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August 31, 2020


America Is Facing a Monkey Shortage

(Thanks to wiredog)


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I sure hope Congress forms a committee and studies this to death before recklessly doing nothing.

Can't help it. Can't help it. The reason we have a monkey shortage is because they all have gone into right wing politics.

I could see General Buck Turgidson in Dr. Strangelove saying: "Mr. President, we can not allow this county to have a monkey gap!"

And we were so close to having an exact reproduction of a Shakespearean play.

A minkey gap?

Time to lift the embargo and get some Asian monkeys, but
aren't they becoming native to Florida?

There's a former major league pitcher in Texas who can help.



From an old web site:

There are not any monkeys. We do not have them here.
Our store quit selling monkeys in August of last year.
We held a monkey sale, but we priced them far too low.
You simply can’t imagine how fast bargain monkeys go.
We sent a local flyer, but things soon got out of hand.
Our little ad went viral, and we could not meet demand.
Before we’d even opened, I peeked out at the throng,
A wall of eager monkey shoppers seven miles long.
They pounded on the windows. They rattled our front gates.
It felt just like Black Friday, but centered ’round primates.
At eight o’clock we opened and the mob came pouring in,
And snatched up all the monkeys from our monkey clearance bin.
Some people did not get one, and then the fights broke out,
With angry shoppers screeching, and flinging poo about.
They clambered on our counters, jumped up and down in carts.
We fled to layaway to get the tranquilizer darts.
We fired them at customers, which quieted them down.
We called the cops for help and they sent every car in town.
So next time you go shopping, recall this little verse:
There are not any monkeys, but humans act much worse.

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