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May 28, 2020

THURSDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Dave - I think "What's the strangest thing you've ever witnessed, in person?" is an interesting thread topic, n'est pas?

By the way, AutoCorrect wanted to change "n'est pas" to "messy pad". Not sure what that's implying. I'm no Felix Unger, but...

Take care, Dave,

-Kent, aka, "Stixnstonz"

We can think of many candidates, but certainly a strong one was watching the mayor of Grand Forks, N.D., dedicate a sewage lifting station (Number 16) in our honor.

A LEGIT CAUSE FOR CONCERN

Nude man arrested, told police ‘he was afraid worms were coming from his genitals’

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THEY LOOK AS INVITING AS THEY SOUND

French restaurant tests clear plastic domes that hang over each individual diner

(Thanks to Maryann)

EVERY CAR IN FLORIDA ALREADY DOES THIS

Ford unveils technology that ROASTS the inside of police vehicles at 133 degrees Fahrenheit in an effort to kill coronavirus concentrations

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER GIVE MATCHES TO A ZOMBIE

Scientists warn of 'zombie fires' in the Arctic

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

IN THAT CASE, SIR, PLEASE ENJOY YOUR MEAL

Man says he broke into San Diego Wells Fargo bank to heat up his Hot Pockets

(Thanks to Ralph)

May 27, 2020

WEDNESDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

The theme tonight is: state capitals.

What, you have a better theme?

SO TRUE

Unexplained Phenomena Keep Suggesting the Universe Isn’t What We Thought

(Thanks to Rod Nunley)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR CAT STEVENS

Herd Of Fuzzy Green 'Glacier Mice' Baffles Scientists

(Thanks to wiredog)

ALWAYS READY TO LEND A HAND, THOSE LOCALS

Massive beer truck crash attracts locals to help with ‘cleanup’ efforts

(Thanks to Ralph)

GOOD, BECAUSE THE ONES WE HAVE NOW AREN'T GETTING THE JOB DONE

GE Research team developing giant robotic earthworm

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston)

SO FAR IT REFUSES TO TALK

India detains pigeon on suspicion of spying for Pakistan

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ralph)

WE AWAIT GUIDANCE FROM DRs. FAUCI AND BIRX

Sex workers offer to limit customers to two positions which 'minimise the risk of transmitting coronavirus' to enable brothels to end lockdown in Switzerland

(Thanks to Rod Nunley, Barry Nester, Mark Schlesinger and Allen at Division)

SOMETIMES WE CAN'T TELL WHETHER A PRESS RELEASE IS REAL OR A PARODY

‘STORMY DANIELS: SPACE FORCE’ NEW COMIC BOOK SERIES AND ANIMATED SHOW IN DEVELOPMENT

TidalWave Productions has also struck a deal to pen a fictional series starring Stormy Daniels.

This fall, TidalWave will develop a fiction comic book series with Daniels called “Stormy Daniels: Space Force.” Captain Stormy Daniels commands the Helix, a starship serving the United Republic of Earth and its leader, “very stable genius” OrDon. Daniels and her crew – capitalists at heart – are for hire. It is Barbarella-meets-Star Trek-meets-Stripperalla in a racy comedy, action and adventure series starring Daniels.

Created by Stormy Daniels and Darren G. Davis featuring art by Pablo Martinena. The comic book series is written by Michael Frizell and ‘Amazing Race’ alumni, Andrew Shayde. Special covers by famed comic artist Bill Walko and Agung Prabowo.

“I have joined forces with to create this comic and TidalWave has been so generous with allowing my input”, said Daniels “ I could not be happier with the outcome. Bonus is I get to add badass comic book character to my resume.”

“We are excited to be teaming up for this far out adventure with Stormy”, said TidalWave publisher Darren G. Davis. “We have not just created a fun comic book but a brand that will include action figures and an animated series”.

May 26, 2020

TUESDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Our theme tonight is the Smoot-Hawley Tariff. We know you have strong feelings. Don't hold them in.

GUYS IN ACTION

Drunken man passed out on raft drifts 7 miles down Indiana river before being rescued near dam

(Thanks to Geoff Scott)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to John Lobert and DaninDallas)

IT WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

Turtle smashes through Savannah driver’s windshield on Truman Parkway

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

WELL IN *THAT* CASE....

Hospital angrily denies snake discovered in operating theatre, insisting there was only a monkey

(Thanks to Ralph)

APPARENTLY THEY WERE UNAWARE THAT IT NEEDS TO BE RADIOACTIVE

Three young Bolivian brothers were hospitalized after getting a black widow spider to bite them — thinking it would turn them into Spider-Man, according to officials.

(Thanks to Barry Nester and Ralph)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

DUI driver crashes into liquid manure pond near Elk Grove

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and Geoff)

CHECK THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD

Dozens of chickens stolen from Feisty Acres Farm in Southold, police say

(Thanks to Monique)

May 25, 2020

MONDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Tonight's theme is... (spins random theme generator)...  places you want to go once we can start going places again.

IT'S OK; THE WOLVES ARE WEARING MASKS

Bolivian Orchestra Stranded in ‘Haunted’ German Castle Surrounded by Wolves During Pandemic

(Thanks to Jay Brandes)

HOW GUYS DO SOCIAL DISTANCING

Like this.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

IF YOU VIOLATE THE GUIDELINES, IT DISMEMBERS YOU

Gatorland Orlando, which reopened to the public on Saturday, introduced a new mascot, “Social Distancing Skunk Ape,” to encourage guests to remain 6 feet away from each other.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

ONE DAY WE WILL TELL OUR GRANDSONS WHAT THEY MISSED

Toilet experts say urinals may be consigned to history as part of measures to make public conveniences safe for the post-coronavirus world.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

To be honest, we missed them a lot when they were still here.

FIREFIGHTERS' NIGHTMARE

Fire Breaks Out at Porta Potty Yard in San Jose

It's a Spree: This is the second porta potty fire in the South Bay in one week.

(Thanks to veee)

WE BET THEY GOT AS MUCH OUT OF IT AS WE USUALLY DO

Three penguins get private tour at art museum

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU HAVE TO PROVIDE YOUR OWN SPIT

A minor league baseball team’s stadium has been listed on Airbnb for $1,500 a night.

(Thanks to John Lobert and Asher Scheiner)

BRING ME A SHRUBBERY*

Queen Elizabeth once avoided a controversial palace guest by hiding in a bush, filmmaker says

(Thanks to Jonh Lobert)

*Reference.

MEMORIAL DAY

Have a good day. But also please remember (and tell your kids) why it's called Memorial Day

May 24, 2020

SUNDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Maybe tonight you commenters can tell us a little about yourselves. Even you lurkers. 

BECAUSE YOU NEED MORE THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT

CDC warns of 'unusual or aggressive rodent behavior' in search for new food sources

(Thanks to Jay Brandes and Le Petomane)

WE WILL NEVER FORGET WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE GOT THE NEWS

Alligator rumored to have been Hitler’s dies in Moscow

(Thanks to Hayseed Tom)

AND IN SPORTS, DUDES

A marijuana plant spotted growing in Argentina stadium as matches stopped due to COVID-19

(Thanks to Ralph)

'I'VE GOT GUITARS, BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO GRAB THE GOOD ONES'

A Melbourne man has used his bass guitar to fight off armed home intruders who knocked down his front door and demanded the keys to his Mercedes.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

NO

Just, no.

(Thanks to Captain McBragg)

May 23, 2020

QWERTYUIOP

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FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

Rhinestone jockstrap belonging to Elvis Presley on sale for almost £30,000

(Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)

SOON TO BE PITCHING FOR THE ORIOLES

This is a short video of a trainee at China's Naval Aviation University failing to get his grenade over the hill and his instructor having to grab him and roll them both into a foxhole to avoid the explosion.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THINK YOU'RE SAFE FROM FLORIDA MOTORISTS WHEN YOU'RE SITTING POOLSIDE?

Think again.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

'SEXY' IS NOT THE WORD THAT COMES TO OUR MIND

Sexy 'human cyborg' plans give mankind an upgrade as she shows off fibre optic glowing boobs

(Thanks to Ralph)

PAGING SAM I AM

Experts Puzzled by Green Yolk Eggs Laid by Chickens on Small Indian Farm

(Thanks to Ralph)

PRESUMABLY NOT ALL AT THE SAME TIME

New show Labour of Love sees 15 men compete to impregnate 41-year-old woman

(Thanks to Staticjoeage)

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT AS IT IS

The Texas Department of Public Safety is sharing a photo from firefighters with the Western Lakes Fire District in Wisconsin. It shows serious damage to the drivers side door of a car caused by “hand sanitizer igniting in a hot vehicle that reached 95 degrees Fahrenheit inside the vehicle.”

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

May 22, 2020

FRIDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

"Take it away, commenters," said Tom themelessly.

DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DEFINE 'WORK'

This is why putting a swimming pool in the back of a pickup truck won't work

(Thanks to John Lobert, who notes that "alcohol may have been involved.")

Update From Nursecindy: "They actually sell these pools at Walmart.  I took this picture of one about a month ago.  I thought it would be a great way to pass the time at a long stoplight."

Unnamed

THE NEWS FROM ABROAD

Seagull flies into woman’s house and vomits on her kitchen counter

This has been The News From Abroad.

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THEY LOVE RERUNS OF HOOTENANNY

World's Largest Owl Hatches Giant Babies Outside Man's Window and Now They Watch TV With Him

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

Who remembers "Hootenanny?" By show of bedpans.

 
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