Dave Barry's Blog

NO DOUBT AFTER 317 MARKETING-STRATEGY MEETINGS

KFC suspends its 'finger lickin' good' slogan because of coronavirus

(Thanks to The Perts and Rod Nunley)

MEANWHILE IN FUKUI PREFECTURE

Three grannies in Japan call themselves the “Monkey Busters” and ward off crop-eating monkeys with airguns

(Thanks to Ralph)

JUST IN TIME

Humans could soon be able to grow new LIVERS inside their own bodies

(Thanks to Le Petomane, who says "I'll drink to that.")

BRILLIANT

Petition wants Tropical Storm Laura's name changed to 'Polo'

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT'S A MIRACLE

Felon Who Died in Tragic Fall Found Alive in Closet

(Thanks to John Lobert)

NOW THEY NEED A BASS PLAYER

Max Weinberg: From Bruce Springsteen’s drummer to a seat on a Florida zoning board

(Thanks to James Flynn, who says "Born to run things.")

UM...

Super Secret Safe Made From Firewood

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who asks "What could possibly go wrong?")

WE DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS REAL

...but it's funny.

Advisory: Bad words.

(Thanks to man tom)

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

Either slightly irked or outright amused by HBO comedian John Oliver’s humorous but scathing attack on his city, Danbury Mayor Mark Boughton fired back with a retort: He’s threatening to rename the local sewage treatment plant after him.

This blog can relate.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias, Tinkerbell, Asher Scheiner and Nancy Gill)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Fisherman shocked to haul in long-nosed chimaera

(Thanks to Ralph)

SOUNDS LEGIT

Russell Anderson told police he did not steal the plum tree, rose bushes and other plants as well as gardening equipment and outdoor furniture found at his Claremont home, instead the items just appeared on his property one morning soon after he was released from prison.

(Thanks to pharmaross and John Lobert)

'THE FIRST STICK IS FREE'

How a brand of chalk achieved cult status among mathematicians

(Thanks to The Perts)

THAT SHOULD DO IT

A Japanese group is trying to take people's minds off COVID-19 - by putting them in coffins surrounded by chainsaw-wielding zombies.

(Thanks to Mad Hatter and Roberto)

MULTI-TASKER OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Pittsburgh Public Schools board member forgot to shut off camera, showers during live meeting

(Thanks to Jeff from, who regrets to say he is from Pittsburgh)

LOL DUDE

Someone turned green lights in Spokane into pot leaves

(Thanks to Ralph)

FRANCE ON HIGHEST ALERT

Ireland under attack from ‘extremely aggressive’ seagulls spreading E.coli

(Thanks to Ralph)

FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS

Massive Times Square Krispy Kreme flagship with ‘glazed waterfall’ gets opening date after coronavirus delay

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OF COURSE IT IS

NASA says an asteroid is headed our way right before Election Day

(Thanks to Steve K., John Lobert and coscolo)

'WACKY' IS ONE WORD FOR HIM

Britain’s wackiest taxidermist has created a solution for loved ones who want to embrace while social distancing – a ‘high-five machine’ made out of rats legs.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

An 80-year-old cycling granny set a world record. Then she was accused of doping

(Thanks to John Gregg)

IN A DEVASTATING BLOW TO WELSH CULTURE

Porthcawl Elvis Presley festival cancelled

(Thanks to Doug Ogg)

PLEASE STOP

Expert says invasive ‘jumping’ earthworms with destructive potential appearing in Western New York

(Thanks to Ranald Adams, John Lobert, pharmaross and Stan Ruth, who says "The hell of 2020 continues.")

GUYS IN ACTION

California man uses cans of Bud Light to extinguish flames from wildfire

(Thanks to John Lobert, pharmaross and Jeff Meyerson, who says "Better than drinking it.")

SOMEBODY'S GETTING A TIMEOUT

Father reveals he is being chased by debt collectors after his son, 6, bought a £19,000 monster truck on eBay when he left his laptop logged in and the seller refused to cancel the bid

(Thanks to Roberto)

YOU KNOW WHERE THEY WERE HEADED

In ‘weird coincidence,’ 3 cars drive into water in 8 days, Arlington police say

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

INEXPLICABLY IGNORING THE CHEEZ-ITS

Bear wanders into California grocery store, leaves with bag of tortilla chips

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOUNDS EXHAUSTING

German university offering $1,900 grants 'for doing nothing'

(Thanks to Ralph)

AGAIN, GUESS THE STATE

Store Owner Has to Tell People to Stop Warming Up Pee in His Microwave

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

WE HOPE IT'S ONE OF OURS

Thursday morning, around 11:15, Nebraska State Patrol (NSP) reported finding a what looked to be a tank abandoned off I-80 near Overton.

(Thanks to Matt Filar and John Lobert, who says "Headed for Florida.")

FYI

South Carolina Appellate Court Declares Unzipped Pants Suspicious

(Thanks to John Lobert)

BALLS IN THE NEWS

Alligator steals golf ball

(Thanks to pharmaross)

Hudson Valley Bowling Alley Has Solution For Dirty Balls

Jose Alvarez Takes One Squarely in the Crotch, Finishes the Play

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHILE YOU WERE WASTING YOUR TIME ON A NORMAL JOB

A pair of Australian gold diggers revealed they discovered a pair of large gold nuggets that weighed 7.7 pounds combined, with an estimated worth of $250,000.

(Thanks to Allen at Division, who says "After which, because it's Australia, the nuggets turned on their owners and killed them.")

SIOUX FALLS: CITY OF EXCITEMENT

A stalk of corn that became a local landmark and a viral sensation when it sprouted in a sidewalk crack in a South Dakota city was rescued by a local family after being uprooted and presumed dead.

(Thanks to pharmaross and EricY)

GUESS THE STATE

A group of thieves behind the burglaries of nearly 30 homes couldn’t have been easier to find: They carried out the heists while wearing ankle devices that pinpoint their locations, police say.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JUST AS SOME OF US INSTINCTIVELY KNOW THAT SQUIRRELS ARE EVIL

Humans can instinctively tell if a snake is venomous

(Thanks to Mad Hatter)

TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL BENEFIT CONCERT

Wild boar that stole nudist's laptop could face death for being too friendly

(Thanks to vee)

THEY HAVE THIS BLOG'S SUPPORT

Women are posing topless on mountaintops for ‘empowerment’

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AS RECOMMENDED BY TOP DEFENSE ATTORNEYS

She resisted arrest and kept pulling away, screaming “names of famous actors,” deputies said.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, YOU ARE FREE TO PARTY ON

Florida man caught with $20,000 in marijuana, narcotics wanted to be 'good host' at party

Looks like he already started.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WHOEVER YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU DO...

...do NOT click here.

("Thanks" to pharmaross)

NOBEL PRIZE ALERT

Hangover Cure Successfully Tested on Drunk Subjects in Finland

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Sixteen rescuers were called out to save a St Bernard dog stranded on an English mountain

(Thanks to Roberto)

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Maine man accused of beating victim with Bible while stealing SUV

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S HEADED TOWARD FLORIDA

Watch a tiny robot powered by alcohol

(Thanks to see)

AND EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS A TINY BUT VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

750 million genetically engineered mosquitoes approved for release in Florida Keys

What could possibly etc?

(Thanks to Nelson from Michigan, The Perts, pharmaross and Richard Klinzman)

YOU KNOW WHO TAUGHT THEM HOW TO CLIMB TREES

Venomous rattle snakes spotted in TREES at wildlife parks in New Mexico and Arizona

(Thanks to vee and Ralph)

WHY DON'T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD?

Local police reported more than 7,000 cases of rojo-ne – literally sleeping on the road – last year, a phenomenon some attribute to Okinawa’s balmy weather and enthusiastic consumption of a fiery spirit that has been made on the island for hundreds of years.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SOMEBODY HAD A *LOT* OF SPARE TIME

But it was worth it.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT'S TIME TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE

Or at least write a column about it.

WE ARE NEVER GOING OUT AGAIN

Urinals may shoot 'plumes' of inhalable coronavirus particles into the air

(Thanks to pharmaross)