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April 30, 2020

THURSDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

We have spent much of the day pursuing 10-month-old Kyle Barry -- who can almost walk but prefers to crawl very fast directly toward the most dangerous thing in the vicinity -- so we honestly do not have the energy to think of a theme.

Here we are with Kyle (he's the calmer-looking one, on the left) who is teething and prefers to gum his grandpa's reading glasses. On our computer, you can see only Kyle unless you click on the photo. This is a feature, not a bug.

Also: Yes, we know we need a haircut.

Also: Yes, we think of ourselves as plural.

KyleGlasses

 

AND IN SPORTS

Dogs behaving pointlessly while professional commentator commentates.

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

WE LIKE HIS STYLE

After appointing five dead persons in 2017, namely, Francis Okpozo, a senator in the second republic; Donald Ugbaja, a retired deputy inspector-general of police;  Ahmed Bunza, sole administrator of Jega local government area of Kebbi state, Christopher Utov, a former proprietor of Fidei Polytechnic, Gboko; and Kabir Umar, a former emir of Katagum in Bauchi state, President Muhammadu Buhari has again appointed a dead person in the Federal Character Commission, FCC.

(Thanks to Jim Kenaston, who says "My guess is that these are essential jobs that are being filled.")

IN PREPARATION FOR WALPURGIS NIGHT

Swedish city to dump tonne of chicken manure in park to deter visitors

(Thanks to Charles Cates, Ralph, pharmaross and Unholy Slacker)

APPARENTLY THEY WERE OUT OF VEGETABLES

Man leaves for the market to buy vegetables but returns with bride

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE BET THEY ARE

Oregon strip club creates drive-thru experience during coronavirus lockdown: 'People are super stoked'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

JOURNALISMING IS HARD

Spanish journalist goes viral after half naked woman walks behind him during at-home interview

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, John Lobert and pharmaross)

SILVER LINING

Alcohol-to-go sales may go on ‘forever’ in Texas, Governor Abbott says

(Thanks to Steve K.)

SOON TO BE ON WORLD TOUR

Robot 'spy' gorilla records wild gorillas singing and farting

(Thanks to Allen at Division, Asher Scheiner and Unholy Slacker, who says “Sounds Like Louie Louie”)

April 29, 2020

WEDNESDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

We don't want this blog to get too coronavirus-y, but: We have a question about mask-wearing.

Here in our neighborhood, when we go outside, as we do at least twice a day to walk Lucy, we do not wear masks. Neither does Lucy, and neither do most of the people we encounter. We often stop and talk to neighbors, always maintaining the prescribed social distance; when people are coming the other way, we step to the side, or even off the sidewalk, to make room. We cross the street if necessary to maintain distance. But, again, we don't wear masks for these outdoor walks. Are we supposed to? If so, why?

We ask because we sometimes see people outdoors who are wearing masks. Usually these people are walking alone, or riding bikes alone. And every now and then we see somebody on social media declaring that EVERYBODY SHOULD WEAR A MASK AT ALL TIMES, even when taking neighborhood walks. Is there a sound basis for that view?

We're just asking. We really don't want to start an argument. We are very, very tired of coronavirus arguments. We welcome your calm and rational comments. They don't have to be about masks. They can also be about rutabagas.

Clarification: We get that the masks are to protect others, not ourselves. We understand why we need to wear them in the supermarket. We're asking about being outdoors and not near others.

THIS USUALLY WORKS

It was heard in court that when Ncube saw he was about to be caught, he allegedly knelt and took the posture of a goat holding on to the horns of the goat that was facing him.

(Thanks to Ralph)

CASUAL TUESDAY

ABC News reporter forgets to wear pants during ‘Good Morning America’ segment from home

(Thanks to pharmaross and Asher Scheiner)

IF HE HAD USED HIS OWN UNDERWEAR, HE'D BE IN THE CLEAR

North Fond du Lac man accused of using stolen underwear to set fires

(Thanks to Dan Coyne)

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Oyster flatulence worries climate scientists

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

DO YOU HAVE TO EVEN ASK, DUDE?

Is smoking pot an ‘essential’ activity?

(Thanks to pharmaross)

SOUNDS LEGIT

Florida man blames John Wick for guns found in his car

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who says "In that case, sir...")

April 28, 2020

TUESDAY NIGHT (WE THINK) OPEN THREAD

The theme for tonight -- as you have no doubt already guessed -- is: rutabagas.

YOSEMITE SAM BROUGHT HIM IN

Speedy Gonzalez accused of stealing checks from metro Atlanta mailboxes

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THE FLORIDA CRIMINAL: A CUT BELOW

A welcome mat at the front door of a Florida home read “come back with a warrant” and that’s just what deputies did before finding drugs and drug paraphernalia inside.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THEY ACTUALLY DO

Puma’s latest trainers have gone viral as people have realised that they look like the leader of Nazi Germany, Adolf Hitler.

(Thanks to Stan Ruth)

THIS BLOG HAS BEEN SELFLESSLY COMBATING THE POTATO SURPLUS FOR DECADES

Belgians asked to eat fries twice a week to combat potato surplus

(Thanks to Ralph)

WE DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT, BUT THEY CAN DEFINITELY GET FLORIDA DRIVERS’ LICENSES

Jose Canseco worried Bigfoot or aliens can 'get coronavirus'

(Thanks to pharmaross)

April 27, 2020

MONDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And nursecindy commented yesterday that she thinks the comments should have a theme so maybe the theme today could be that the comments are in the form of poems but that is entirely up to you.

HE 'THOUGHT HE WAS AT SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME AND WAS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL'

A man was arrested over the weekend after he reportedly entered the wrong Mt. Juliet home wearing a gorilla costume and scared a six-year-old girl.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins, who says "at least he had a mask.")

THEN WE SHALL PERMIT THEM TO CONTINUE POOPING

Shark poop may be essential to marine ecosystems

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

TASTES LIKE DEAD CHICKEN

Despite warnings, Bonny residents feast on dead whale

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THIS HAPPENED 'JUST SOUTH OF BANGKOK'

Monk defrocked and arrested after allegedly shooting man in the testicles

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HAVING EAR PROBLEMS?

Do NOT, under any circumstances, click here.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

AND THE PIGEONS FROM EVERYWHERE ELSE HATE THEM BOTH

New York and Boston Pigeons Don’t Mix

(Thanks to Ralph)

GREAT, NOW ALL THE STORES WILL RUN OUT OF IT

Drink Camel Urine To Cure Coronavirus, Prophetic Medicine Man Says

(Thanks to Ralph)

April 26, 2020

IT’S SUNDAY NIGHT

...and the thread is open.

WE’RE JUST NOT OURSELVES LATELY

Miami goes 7 weeks without a murder for first time since 1957

(Thanks to pharmaross and Asher Scheiner)

UPDATE: Turns out this story is not entirely accurate.

A LOAD OFF EVERYBODY’S MIND

Researchers have finally found credible records of someone being killed by a falling meteorite.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

WE MIGHT AS WELL SHRED THE CANADIAN CONSTITUTION, ASSUMING THERE IS ONE

A $500,000 debt incurred from three games of rock paper scissors is invalid, the Quebec Court of Appeal has ruled.

(Thanks to Ryan Jentsch)

PAGING MONTY PYTHON

Sale of defective parrot leads to B.C. lawsuit

(Thanks to Ralph)

WELL IT’S DEFINITELY THE MOST SHOCKING INCIDENT OF COW VIGILANTISM THIS BLOG IS AWARE OF

In a shocking incident of cow vigilantism, two Muslim men in Telangana were allegedly assaulted and abused for carrying buffalo meat.

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

CSI: RUSAPE

Farm Workers Steal The Same Cow Twice From An MDC Senior Official’s Farm

(Thanks to Asher Scheiner)

April 25, 2020

SATURDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Have at it, you lunatics.

IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK

Freaked-out couple finds possum living in their couch

(Thanks to pharmaross)

ANYBODY MISSING ANYTHING?

A Texas city is asking residents to check and make sure they aren't missing a donkey after a wayward animal was picked up by officials.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

THE GOOD NEWS IS, SHE'S ALREADY GROUNDED

A sign that read, "Help! Get me out of here!" alarmed Florida deputies, but it turned out a little girl just need help with her math homework.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER THE FISH PRODUCED A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

An unidentified man in northern Spain was busted this week for taking his fish on a walk in its bowl. He appeared to be trying to take advantage of a rule allowing pet owners to leave their homes so that their pets can relieve themselves.

(Thanks to Ralph)

WITHOUT ORDER WE WOULD HAVE CHAOS

Library books rearranged in size order by cleaner

(Thanks to Ralph and pharmaross)

51,300 PIECES

Kodak Is Selling The World's Largest Jigsaw Puzzle

(Thanks to Suzie Q Wacvet, but, again, not nursecindy)

PAGING MR. CLEESE

Family Puts Up ‘Jurisdiction Of The Ministry Of Silly Walks’ Sign In Front Of Their House, Films 30 Silly Walks By Passersby

(Thanks to John Lobert)

‘HEY LET’S SEE WHAT THIS BUTTON DOES!’

UK submarine commander probed over ‘rave barbecue’ amid coronavirus lockdown

(Thanks to pharmaross)

‘COOL?’

A spider's erection, and other cool things trapped in amber

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

April 24, 2020

FRIDAY NIGHT OPEN THREAD

Last night’s thriller-writing project revealed several things:

  • You people are insane.
  • Some of you are very bad at following instructions.
  • But mainly you are out of your minds.
  • There is no need to refrigerate ketchup or mustard.
  • Seriously, you should consider therapy.

Nevertheless the thriller has been optioned by Netflix and is scheduled to be released next Monday as a 10-episode miniseries starring Kiefer Sutherland as both special agent Bart Probe and the First Lady. So good work everyone!

Tonight is an open thread, which means you may post any comment you want, as long as it contains the phrase “by and large.”

IN THAT CASE, SIR, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS TROPHY

A Minnesota man was arrested last night in Elkhart County after officials say he led Indiana State Police on a high speed pursuit because he thought they "wanted to race."

(Thanks to pharmaross)

AND IN SPORTS

The problem posed by the use of saliva to polish the ball is understood to be among the items raised by the ICC's medical committee to be addressed before cricket can resume, meaning that lateral thinking is required to allow bowlers and teams to continue to find effective ways to shine the ball to help encourage conventional or reverse swing.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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