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May 14, 2020

THURSDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Tonight's theme is: Do-it-yourself tips. Here's one: When our car engine starts making a "funny noise," we have found that an effective way to handle it is to turn up the radio. Don't thank us! Thank Mr. Guglielmo Marconi.

BONUS AUTOMOTIVE TIP: Use a piece of black tape to cover up those pesky "warning lights."

RELAX, GEORGIA, THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Georgia officials warn of 4-foot-long invasive lizards that eat 'anything they want

(Thanks to many people)

'E'S NOT DEAD, 'E'S RESTIN'

Buyer of Soon-to-Be-Ex-Parrot Wins Implied-Warranty Claim

(Thanks to John Lobert, who says "I saw Psittacine Beak and Feather Disease in concert once, if I’m remembering correctly.")

WE'RE NOT *THAT* BORED

Heinz Launches Contest for 570-Piece Ketchup Red Puzzle

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who notes that "it doesn't need to be refrigerated.")

ATTENTION, PEOPLE WHO FANCY THEY CAN PLAY THE GUITAR:

Do not watch this.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

LIFE IMITATES ART

A classic Looney Tunes cartoon plot played out in real life last weekend when a university professor shared video of a coyote chasing a roadrunner.

(Thanks to PapaJohn, coscolo, Roberto and Mark Schlesinger, who says "Unfortunately, Acme Corp. is closed due to the coronavirus.")

WE THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

‘BOOM SHAKALAKA’ Is Not Response to Bar Complaint, Court Says

(Thanks to Steve Bradford and Ralph)

AND OPENED FOR JERRY LEE LEWIS

Saber-toothed anchovies roamed the oceans 45 million years ago

(Thanks to poker and Suzie Q Wacvet)

NOT A PROBLEM, AS THEY ALL PRODUCED VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

About 200 Goats Escape, Roam the Streets of East San Jose

(Thanks to veee, Nancy Gill, Dave N., man tom, Janice Gelb and Suzie Q Wacvet)

 
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