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May 18, 2020

THERE ARE SLOW NEWS DAYS

And then there's this.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

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Isn't it amazing what amuses us post-coronavirus?

I drive to the office once a week on Saturdays to water the office houseplants so that, whenever we do return, my co-workers will not return to flat dead plants. And at the third week, I cleaned out the refrigerator.

This isn’t just a “slow news day” story. It’s a “news day in reverse, going at speed” story.

(Okay, yes, it’s true, I can’t stand bananas.)

She has a "rescue banana"?

Okey dokey.

In the town where I grew up, the local news once did a segment on Valentine's Day where they sent a reporter to ring the doorbells of people who lived on a street called Love Avenue and asked them what it was like to... live on a street called Love Avenue.

I commend the residents (who made it to the air, anyway) for their highly diplomatic substitute answers for "Are you &*#%ing serious?"

Nah, she just put a Chiquita sticker on a turd and made up the story to get famous on the Internet.

She has started a banana rescue fund to save these poor things from such a terrible fate. For only $19 a month you can help save these forgotten and forlorn fruits.

Carpe diem! defn: eat your banana before it gets black

cfjk - that would be carpe ariera

So it would, unless you're playing tennis, it which case it might be wood, so then don't.

The banana is no more. It has ceased to be.

There was a Peanuts cartoon that went something like this:

LINUS: You understand I'm not just running off, right?
CHARLIE BROWN: Of course I understand. Go, it's important!
(Linus runs off)
CHARLIE BROWN: I'd run off too if I just remembered that I left an ice cream cone in the glove compartment of my Dad's car!

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