS IN ACTION

Andy Jennings has set a new Guinness World Record after topping 40mph in a wheelie bin.

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHEN. WE *DO* KNOW THAT HE SHOOTS THE URINAL AFTERWARD.

It is a question that has plagued the greatest minds of pop culture for almost two decades: when, exactly, does Jack Bauer go to the toilet?

(Thanks to Gil Sharon)

OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS VERY ROMANTIC

Man gets thrown from boat after marriage proposal fail in viral video

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NAH

How the socks and sandals combo became cool

(Thanks to John Lobert)

CANADA'S DESCENT INTO ANARCHY CONTINUES

Surrey, B.C. residents frustrated after beaver-chewed tree falls on townhouse complex again

(Thanks to John Lobert)

OVERHEAD

Delhi Cops Confiscate 160 Kg Marijuana but Only Report 1 Kg while Selling Off the Rest

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Loud bangs in trailer park turn out to be ravioli cans

(Thanks to Lance Van Auken)

THAT WILL SURELY WIN HER BACK

Man sent to prison for using drone to drop bombs near ex-girlfriend’s home

(Thanks to pharmaross)

O THE ETC.

Bodegas Vitivinos in Villamalea, Spain is having a very, very bad day after one of their wine tanks busted and dumped 50,000 liters of blood red wine on the ground.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, pharmaross and Ralph)

CLEARLY THE FIRE STATION WAS BETWEEN HIM AND FLORIDA

Naked man crashes stolen SUV into fire station

(Thanks to Tinkerbell)

AS FORETOLD IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

Face of Elvis appears in giant wave as 65mph winds hammer east coast

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, Ralph, pharmaross and John Lobert)

TO BOLDLY GO

NASA's new $23 million space toilet is ready for launch

$19 million of that was for toilet paper.

DUDE, THE HUMANITY

Largest California wildfire threatens marijuana growing area

(Thanks to pharmaross)

A FLORIDA LICENSE

...is en route via drone.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

LAWMAKERS IN ACTION

A legislator in Argentina’s lower house of congress has been forced to resign after he was seen kissing his girlfriend’s bare breasts during an online congressional debate.

(Thanks to Jim Perth, Jay Brandes and pharmaross)

Japanese politician caught watching crocodile video in parliament meeting finally explains himself

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHEREAS THE BACK LAWN IS TOTALLY LEGAL

Two drunk women, one naked, charged for fighting on front lawn

(Thanks to John Lobert)

MIRACLE MOOSE

He runs on water.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

We're guessing it's fake. But it's amusing.

TURN OFF THOSE CEILING FANS

Ring’s latest security camera is a drone that flies around inside your house

(Thanks to John Lobert, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Costco Is Already Selling An Advent Calendar Full Of Beer

(Thanks to klezmerphan)

APPARENTLY THEY DON'T READ THE WARNING LABELS

Vaping while pregnant found to have potential impact on prenatal brain development in zebrafish

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

THIS BLOG HAS STOPPED WEARING THEM

Will Working From Home Kill the Bra Forever?

(Thanks to Steve K., who notes "sagging sales figures")

GUESS THE CONTINENT

Woman finds venomous snake in her glove compartment

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Related: Snake Visits Beauty Store in Kentucky

(Thanks to The Perts)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, PLEASE DRIVE ON

Man driving stolen construction machinery in Keys tells deputies, ‘I like it’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOA

Pregnant woman jumps into water, saves husband from shark attack near Florida

(Thanks to Jeffrey Meyerson, who says -- and he is not referring to sharks -- "Do not mess with them.")

AND IN HOCKEY

Neighbor calls police on Lightning fans screaming ‘shoot’

(Thanks to Ralph)

WELL DUH

RCMP investigating man reportedly hiking nude on Summerland’s Full Frontal trail

(Thanks to Ralph)

MARTHA STEWART UPDATE

Dude.

(Thanks to wiredog)

AUTHORITIES WERE TOLD THE ROOM CONTAINED 'SENSITIVE SUPPLIES'

Three Metro-North Railroad employees were suspended after Metropolitan Transportation Authority investigators discovered they'd created a “man cave,” complete with a flat-screen television and a beer-stocked refrigerator, in a storage room beneath Grand Central Terminal.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Mike)

'AN APOLOGY WAS LATER DAUBED ON THE WALL IN BROWN PEN'

Environmental enforcement speak to Brighton diarrhoea suspect

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

At least they're assuming it was brown pen.

THEY SHOULD NOT BE IN CIVILIAN HANDS

Florida man suing McDonald's, claims he was injured by Chicken McNugget

(Thanks to John Lobert and Le Petomane)

IT WAS ON THE TONIGHT SHOW

Illinois man keeps sandwich Richard Nixon half-ate 60 years ago

(Thanks to MOTW)

AND IN SPORTS

Two men are hit with felony charges for cheating in Utah fishing contest after forensic analysis of winning fish proved it came from another lake

(Thanks to Geoff)