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May 20, 2020

WEDNESDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

The topic tonight is: How much weight have you gained during the Great Lockdown?

A. A lot.

B. A whole lot.

C. On day 27, the bathroom scale scuttled out of the house; it has not returned.

D. I have not gained any weight! Also I am a liar. 

PRICE CHECK ON REGISTER THREE

Police are investigating reports of indecent exposure at a Tesco in Cleethorpes after a video showed a man dancing in only his pants and trying to scan his backside on a checkout.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

House For Sale With Preexisting Medieval Castle Decor, Space Ship, Beach Tent Bedroom With Sand

(Thanks to John Lobert)

IT'S THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION

Man claims to have found entrance to 'underground alien base' on Google Earth

(Thanks to John Lobert)

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

A nurse on an all-male coronavirus ward in Russia has been disciplined for only wearing 'lingerie' beneath her transparent protective gown.

(Thanks to Michael Moyer and Le Petomane)

SO LEGALLY IT CAN SERVE IN CONGRESS

Scientists Made a Mouse That's 4 Percent Human

(Thanks to Suzie Q "Not Nursecindy" Wacvet)

CSI: NEW ZEALAND

Police were forced to intervene after a woman held an associate's sheep for "ram-som".

(Thanks to Ralph)

TIRED OF ZOOM?

Here's another option.

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Red-dead-redemption-work-team-meeting-5ec2990837356__700

(Thanks to Ralph)

THIS IS PRECISELY WHY WE HAVE THE DEATH PENALTY

A pizza lover discovered that the local pizzeria she thought she'd ordered from was actually Chuck E. Cheese

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "She smelled a rat.")

 
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