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June 02, 2020


We got nothin'.


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I got nothing, either. I should make dinner but it seems so irrelevant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HqyEHqEYho ...but you gatta have something, if youwant to be with me...

We also have a complete lack of things.

So last night things got a little out of hand. The city's hand not mine. Our office building is located on a major street near downtown. We left work early as a 6 pm curfew was in effect in the city. Around 8:45 pm I am sitting at my desk at home watching live streaming video of the business, it's back parking lot. I notice groups of five to maybe ten people begin to travel north up the back parking area. I then see groups of fifteen, then maybe fifty in the front of the building traveling north. I realize car loads of terrorists are spinning around in the back lot point up to the street lights, like they have a gun ready to shoot out the street light. I call police dispatch and they immediately recognize me, "Hi man tom, what's up?" I tell the dispatcher there are

Some of the group of 300 captured here behind my parking lot last evening on tomato cam1

THen tis is just a small part of the police 'sweep' that took place captured a bit later again on tomato cam1

We are fine. I I show you some of the video from the front of the building on the main Blvd. from Tomato Cam's 2 through 24 you would be asking, "man tom how did you survive?"

I have noticed that over the years, toilet paper has gotten narrower while my butt has gotten wider.

Here is part of the police sweep in front of my door. Those are just some of the police officers who were present. The terrorists had run in every direction by then, scattering like cockroaches when someone turned the light on in a dark kitchen. You know, those really big roaches. I was one fire bomb away from being man tom toast.

Since no theme has been suggested, how about relating your favoriite column, book or quote by the Blog? Or the first one you remember reading? Or both.

Allow me to take a swipe at clairfying this conundrum, actually the toilet paper is still the same size, it's just that all things are relative, and given quantum physics, we're all part of the solution, which, if you stop to think about it, is the problem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCV9oqtwyVA ...Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rytmTeaUtAY ..Ol'Blue Eyes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzk0n7h6I-o the inimitable Ray Charles

.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH5x1ChYhcI ..and finally, Sir Paul circa 2004

Somehow, I really don't remember just how, I got a hold of a copy of Dave's Book of Bad Songs. That was the funniest thing I had ever read in my life. Wow.

@man tom---The picture you posted of 'the police sweep' was frightening. I thought exploding toilet paper bombs had been banned under the Geneva Convention.

Seriously, stay safe my friend. Your offbeat humor is a rare find.

I love that book! I also remember how frustrated I was when Dave’s great movie wasn’t released in theaters because of the timing. When I first discovered Dave I subscribed to the Sunday paper. When he retired his column, I cancelled my subscription.

"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent." --Whittenstein

Oh yeah, and today is the 36th birthday of my marriage.... Yippee!!

I second man tom's choice. "Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs" is priceless.

(Happy Anniversary, Rosemary! That's a great achievement.)

I used to teach, er "teach" one of Dave's essays in a writing class. I forget the exact title, because oldness, but one joke was a winner every time. To protect the Southern border, just get a small batch of the elderly to push some grocery carts around; no one is getting around them. This played well, seriously it did, in one specific community college that was easily 90% Latin students. I don't think they faked amusement because I was a career adjunct instructor with considerably less power than any random member of the janitorial crew, less usefulness as well.

Congratulations Rosemary Scott on 36 years! Considering you are still young, 49, that is really amazing.

Rosemary Scott -

"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent."

A good quote from Ludwig, along the more caustic lines of "If you have nothing to say, please don't say it."

American philosopher Richard Rorty said something in a similar vein, along the lines of if we have been debating these deep philosophical questions for a couple of millenium and made no progress, then I don't care. As an engineer (of the chemical persuasion), I find Rorty's pragmatism refreshing. Let's stop the navel gazing, and find something that works.

As Jayne said on Firefly (AKA the greatest single season TV show of all time):

Jayne: Ten percent of nothin' is, let me do the math here, nothin' into nothin', carry the nothin'...

Mal: Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that.

...And nothing's plenty for me.

What do I win?

Happy Anniversary, Rosemary.

Lucky we haven't had much in the line of protestors where I am at and glad of that. Such a shame during a pandemic that some need to protest and some a different group find the need to loot and destroy. Some communities and states have had a lot of damages to businesses. My niece in Chicago said that their neighborhood was hurt badly with broken glass and busted doors. The nice Macy's store was destroyed inside and out. Cleanup has begun right away. Glad of that at least. Their Target was closed due to looting.

Pirate Boy, here here for Firefly!
Serenity was pretty good too.

There once was a looter, who loitered a lot, then looted the loot from the looted lot, a lot. Said the looted (to loitering looters, lots of them, in the lot), "Is it harder to loot, or to loiter then loot, all the loot from the looted lot, or to loot from the looters that loiter, then get shot?

Holy testicle Tuesday! (Mal Reynolds)

PirateBoy and Zaphod - I agree about Firefly. Could have used more seasons, although (Spoiler Alert) Wash was killed off in Serenity. Would have also liked more seasons of Dark Matter.
It's hard to pick a favorite piece by the Blog, but I think that the one which made me laugh the hardest was about a taste test by family members, including the dogs, of some alleged food items. When I read that one of the items was "clearly being sold as a prank", it's a good thing that I myself was not eating anything at the time because it would have been spit out from laughing. (You can find this article, called This Takes Guts, by Googling the words in quotes. I hope that's not a copyright issue.)
The first piece by the Blog which I remember reading was probably a column which later appeared in Reader's Digest. It was about dealing with car salesmen, and how they urged the Blog to put his oars in the water and work together to arrive at a deal. I was really struck by the Blog's way of humorously describing something which, for me, has always been an unpleasant experience.

@PirateBoy---Yes, Firefly was a pretty good flick. I had so much lockdown time here in Geezer Acres lately that I downloaded a free turkey Sci-Fi movie that was recommended by a guy I know because a friend of his had the role of playing Hitler's head because he spoke German.


Since we're talking about anything: I've often wondered what criteria the Blog uses when selecting or rejecting links that people send in. Please enlighten us!

Wow, y'all are so nice! I'm going to have to visit more often. But it's slightly intimidating. There are actual cerebrals in here; whereas I just pretend to be witty.
Ps. BUT like I tell my students, Faking Skills are important so just fake it 'till you make it. 😇,
I too,loved the Bad Songs but took issue with MacArthur Park ranking so horribly because as a 13 year-old, it was the most romantic song in the world... where a man would bake a cake and cry over the sweet, green icing flowing down in the rain....oh, the agony and the ecstacy, ha, ha!

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