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There's an old country saying: You can't feed grits to a dead turkey. How true those words are today.
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I’ll start.
Posted by: Fame or fortune | July 29, 2020 at 05:00 PM
You can stuff the grits from the other end. Turkey will not object.
Posted by: Loco | July 29, 2020 at 05:04 PM
Not my pig, not my farm.
Posted by: MOTW | July 29, 2020 at 05:06 PM
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Also, beware of their gassy semen.
Posted by: Rudolph | July 29, 2020 at 05:08 PM
Old country saying:
Elvis has left the Milking Barn.
Posted by: man tom | July 29, 2020 at 05:08 PM
Q: What's the difference between a turkey and my sister-in-law?
A: A turkey can't stuff itself.
Posted by: staticjoeage | July 29, 2020 at 05:15 PM
Everything has one end only the sausage has two.
Posted by: ImNotDave | July 29, 2020 at 05:17 PM
CNN Update: The guy from Taiwan who sat on the Blue Tilapia? He was spotted near Lake Titicaca and a perceptible croaking sound was coming from beneath where He sat.
Posted by: man tom | July 29, 2020 at 05:18 PM
Another old saying, wish in one hand and sh$t in the other. You know which hand fills up faster.
Posted by: Im just saying | July 29, 2020 at 05:36 PM
Y'ain't gonna' soar like an eagle, when yawl live with a bunch'a turkeys.
Posted by: cfjk | July 29, 2020 at 05:39 PM
"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." (attributed to a famous female colmnist whose name escapes at the moment)
Posted by: cfjk | July 29, 2020 at 05:42 PM
The important question is whether the turkey's dead because demon sperm was in the last batch of grits it ate?
Posted by: Chris Knight | July 29, 2020 at 05:45 PM
line from a movie:"I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night."
Posted by: cfjk | July 29, 2020 at 05:52 PM
Today I’m pumped for laughter?
Posted by: The day will come | July 29, 2020 at 05:55 PM
Turkey fortune teller to a customer,"I see you surrounded by family...well, not YOUR family."
One stuffed turkey to another: "Is that a pop-up timer in your belly or are you just happy to see me?"
Where do you find a legless turkey? Right where you left it."
Turkey jokes on this blogsite is like asking a kid to watch your fireworks stand for you.
Posted by: Le Petomane | July 29, 2020 at 06:15 PM
Dirty politicians are like starting a 1000 piece puzzle only to find 3 edges are missing. So you know what they do? They buy the same puzzle and look for those 3 pieces!
Posted by: Broadlight Politician spoiler | July 29, 2020 at 06:23 PM
"Back in the 'Old Country' things were so bad that often they would decide to end it all by drowning in the lake, but always the line was too long and they would have to return home." a near quote to an SNL (Kate M.) character.
Posted by: cfjk | July 29, 2020 at 07:13 PM
There are two kinds of bananas, like there are two kinds of politicians. Male and female. So why is it male politicians have to open like a female banana, crack open? While female politicians open like a male banana, snap the top??
Posted by: One day will come | July 29, 2020 at 07:44 PM
Speaking of turkeys, I had one at my window about a week ago.
It was a peeping tom.
Posted by: Ralph | July 29, 2020 at 07:51 PM
I don't know why, but I always thought I'd get through life without seeing the words " grits " and " turkey " in the same sentence. >sigh<
Posted by: Clankie | July 29, 2020 at 07:59 PM
@Clankie--Here in Flathead County, we've heard the saying, "Kiss my grits" for as far back as anyone can remember. Someday we hope to figure out what grits are and why in the world anyone would want to kiss them. We have the turkey part covered.
Posted by: Flathead County Frank | July 29, 2020 at 08:08 PM
There comes a point, here comes tom to the rescue! I think that’s the point!! Never mind.
Posted by: Alpha Bet | July 29, 2020 at 08:09 PM
Corn is a versatile and popular vegetable. One of the best uses, get you a copper kettle, some copper tubing, a big sack of yeast...
Posted by: anthony stewart | July 29, 2020 at 08:21 PM
"There's an old Polish proverb which says 'If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be orphans working in the mines.'" — Thomas Banacek
Posted by: Ed. | July 29, 2020 at 08:21 PM
@cfjk - That quote is from Dorothy Parker. (She was asked to use the word "horticulture" correctly in a sentence.)
Posted by: klezmerphan | July 29, 2020 at 08:37 PM
@anthony stewart - Perhaps you are familiar with Joan Baez's lovely rendition of Copper Kettle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glMQXjy46J8
Posted by: Mad Hatter | July 29, 2020 at 08:45 PM
People objecting to demon sex don’t know what they’re missing.
Posted by: wiredog | July 29, 2020 at 09:02 PM
Dang, Klezmer! You beat me to it!
Posted by: pogo | July 29, 2020 at 09:05 PM
@pogo - My sincere apologies. (That Dorothy Parker quote is one of my favorites.)
:-)
Posted by: klezmerphan | July 29, 2020 at 09:11 PM
@Mad Hatter
No, but thanks. I first heard it from Jimmy Rogers (no, not that Jimmy Rogers).
Posted by: anthony stewart | July 29, 2020 at 09:13 PM
It’s like finding out a piece of a 1000 piece puzzle is missing. I did once.
Posted by: 999 piece puzzle | July 29, 2020 at 09:15 PM
Speaking about turkey - I would like ro invite everyone here to a Thanksgiving dinner. It will be at Dave’s place to coincide with his electoral victory. It is a surprise party, so don’t tell Dave.
Posted by: Trew | July 29, 2020 at 09:22 PM
@klezmerphan - Thanks so much for the backstory. That explains everything!
@pogo - And many thanks for that Jefferson Airplane song the other day. How on earth did I not know that? :)
Posted by: Mad Hatter | July 29, 2020 at 09:34 PM
What does @ mean? ;)
Posted by: Horrible culture | July 29, 2020 at 09:37 PM
@Horrible culture - I have no idea. I'm just blindly following the pack. :)
Posted by: Mad Hatter | July 29, 2020 at 09:40 PM
I bought an aloe vera stem awhile back and cut it up and put it in a big plastic bag and forgot about it. I found it today and it’s bleeding :(
Congrats Dave!
Posted by: Horrible culture | July 29, 2020 at 09:43 PM
@Horrible culture - gotcha!
Posted by: What’s a pack? | July 29, 2020 at 09:54 PM
This is worth sharing.
Posted by: man tom | July 29, 2020 at 10:08 PM
Roger Miller said chicken sh*t is only good for one thing, chapped lips. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps you from licking them until they heal.
Posted by: Steve K. | July 29, 2020 at 10:19 PM
Wile-E-Coyoteeee went to meet his maker. A nice truck.
Posted by: Give it a try | July 29, 2020 at 10:31 PM
My wife was born in South Carolina and having been around I know what grits are. Saw a mother turkey on the way home today with four little ones. Didn’t hit them, wouldn’t have done any good as I was not packing any grits with me to try that theory. Maybe I should pack some grits in my truck. For the turkey experiment instant grits would probably work but my wife doesn’t buy them.
Posted by: Dennis 71-72 | July 29, 2020 at 11:09 PM
We still,,,, ? Never mind :)
Posted by: Hospitality works too | July 29, 2020 at 11:47 PM
Grits can be bought, they must be like crooked politicians,
Instant as well.
Posted by: Fame or fortune | July 30, 2020 at 12:22 AM
Fame or fortune, who I suspect is someone else, no self respecting Southerner buys instant grits unless we're in a hurry in the mornings and don't have time to make the real ones. We don't put sugar on them either. A little butter, salt, and pepper is all you need.
Posted by: nursecindy | July 30, 2020 at 01:00 AM
How could I have never thought of this?
Posted by: man tom | July 30, 2020 at 01:23 AM
It's no fun getting old.
Posted by: man tom | July 30, 2020 at 01:35 AM
In all sincerity, it seems to me, that grits are really parakeet poops.
@ least that’s what I’m thinking.,, that’s how they feel about it.
Kiss my parakeets poop!
Posted by: I have two | July 30, 2020 at 01:40 AM
Chex mix.
Posted by: man tom | July 30, 2020 at 01:43 AM
Let’s see, @ least there is a seed when you crack open a cherry.
Take a bite out of crime.
Posted by: Mystery novels | July 30, 2020 at 02:01 AM
nursecindy, sounds like you are having a politician for breakfast. Are you married?
Boo-yah! ;)
Posted by: Fame or fortune | July 30, 2020 at 02:17 AM
@nursecindy - nice nod to My Cousin Vinny.
Whenever I am having a having to deal with a boo-boo-head, Vinny's line,
"I got no more use for dis guy." is what comes to my mind.
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
~ Oscar Wilde
Posted by: MOTW | July 30, 2020 at 09:54 AM
If you've had buttered corn on the cob, you've pretty much had grits, only without the " gr ".
Posted by: Clankie | July 30, 2020 at 10:27 AM
Hominy is a food made from kernels of corn that have undergone a special chemical process to make the grain more available for use in cooking and eating. The kernels are soaked in an alkali solution that removes the hull and germ of the corn, causing the grain to puff up to about twice its normal size, giving it the appearance of giant corn.
Posted by: ImNotDave | July 30, 2020 at 10:59 AM