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May 21, 2020

THURSDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Q. What has 23 legs and green fur and plays the accordion?

A. We have no idea, but maybe the theme tonight could be riddles. 

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A belated Happy Birthday shout-out to George Strait. I don't want to say He's getting up there but He is apparently working on a new hit titled, All My Exes Live in Caskets

I believe the standard answer should be: I don't know either, but there's one crawling up your leg. Other possible
answers:(1) Does it really play the 'cordine or is that a euphamism for a little sump'n else? (2) A nine memeber Celtic squeezbox marching band, plus a guy (on a float) playing a three-legged pieyanner. (3) What the world starts to look like after you've been drinking green beer somewhere near the end of the St. Paddy's Day parade. I hope that's enough for now.

The answer to Dave's question is obvious. It is a 12 man Alaskan marching Leprechaun, shillelagh twirling band being led by an accordion player with a wooden leg.

On a different note.

I just checked my schedule for the next week.

Tonight: Take out recyclable garbage.
Wednesday: Take out regular garbage.

Going to be an exciting week.

Interesting Snowman. I did recyclables last night and tonight I do regular garbage. We do regular garbage twice a week so my schedule is pretty full.

we do both on the same night! highpoint of my week!

Riddle:

An accordion, a vuvuzela and Paul Anka walk into a bar. Who leaves first?

Answer: Everyone else inside the bar.

old bar jokes: Descartes walks into a bar and when the bar-keep asks him if he'd like a martini he respnods, "I don't think so..." and disappears. There was one on the blog just the other day (I think) but I can't remember. The ever popular: A horse walks into a bar and the bk says "Why the long face?" RIMSHOT!

What's the first thing you know?

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The barkeep looks up and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I don't think I am." POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

During a lecture the Oxford linguistic philosopher J. L. Austin made the claim that although a double negative in English implies a positive meaning, there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative. Philosopher Sidney Morgenbesser replied ...

I’m reading a book in Braille and something terrible is going to happen.
I can feel it.

Q. What has 23 legs and green fur and plays the accordion?

A. Eleven and a half Rockettes doing the Beer Barrel Polka during a Christmas show.

How about this: post the answer/punchline and we'll guess the rest.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.

How many CIA agents does it take to change a lightbulb? I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything!

Grab and throw with your mouse. Post your score and also, include your measurements.

Accordion to biology, the answer to the Blog's riddle is: No animal on Earth.

Sunflower Sea Stars may have up to 24 limbs, but they are arms, not legs, and although their bodies are "velvet -textured," they are not green and not true fur. Millipedes and Centipedes may be green, but they are not furry. I can't find any record of any invertebrate playing an accordion.

Whatever it is, stay six feet away.

Yeah, yeah. Steve K.

I feel somehow inadequate in that we never found the time to address the "elephant" or "Mommy!, Mommy!" genres. So to try to correct that ommission I offer these: (1)What do you do when you pass an elephant?, why flush it, of course.(2) Mommy, Mommy why do I keep walking in circles? Shut-up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor. ...Somehow, I feel better now, but should I? I really don't think so... (POOF!)

Q: What part of your body smells?

A: Your nose.

Run with your feet, smell with your nose, unless after multiple weeks of quarantine, just like everything else in my world I've got that bass-ackwards.

My wife and I went to a socially distancing restaurant with outdoor seating (of course). I ordered the calamari. She got the shrimp.

She said, "You can have a shrimp if I can taste yours."

I replied, "I'm sorry, but that is a squid pro quo."

Here's a computer one: "How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb ?"

Ans: "None. Its a hardware problem."

@cfjk

"But, Mommy, I don't want ground chuck for dinner."
"Shut up and put your brother back in the grinder"

Some days, I look back at my childhood in horror.
Other days, I try hard to pass on the traditions to my daughters.

For your own safety, you don't want to know the punch line to this one.

" My dog has no nose. "

@markhh--Apparently, you also had an interesting family to grow up in.

...also: "I've never seen a three-legged pet pig before!"

What's the first thing you know?

The first thing you know, Ol' Jed's a millionaire ...

Jane Linderman - Yes, a favorite quote for me ...

@cfjk--You never eat a good pet pig all at one time.

...as in "that pig saved my life once!"

Mr. Gumbril made an impatient gesture. “You’re talking nonsense,” he said. “The only point of the kind of education you had is this, it gives a young man leisure to find out what he’s interested in. You apparently weren’t sufficiently interested in anything—“
“I am interested in everything” interrupted Gumbril Junior.
“Which comes to the same thing”, his father said parenthetically, “as being interested in nothing.”

And that’s why you should not allow your children to become English Lit majors.

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