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March 19, 2020

CLASSY

Man breaks into Jacksonville church, steals hand sanitizer

(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)

43 MILLION

This online calculator tells you exactly how much toilet roll you actually need to buy

(Thanks to Dave Stuff)

DUH

Female narwhals attracted to males with biggest horns, study finds

(Thanks to pharmaross)

OUR WORST FEAR HAS BEEN REALIZED

Accordions

(Thanks to Roberto)

EVERYBODY'S STRESSED

Elephants break into farm in self-isolation and get drunk on whisky

(Thanks to John Lobert)

THE 'CAN-DO' SPIRIT THAT MAKES THIS NATION WHAT IT IS

One Las Vegas strip club is staying open amid a 30-day shutdown recommended by Gov. Steve Sisolak and taking social distancing to another level by offering drive-through strip shows.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

THE SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING

NASA unsticks its Martian digging probe by whacking it with a shovel.

(Thanks to John Criswell and Ralph)

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE

The Deerfield American Legion hosted “Testicle Festival” will not take place Saturday, March 21 as planned, as limitations upon the number of people together in one setting, have been set by the Michigan state government in a response to combatting COVID-19.

(Thanks to B'game and Allen at Division)

And Now This: Playboy suspends iconic magazine after 66 years over coronavirus pandemic

(Thanks to Steve K. and pharmaross)

A REASON TO GO ON

“His entire job was to remove CGI buttholes that had been inserted a few months before. Which means that, somewhere out there, there exists a butthole cut of Cats.”

(Thanks to pharmaross)

 
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