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March 20, 2020

ATTENTION, SELF-QUARANTINERS:

I made you a really unhelpful self-help video. (Give it a little while to get started.)

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Cute video Dave. I have all those books that you have shown plus all of Mr. Mitch's books too. Humor is so important these days. Stay healthy

I went to mail a letter yesterday and the there were six people there. The line was out the door onto the parking lot because of all the lamps. You forgot to mention if you go to a drive thru testing facility and wait like 17 hours to be tested, you have to have a Dr.'s order for the test to be administered or else you will be turned away and told to watch for further updates on any channel you turn on 24/7. Also, can you suggest a good book addressing the meaning of government acronyms? Like the ACLO9YEWQ? Who are they and do what day do they get a shipment of toilet paper. Happy Bithday.

My wife watched and said you washed your hands wrong. You are supposed to soap your hands while singing then rinse them off, not the way you did it running water over your hands the entire time. Don't pay any attention to her, she can be a nag. I usually ignore here. She did; however, laugh hysterically at you and your toilet paper and lamp. I get excited every time I hear her infectious laugh and we immediately went to the bedroom. Thanks Dave.

Bad news on the lamp,Dave. It turns out it's the Coronavirus version of Typhoid Mary.

Lucy is a great help! Need to get me one of that model.

Technically, books do contain paper pages that could be used as toilet paper. NOT DAVE'S BOOKS! But other books. And was that one of those pythons I saw in the rafters?

If you plug in the social distancing lamp and leave a couple of wires exposed where the bulb usually goes, I bet it works even better.

I kept looking for a few empty beer bottles, but the camera crew before the filming did a great job.

This was a welcome break from the seemingly endless stream of public service or "customer care" CoVid-19 messages I've received from every business, service or school I've ever had any dealings with.

More importantly, though, will all of this consternation lead to an "I survived CoVid-19" tour of the Rock Bottom Remainders with some of their soon-to-be-released original music?

I found this to be totally useless. I can't thank you enough Dave.

Dear Mr. Barry,

I wish to inform you that TODAY we have a NEW Distance Ensurance Adjusting Device available for YOU. This novel device, when swung from the hips in a rapid, rotating motion, will Ensure all WILL stay well away. Yes, this NOVEL device, consisting of a ring of high impact, brightly colored plastic, approx 1.2403 inches in diameter, will keep anyone from coming near you (if USED properly).

So order your Flu-la-Hoop today! Just call! And with this deal, you also get THREE, I say THREE sheets of Charmin, totally FREE!

Nice pool, Dave. And Lucy is a great help.

Blast from the past:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX_FTiRB5QI

Expect to be isolated for 5 - 18 months.

You're going to need more activities. For example, pretend you're a pioneer family on the prairie. Hook Lucy to a plow, plant corn, and watch it grow.

I'll bet Dave is now regretting giving away all that Paris Hilton toilet paper during the colonoscopy promotion.

Let your imagination run wild with these Lentil Rice Balls
https://thetakeout.com/recipe-lentil-rice-vegetarian-meatballs-or-burgers-1842415568

Sorry Ralph. Not buying the 5-18 months.
Since the isolation thing though I've read 6 Harlequin Romance books, one of Dave's books, For This We Left Egypt?, and I'm now working on Wuthering Heights. For G-d's sake somebody help me!

How much for the toilet paper?

Even Stranger Times

Sorry to bother you again so soon, but we wanted to let you know that persuant to orders from the Governor of California, the doors of H.P.LOVECRAFT HISTORICAL SOCIETY headquarters have been temporarily closed.
At present, we don't know when we'll be back at it again, but rest assured as soon as we're allowed, the HPLHS team will be there.

I think we can safely say that the term "March Madness" has a new definition now.

I have been wondering if the next generation, which should start showing up sometime in the December / January timeframe will be called the "Coronavirals"(tm) or something like that. Is there going to be a naming contest? If so, I hereby trademark my suggestion!

Stepping on squeaky toys drives away the evil spirits.

Maybe the video will go viral.

Sorry

THAT was funny. I like the book selection.

Where were the cases of half-price Corona Extra?

Extra points, Dave, for using the terms "toilet paper" and "mining asteroids" in the same paragraph. My inner seventh-grader gave this two thumbs up...

I went to Walmart to get eggs and happened upon the TP being put on the otherwise empty shelves. I purchased a large package for $18.

I'm planning on wearing a roll like Dave

Every date I ever had in college practiced "social distancing" when we were out for the evening. They must have known this pandemic was going to occur.

I need to re-calibrate my monitor. It rendered Dave's shirt as a color other than blue, and that can't be right!

Just in case you need more TP info:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper

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