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May 21, 2020

THURSDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Q. What has 23 legs and green fur and plays the accordion?

A. We have no idea, but maybe the theme tonight could be riddles. 

HMMM

New Yorker promo:

Screen Shot 2020-05-21 at 3.14.26 PM

(Thanks to Mr. Ridley Pearson)

WAIT 'TIL THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE MURDER HORNETS

1.5 Million Cicadas Are Ready to Emerge After Nearly 20 Years Underground

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

ATTENTION, ECOLOGY-MINDED INDIVIDUALS:

"Just to be clear: DO NOT RECYCLE CANNONBALLS FROM ANY WAR!"

(Thanks to Geoff)

WHICH IS WHY YOU RARELY SEE THEM IN BARS

Elephants Really Can’t Hold Their Liquor

(Thanks to Steve K.)

IMAGINE WHAT HE'D GET HER IF SHE... NEVER MIND

Man buys girlfriend congratulations cake after she finally farts in front of him

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Where do the British tabloids find all these people who seem utterly incapable of embarrassment?

WE'RE PRETTY SURE IT'S OURS

A family finds nearly $1 million in cash in the middle of the road. Police want to know how the money ended up there

(Thanks to David Emery, who says "Uh, this fell out of the back of my pickup....")

LEADERSHIP

Jaime Rolando Urbina Torres, mayor of a small town in Peru, jumped into an open casket and pretended to be dead when police arrived to arrest him for breaking curfew

(Thanks to Doug Ogg and ChrisinVa, who says "Send this mayor to Washington!")

GENEROUS OFFER

While in custody, he offered a police officer a box of chicken, 3 kilograms of corned beef, and three plastic bags of sweet potatoes for his release.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

In landslide vote, citizens of Baker City elect to sell a 1995 backhoe

(Thanks to Ralph)

IT'S CLOSED DURING QUARANTINE, BUT FOR WHEN IT REOPENS:

Here's a map of the Moon.

(Thanks to John Criswell)

DINNER IS SERVED

Semi dumps 40K pounds of mac and cheese on Nashville interstate

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

WE KNOW WHERE IT WAS HEADED (GET IT? 'HEADED?')

Porta-Potty Cruising Down The Street

(Thanks to John Lobert)

SUAVE

Daniel Varey intended to order a gin glass with the inscription “Happy 30th birthday princess, love you millions,” South West News Service (SWNS) reports. Instead, the glass arrived with the message, “Can we have it delivered before Monday if possible as that’s her 30th. Nice one.”

(Thanks to John Lobert and Maryann)

 
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