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April 01, 2020


Lord, we wish it was. Unfortunately, it's real. We think. It could be some kind of hyperrealistic flashback. Let us know how you feel about this in the comments. Or not! Thank you.


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Dave posts Manilow picture, check.

Yup, it's April 1.

Happy Groundhog Day.

I'm not nursecindy.

Or maybe I am.

Lately, every day has felt like April Fool's Day. Sadly, I am not predicting an uptick in our collective fortunes any time soon.

So, I'm gonna watch the Monty Python movies showing on television. More coconut shell!

Have you guys heard about this “Covid 19”? It seems to be in the news quite a bit lately.

At times like these we need to take solace in the advice of our great philosophers such as W.C. Fields.

"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol."

"I often cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

I'm watching pirated version of Duck Soup, with Marx, Engels and Lenin. Somewhere is China somebody is cooking a bat soup. It is a circle of life.

So apparently there are some otherwise malaria treatment drugs that "maybe" "possibly" work as a treatment for the virus. The medical supply stores we frequent are all "suprise" out. So my wife tells her sister, even if you could get the drug you would not know how to prescribe it, the amount to administer as treatment that is? So the sister is busy calculating how the drug could be prescribed should any Dr. in our family "locate" some of it.

Then you have the greatly anticipated announcement, hopefully there is news in a few weeks, of a vaccine. Considering testing on such a vaccine could take years and it took only around 4.5 billion years for Jonas Salk to come up with a vaccine for polio, were in good hands. Is the government frickin' kidding! Where are these people who want to run healthcare?! Much of our government has lost their minds.

I have this to offer.

But really folks. This is just terrible. Stay safe as best you can. It's getting more scary by the day.

For those considering the miracle of anti-malarial drugs, I might advise caution. Even the DoD and VA are admitting that there are really unpleasant side effects from some of them they had us take steadily for years. I believe the one most mentioned in the news (chloroquine) is the one I took from 1984 until 1989. Then we got mefloquine because it allegedly had fewer side effects. The article released by the DAV barely scratches the surface. I took that junk for 10 years. On the plus side I did not contract malaria. So make sure the cure is not worse than the disease.

Dave, I'm so bored I've reread all of your books, a book by Jimmy Buffett, two books about Yogi Berra, and now I'm reading an Amish Romance Novel. The guy on the front of the book still has his shirt on but does have one sleeve rolled up and is showing a little wrist. I've walked my dog so much she's starting to hide from me when I reach for her leash.
Hopefully this will all be over very soon and they will come up with a vaccine and an antiviral medication that will help those that are already suffering with this horrible disease. I'm doing some work with the Red Cross here in my area. Blood supplies are so low and they really need donations now so please help if you can.

I remember a story my Dad told me. One of great courage and probably a little forethought. So in these trying times, times that cause one to call on courage to get through, I'll relate the story best I can

My dad was with the 1st Marine Divison during the Korean war and on the ground there for one year in combat. His job was to go out at night and probe the enemy, make contact. There was a song written about this called , Rotation Blues due to the fact that it was his turn every third night, crawl around, exchane fire, then report back the enemy was indeed there. My dad was a great guy who my cousin described upon my Dad's passing as, "He shot from the hip." My cousin joined the Marine Corp out of admiration for my Dad. I admired my dad greatly growing up and He taught me so many things about life. If I could paint a picture of my dad for you I would say, "He was a cross between John Wayne and Fred Flintstone." A gregarious, larger than life man. To put a little contrast on that picture, He had a drinking buddy who looked just like Barney Rubble.

So move to a much later time when my Dad had retired. He was receiving a modest pension from the Marine Corp for injuries he received in Korea. He was shot twice. So, my Dad decides one of the wounds, a shot He took near his ass was still bothering him. The other wound a rifle shot to his chest breaking his collar bone and leaving a bruise my Dad describe as "it was big", but a vest saved his life. So, my Dad goes to a Veteran's hospital and tells the Dr.'s there the back is bothering him and points out the scar scar near his ass. He reminded the Dr.'s when the wound took place and he was sent to a hospital in Japan to be operated on, the Dr.'s there could not get all the shell fragment out because it was too close to his spine. So, the Dr.'s order xrays and came back telling my dad, "there is no shell fragment there." I remember what my Dad told me He said to the Dr. like it was yesterday when He told me this story. He said verbatim, "I must have shit it out."

Dave started the day with a picture of Barry

That in itself was very scary

We're huddled at home & feelin' mean

How much more can we take with covid-19?

Gotta go, gotta cough, gotta sneeze, ATCHOO!

Here are a few verses that are a take on the two...


There is very little evidence now that chloroquine or hydrochloroquine are effective for COVID-19. There are a lot of other more promising treatments in the pipeline, but they all need to be tested properly, and that takes time. You can't speed up the process, just like you can't make nine women produce a baby in one month.

It could be worse — and will be. SARS is still out there in animals, with a human fatality rate of 11%. So is MERS — fatality rate 35%. Both can jump to humans again, just as COVID-19 jumped from pangolins. With climate change, tropical diseases move north. With habitat destruction, and the illegal wildlife and plant and timber trades, we can expect more diseases, pests, etc.

And a pill or a vaccine is going to solve all this so everything can get back to normal, including our economy?

Way back in 1860, Henry David Thoreau asked 'What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?'

Is anyone listening yet?

No, I'm not fine. I haven't been in decades. As Aldo Leopold said, "One of the penalties of an ecological education is that one lives alone in a world of wounds." Antidepressants help, but not enough.

Mental and social distancing may help flatten the curve, but they cure nothing. Fortunately, there's the internet, or I'd be a real nowhere man sitting in my nowhere land. Instead, I'm a well-connected nowhere man.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled humor blog.

Your analogy that "you can't make 9 women produce a baby in one month" is really good. I'm surprised it hasn't been pilfered by other writers long ago. Perhaps it is in the Amish romance novel nursecindy is reading. I'm tempted to order one of those on Amazon, but after being subjected to reading Harlequins for reasons I had rather keep buried, I would have to be REALLY motivated (Beer) to actually read an Amish Romance unless Carl Hiaasen wrote it).
Good job on the analogy and stay safe!

Where there's life, there is hope. --Frodo Baggins (or maybe Dogbert)

Le Petomane: The analogy has been attributed to Warren Buffet, but I can't find a source or a date. Wikipedia calls it "Brook's Law" and attributes it to computer scientist Fred Brooks in a book he wrote in 1975.

Even in 'Brave New World'' by Aldous Huxley (1932),, with automated baby production in bottles, the process still takes nine months. And while drugs and vaccines can be developed very quickly today with modern genetics, proteomics, and computer analysis, they still have to be tested in living tissue, then animals, then humans, both for effectiveness and side effects.

Technology is a useful tool, but it is not the answer to all our problems. While there is pressure to short-cut some of the ethical steps in view of the crisis, we may not know the downside for years. The drug companies would love to do this for greater profits, as long as they are shielded from liability. I don't have a lot of confidence on politicians anywhere in the world making the right decisions on this right now. They want that baby in a month, even if it's a monster.

Unlike romance novels, I don't expect a happy ending.

APRIL 2 is National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day.

I've never read an Amish romance (shudder), but if you want a really good series of Amish mystery novels (set in northern Ohio), try Linda Castillo's series about Police Chief Kate Burkholder.

/end unsolicited testimonial

THANK YOU, DAVE, for being "essential". I loved your video with the toilet paper around your neck. A familiar sentiment and felt like I was invited into your home. Especially endearing during this time.

My problem is I realize what a toilet paper whore I have been for the majority of my adult life. I'm ashamed that I used to use over a whole roll a day for useless stuff (picking up cat puke, removing make-up, wiping sink -- the list goes on)…

I'm happy to report that I have changed my ways. A reformed TP addict, and am doing my part for America and those less fortunate. (and no, you can't have my stash)

So I have a covidiot story. Jeff M triggered it talking about Amish novels. Have a couple, who live in central Mi in the summer, escape Detroit for obvious reasons and came up early. HE is driving the Amish around a week after arriving. Unfreakin'- beeleevable!

I get that some of the precautions we are taking make no common sense, like no golf. So you walk, or take a cart singly rather than double up, But to take people from a community that do not believe in inoculation(not that it matters in this case) and drive around in a vehicle, keeping in mind many are asymptomatic with this virus, drives me nuts.

I had my annual review with my financial adviser about an hour ago. My IRA consists of a bunch of different mutual funds.

He told me that before the COVID-19 panic began, he had sold one fund and put the proceeds in one that contains assorted companies that deal in household commodities. I said, "You mean TOILET PAPER?!?" He said it included some such stocks. I'LL BE RICH!

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