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July 29, 2020

WEDNESDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

There's an old country saying: You can't feed grits to a dead turkey. How true those words are today.

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I’ll start.

You can stuff the grits from the other end. Turkey will not object.

Not my pig, not my farm.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Also, beware of their gassy semen.

Old country saying:

Elvis has left the Milking Barn.

Q: What's the difference between a turkey and my sister-in-law?

A: A turkey can't stuff itself.

Everything has one end only the sausage has two.

CNN Update: The guy from Taiwan who sat on the Blue Tilapia? He was spotted near Lake Titicaca and a perceptible croaking sound was coming from beneath where He sat.

Another old saying, wish in one hand and sh$t in the other. You know which hand fills up faster.

Y'ain't gonna' soar like an eagle, when yawl live with a bunch'a turkeys.

"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think." (attributed to a famous female colmnist whose name escapes at the moment)

The important question is whether the turkey's dead because demon sperm was in the last batch of grits it ate?

line from a movie:"I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night."

Today I’m pumped for laughter?

Turkey fortune teller to a customer,"I see you surrounded by family...well, not YOUR family."

One stuffed turkey to another: "Is that a pop-up timer in your belly or are you just happy to see me?"

Where do you find a legless turkey? Right where you left it."

Turkey jokes on this blogsite is like asking a kid to watch your fireworks stand for you.

Dirty politicians are like starting a 1000 piece puzzle only to find 3 edges are missing. So you know what they do? They buy the same puzzle and look for those 3 pieces!

"Back in the 'Old Country' things were so bad that often they would decide to end it all by drowning in the lake, but always the line was too long and they would have to return home." a near quote to an SNL (Kate M.) character.

There are two kinds of bananas, like there are two kinds of politicians. Male and female. So why is it male politicians have to open like a female banana, crack open? While female politicians open like a male banana, snap the top??

Speaking of turkeys, I had one at my window about a week ago.

It was a peeping tom.

I don't know why, but I always thought I'd get through life without seeing the words " grits " and " turkey " in the same sentence. >sigh<

@Clankie--Here in Flathead County, we've heard the saying, "Kiss my grits" for as far back as anyone can remember. Someday we hope to figure out what grits are and why in the world anyone would want to kiss them. We have the turkey part covered.

There comes a point, here comes tom to the rescue! I think that’s the point!! Never mind.

Corn is a versatile and popular vegetable. One of the best uses, get you a copper kettle, some copper tubing, a big sack of yeast...

"There's an old Polish proverb which says 'If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be orphans working in the mines.'" — Thomas Banacek

@cfjk - That quote is from Dorothy Parker. (She was asked to use the word "horticulture" correctly in a sentence.)

@anthony stewart - Perhaps you are familiar with Joan Baez's lovely rendition of Copper Kettle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glMQXjy46J8

People objecting to demon sex don’t know what they’re missing.

Dang, Klezmer! You beat me to it!

@pogo - My sincere apologies. (That Dorothy Parker quote is one of my favorites.)

:-)

@Mad Hatter

No, but thanks. I first heard it from Jimmy Rogers (no, not that Jimmy Rogers).

It’s like finding out a piece of a 1000 piece puzzle is missing. I did once.

Speaking about turkey - I would like ro invite everyone here to a Thanksgiving dinner. It will be at Dave’s place to coincide with his electoral victory. It is a surprise party, so don’t tell Dave.

@klezmerphan - Thanks so much for the backstory. That explains everything!

@pogo - And many thanks for that Jefferson Airplane song the other day. How on earth did I not know that? :)

What does @ mean? ;)

@Horrible culture - I have no idea. I'm just blindly following the pack. :)

I bought an aloe vera stem awhile back and cut it up and put it in a big plastic bag and forgot about it. I found it today and it’s bleeding :(

Congrats Dave!

@Horrible culture - gotcha!

This is worth sharing.

Roger Miller said chicken sh*t is only good for one thing, chapped lips. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps you from licking them until they heal.

Wile-E-Coyoteeee went to meet his maker. A nice truck.

My wife was born in South Carolina and having been around I know what grits are. Saw a mother turkey on the way home today with four little ones. Didn’t hit them, wouldn’t have done any good as I was not packing any grits with me to try that theory. Maybe I should pack some grits in my truck. For the turkey experiment instant grits would probably work but my wife doesn’t buy them.

We still,,,, ? Never mind :)

Grits can be bought, they must be like crooked politicians,
Instant as well.

Fame or fortune, who I suspect is someone else, no self respecting Southerner buys instant grits unless we're in a hurry in the mornings and don't have time to make the real ones. We don't put sugar on them either. A little butter, salt, and pepper is all you need.

How could I have never thought of this?

It's no fun getting old.

In all sincerity, it seems to me, that grits are really parakeet poops.

@ least that’s what I’m thinking.,, that’s how they feel about it.

Kiss my parakeets poop!

Chex mix.

Let’s see, @ least there is a seed when you crack open a cherry.

Take a bite out of crime.

nursecindy, sounds like you are having a politician for breakfast. Are you married?

Boo-yah! ;)

@nursecindy - nice nod to My Cousin Vinny.
Whenever I am having a having to deal with a boo-boo-head, Vinny's line,
"I got no more use for dis guy." is what comes to my mind.

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
~ Oscar Wilde

If you've had buttered corn on the cob, you've pretty much had grits, only without the " gr ".

Hominy is a food made from kernels of corn that have undergone a special chemical process to make the grain more available for use in cooking and eating. The kernels are soaked in an alkali solution that removes the hull and germ of the corn, causing the grain to puff up to about twice its normal size, giving it the appearance of giant corn.

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