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July 27, 2020

MONDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

These comments aren't going to write themselves, people.

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I've stopped following the news. Has Dave been elected president yet?

I have, Jim, and you are Attorney General. Or maybe I’m thinking Surgeon General. Definitely some kind of general. Get to work, Jim.

Is it still Monday?

I had a joke about open threads, but it was cut.

Please wait while I check on my thousand monkeys and their thousand typewriters.

Dave: I think it would be most fitting to appoint me to the role of General Pandemonium.

Have the comments fallen, and they can't get up? If they have, then indeed they may need to be writed, but Shirley, you can't expect us to do it? (Have you located that Estes fellow yet, 'cuz it sounds like he's got a lot of free time on his hands, and with your motivation, the sky's the limit.)

Do all of these posts mean that you're no longer on hiatus?

The Tigers play in just a few minutes. It is the home opener. Goooooooooo, Tigers!

Now for something completely different.

If all roads lead to Rome, why can't I drive there from Dayton?

@Theresa, I work in the Fox Theater office building across the street from Comerica Park. I am still at work as I type this and it is a really weird sight outside -- the stadium lights are on and I see action on the scoreboard video, but there is nobody around outside. Interestingly, they still have all the streets around the stadium closed off as usual even though there are no crowds.

Now that DMB is the Prez we're gonna need a lot more caviar. I propose that Dave appoints a Sturgeon General whose office has one of those famous D.C. tunnels that connects directly with the Russian Embassy, and a Champagne General who he instructs to invade the Napa Valley, declares victory, and then demands the French surrender, (just think of all the photo ops). Also, an Anesthesia General to serve as his personal physician, and a Muck-raker General for when he drains the swamp by turning Pennsyltucky Ave into a canal that runs to Wall St.

If Dave becomes President he will also nominate the General General, to rule all of other generals.

It has been some years ago, but a kid, a friend of my son's who was about 16 years old at the time, asked me point blank standing eye to eye in the doorway to my home, "can I live at your house?" "It's only until my Dad builds the house I will be living in...I don't have anywhere to live until then."

I had to think fast so I said, "my wife and I live here....you can't live here." I always liked this kid a lot, I thought he had a good personality and would eventually be successful. My wife thought differently. She said, "He is He is no good...our son's teacher had him last year and said to stay away from him." I took it my wife didn't see the good qualities I saw in the kid.

So yesterday, letting my curiosity and snoopy nature get the best of me, I came across the kids Facebook page now some 15 years later. Here is one of his more interesting recent posts.

Quote:

"Check yourself. You only have to do that because its necessary. Mr face tatts sure does cry a lot. Just like how you need to talk a lot. You expose yourself in your actions. You people just dont see that.

2020 AD youd think 20/20 youd see clearly?
Not in black white.
It took you 4000 years to stop hating someone else
Because of something they had 0 control over.
And the things you do have control over youre too PXSSY to address.

Honest truth i can only see this shxt.
Because Im looking at what youre doing
Youre busy trying to do whatever the fxck it is youre doing"

Also:

"The worst part about drug addiction is ending up religious."

And, this one I really liked, it speaks his great personality I noticed fifteen years ago:

"I'm gay now, all you hos stop msging me"


Is this a cool guy or what? But I didn't stop there. I looked up his online arrest record, as follows:

Around 2015 - beat up girlfriedn in another styate and was arrested for domestic on Xmas day. has a picture of him in cuffs being led by two cops while laughing is ass off.

2018 -driving while license suspended. This kid was afraid to get his license in the first place! He can't drive!

2018 - inflict corporal injury/inflict corporal injury on spouse/combatant remove/destroy/damage wireless communication device to prevent summoning assistance or law enforcement. This kid always broke stuff, he once infected my son's computer with over 10K viruses. In one day!

2020 - drive while license suspended.

2020 - intoxicated in public.

2020 - trespass on closed lands.

2020 - use/ under influence of controlled substance.

2020 - defrauding hotel.

2020 - trespass on closed lands - Again! This kid never listened.

So, i am in awe of Mrs. man tom's ability to read into people. She read into me and things worked out pretty well for her.

The military branches are all lead by civilians, so wouldn't that make that person a Civilian General Civilian? He could have six stars on his lapel pin.

Why can't you drive to Rome, NY? Is it the lockdown?

The Roswell, New Mexico space aliens said they would donate the services of two Gorts to Dave's campaign if they could help him win. According to them, the entire galaxy needs more of his humor.

We have Rome, Georgia. Not many roads lead there, and I don't recommend going there.

@MOTW - No, it has been Tuesday for nine hours already.

I don't want to do what the Romans do in Rome, NY.

@Theresa - It warms my heart to learn there are fans of the Hanshin Tigers all the way over there in America. :)

MONDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

@Ralph - And a rather open something else, too. :)

5* Snork@ Ralph!

Dave - I hope you do a year in review because every single day seems to blend into the next and I hope your review will somehow clarify things.

(Spoiler alert!) By the way, that is the most dilapidated-looking piece of thread I have ever seen in a lifetime of sewing. Something named Bowser or Fluffy appears to have been chewing on it. Any other sewists out there want to hazard a guess?

Dave, can I please become head of the FCC? I promise two things:

1 Robocallers shall have their home phone numbers pasted across the Internet.

2. The only SPAM shall be musubi, served fried on rice.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moLrQ24TPJs ...any Clif High fans about? ...DMB, this is why we need your "vision thing" for without it, at some point, Clif is preparing to crawl off into the woods to die.

"President Barry"... now that has a ring to it!

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